WEDDING REGISTRY IN INVITATION

The above responses approve of sending an e-mail to invitees noting the bride and groom`s registry information, yet frowns upon including it in the invitation? Hmmm..seems as if you`re pressuring for a gift either way. It is the bride and groom`s preference, and most of the guests to any wedding should be close family and friends who know the bride and groom`s morals and values enough to know they`re not getting married only to receive a gift, but to join together as one!! If a guest is so shallow that they are offended about receiving a registry card for informational purposes only, then I truly believe they shouldn`t attend the wedding anyway. The wedding isn`t about proper etiquette; it`s about joining two souls together in love and as one. And if they approve of providing information (i.e. Registry, shower, etc.) to their guests to avoid many hassles, then so be it!!

I am struggling with this same situation right now. Some of the people being invited to our wedding are people that we are not extremely close to and word of mouth is not a realistic option. The conversation would consist of "Hi we`re registered here, here, and here" and I find that more inappropriate than just sending the registry cards in the invitation. To me this is similar to the debate of it being wrong to say that you`re having a adult reception. Most would also say that it`s wrong but if you do not want kids showing up you have to say it somehow. Even Martha Stewart stated that with this generation exceptions need to be made to wedding etiquette because this generation does not have the understanding that the only people invited are the ones listed on the envelope of the invitation. I know most will say that both of these things are wrong but I believe that if anyone that is invited to my wedding is so stuck up that they are offended by these things then they need not come. In order to compromise about sending the registry information we have decided to only put the registry information in with the wedding invitations for the people not invited to the shower. So everything does not look sloppy when the invitation is opened we`re putting the registry cards in small envelopes labeled "Registry Information". That is my best suggestion for brides in similar situations.

Lynn you sound very rude yourself and uneducated. You call someone uneducated simply because they think its OK to include registry cards in invitations?! How is that based on education at all?! Its simply up to the couple. Including the cards in your invitation help guest instead of recieving 300 phone calls asking about where you are registered and IF you are registered. Not everyone is has their nose stuck up in the air like you. And if they did I surely wouldn`t want to attend their wedding nor would I want them to attend mine.

I am creating a website for guests that includes hotel accomodations, area attractions, RSVP, wedding and reception info, and there will be a page for gift registries.

Dear Lynne (from May 2007)

The unnecessary way that you would berate a complete stranger (Cindy) demonstrates YOUR lack of social grace. In fact, if you were so superior to her, that alone should ensure your compassion and force you to express your opinions and assumptions with a little more tact.

Furthermore, while we are on the subject of etiquette, where did you learn that it would be appropriate to make improvements upon someone`s spelling and grammar when you were not asked to correct it?

I would feel very sorry for Cindy if her only lessons regarding etiquette were to be taught by you.

I believe it is quite ironic that women on this particular website are immaturely arguing about proper etiquette. Learning proper conversational skills should take precedence over proper registry etiquette. If you are absolutely offended by receiving registry information, don’t go! It`s as simple as that. I`m pretty sure your absence won’t ruin the bride and grooms big day.

Every person that has left a message on this site sound like a totally spoilt bridezilla i may live in new zealand way doen under and you all probaby think we are very backwards to the rest of the world but at least we understamd the fact that your wedding day is your day everybody is different and does things differently. I am putting my registry cards in with my invite they are separate to the invite and they will have a nice message requesting that we donnot need gift but we would perfer and contribution to our honey moon or renovations on the house i dont care what peope think if they think its rude then meybe they shouldnt come anyway.

I`m just putting our phone numbers and emails in small print on the bottom of the reply cards in case they want to ask us and don`t already have our contact info. A shower is not in our schedule nor budget, and this keeps the fire-breathing, fussy etiquette Nazis out of our hair.

I wanted to reduce cost and our carbon footprints even more by calling and emailing invites, but no! People love to find ways to be wasteful of both resources and money. My future mother-in-law insisted on paper invites, so she is buying all of the materials, including the stamps. Whatever. She`s done this twice now, and she knows better than I what people expect from these silly things.

Don`t worry, we are mentioning our parents on the invites ... All this fuss makes me wish we had eloped!

Hello all, I am a man doing most of the work on wedding invitations for our wedding later this year, and I have been searching the internet for how to include the registry information on an information card included with the wedding invites. I am really glad I found all of your comments concerning etiquette. There are many telling points made including refusing to gift friends who include registry information, and referring to those who accept this practice as uneducated and classless, and generally those who claim this is just never ever acceptable under any circumstance whatsoever. I like to think of the posters of such comments as pretentious, socialites, who have their priorities in life all mixed up and are most likely all around horrible people. I pity your husbands. You have convinced me overwhelmingly to include this information in the invite, as there is no wedding shower, and in attempt to weed any of you types out from accepting my very thoughtful invitation (although I`m sure no one that has been invited would consider such ridiculous garbage as important in any way). To the original poster, you should consider who you are inviting. If they are the same types of people as the narrow minded hens on this board then I wouldn`t include the registry so that they might not be offended and grace you with their lovely presence at YOUR most important day.

