No Gifts Being Received
Help....
My husband and I secretly went to the courthouse and got married earlier this month. We only had two close friends that live in the area as witnesses and told the rest of our friends and family after the fact. We just purchased a new house and wanted to get the legal side of it out of the way, but plan to have a more formal ceremony next year for very close friends and family - maybe 25-30 guests.
My dilemma is that some of my close friends from where I grew up have sent only cards or nothing at all, even those whose weddings I was in and bought shower gifts, wedding gifts, dress, etc.....
I sent out announcements with pictures to my family and friends so they could update their contact info but many of them will not be invited to the next event either because it will be so small.
Is it strange that people aren`t sending any gifts or is it that they are waiting for some other event? Am I just being greedy?
Posted by Heather; updated 04/24/03
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Hi -
I totally understand your confusion. I was in the same shoes. I recently got married, had the ceremony, reception - the whole kitten & kaboodle. There really is no standard explanation to these behaviors of individuals who do not give gifts. I had my range of guests/friends who did the same and I could not find a single commonality - not due to race, sex, marital status, gender, relationship, etc. Here are some examples: Guests who attended but did not give a gift. Guests who did a last minute no-show, did not give a gift. Friends who declined invitation (friends whom I`ve attended their weddings & have given gifts) - did not send a gift. Relatives who did a last minute no-show, did not give a gift. People are People and they function in mysterious ways. Some may/may not know the etiquette and some may/may not want to exercise it. And on the other hand, there are those who did the complete opposite. Congratulations on your nuptials. Don`t let this get you down - you just need to move on. Just wanted you to know that you`re not alone.
Posted by Scarlett; updated 04/24/03
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A wedding announcement never requires a gift. It`s nice if people send one, but they are not obligated to do so. It`s nice that some sent you a card.
You are being a bit greedy. You didn`t invite them to the first wedding. You have no intention of inviting them to the second "wedding". And yet here you are wondering why no one is sending you a gift. If it`s important enough for you to get a gift from these people but they`re not important enough for you to allow them to share in your celebration.
Posted by jillymo; updated 05/25/03
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Any invited event wedding,birthday,graduation,shower the invited should bring a gift. I would never show up somewhere eat, drink, have fun empty handed its RUDE. However if you did not even have a reception then dont expect gifts, if you are then your invited guest will most likely be bringing you gifts. I hope they do!!!
Posted by Kathy; updated 05/27/03
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Funny...I am surfing the internet trying to decide if even a tactful no gift message on the bottom of my wedding invitation is appropriate. In all seriousness, you went about getting married in an unconventional way and your friends and family who were not invited don`t know how to respond since there are no rules for non-conformity.
Posted by C.; updated 07/22/03
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Usually you only receive gifts if you invite the people to a reception or a shower or something. Close family members might send a gift. Consider yourself lucky if you receive a card. I mean how many people send you a birthday gift if you dont have a birthday party? Usually only close family I would think. It is the same thing. You cant expect gifts, just be greatful if you get a few.
Posted by ~Lyn~; updated 07/22/03
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I eloped, and I got a gift from my mom, the groom`s parents, and my aunt. My own father and sister didn`t give anything, and friends gave nothing. THERE! I just had to get that off my chest.
Posted by Anon.; updated 01/26/04
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It is strange that people seem to think that the reception is what they are giving the gift for. Nicer reception, nicer gift....?
They should, if they intend on giving a gift, give it to you because of your marriage together. I understand where you are coming from, but also think that one must not expect gifts, instead, greatfully receive whatever comes your way (and remember this at their baby showers). J/k
Maybe they are just expecting the future ceremony, which they have heard about by word of mouth?
Posted by Gina; updated 01/26/04