Lynn,

Obviously you could use some lessons on what it means to be gracious. Anyone with proper breeding (and education) would never criticize the grammar of someone who could possibly not speak English as a first language. The choice to include registry information is entirely up to the couple. Antiquated social mores need no longer dictate what "should" be done in that situation. Following an old tradition simply for the sake of "the way it is done" is a bit silly these days. If it`s more practical for the guests of the bride and groom to receive the registry information in the invitation, then so be it and its nobody`s place to criticize or judge - THAT would be improper etiquette. To respond to an honest question in such an ungracious manner is done in very poor taste and you should be embarrassed for your behaviour.

Although I know it might be perceived as rude to put a Registry Card in with your invites, I think they can be helpful in certain instances.
1. For example, my future husband and I have most everything we need already, and people have been asking me to tell them what to give us since they know our apartment is pretty much set up.
2. I just went to my friend`s wedding and she got like 3 toasters, 2 blenders, 4 different sets of disher... You get my drift, a lot of guests told me they wish they would`ve seen a registry card since they had no idea what to get!
3. Our family doesn`t live in our city but they want to participate and at least send us something; but they don`t know what we like or our furniture/kitchen appliances colors.
4. Although we rely on word of mouth to inform people where we are registered, many more never get the info! I know that from at least 2 weddings and the one I just went to, a lot of people told me they had no idea they were even registered anywhere.
5. From the invites I got that included a registry card: I was extremely happy when I went to the registry website and click click click got their gift online to be sent to them; I loved that! -don`t like wrapping gifts.

In conclusion, although etiquette says not to do it, I find it practical and helpful to your guests. Plus, I dont think your guests will think, OMG how could they ever include a registry card!

There are classy ways to handle this now than there were before. Most people would note something in their shower invitations, either by an additional card, or printed at the bottom of their inviation. As far as the wedding invitation I have also seen a classy card included... Not the ugly one the actual store gives you. Something that matches your inviation. Or something noted on the reception card with directions that may be inside the inviation. It is not "proper editquette" to let people know where you are registered in your formal invitation, however, some brides are doing it now. If you do, just make sure it is tactful and it matches your invitation. It could be just a small line on the bottom of one of the enclosed cards.

As a wedding consultant for years, and after reading all this, in addition to dozens upon dozens of other etiquette websites on the subject, what I`ve come to find is:

1. It IS, in fact, considered in poor taste to add registry information IN THE WORDING OF YOUR INVITATION. Meaning not to include anything about gifts on your actual invitation.

2. In the past 10 years, 65% of couples getting married include a small card mentioning either a wedding website and/or where they are registered. The practice is still, however, considered to be "progressive". Meaning that if you and your family are more traditional, then....

3. The bride & groom must consider to whom they`re sending their invitations. Meaning, will they be close family that more than likely won`t mind a registry reminder, or will there be other friends of family that may not know the couple as well and therefore consider it rude.

4. These days, MOST if not all people that attend a wedding at least have the realization that it is considered POLITE to bring a gift to said wedding. THIS is the etiquette you should be concerned about. When attending a wedding, you are more than likely drinking and dining on the couple`s dime. Weddings are expensive! Therefore, it is only polite to buy the couple a gift. It is considered to be in EVEN POORER taste to not bring a gift to a wedding (especially if it is because of the registry), than it is to include a small registry reminder. The general consensus is that if you are going to get "bent out of shape" about the etiquette behind a registry reminder, then more than likely you didn`t particularly want to buy the couple a gift THEY wanted in the first place.

In the end, the decision to buy a gift is at the invitee`s discretion. And the happy couple should definitely think before including a registry reminder.

You people need to grow up and stop taking everything so personally! The wedding is about the bride, not you! And if it`s more convenient for her to include registry info with the invite, then that`s her prerogative! The last thing she needs is everyone calling her to ask where she`s registered! After all, she does have a wedding to plan! Too many people make situations all about themselves these days. "How dare you offend me by putting gift info in my invitation?!" Oh please.

Lynne,
Are you still single? With a tongue like that I bet you are! I would love to see your attempt in Portuguese or in another language other than "American".
Try this poem for registry invities;
More than just kisses so far
We’ve shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we’ve already got,
And in our home we can’t fit a lot!
A donation to our wishing well would be great,
But only if you wish to participate!

First off, for all you sensitive types you want to take offense at a little piece of paper with useful information on it: you`re being neurotic and unreasonable. The purpose of including registry information is for the convenience of guests who may not want to waste time looking at different websites (people value their time, and I don`t blame them).

Frankly if you`re the type to withold a gift because of a discreet slip with registry information, you`re probably a shallow person anyway who prefers drama over substance. Maybe take the energy you use being outraged by so-called etiquette blunders and volunteer at your local soup kitchen. GEESH.

I think you`re all a bunch of stuck up wenches. Who are you to say what`s going to offend people. I`ve never been offended by someone adding registry information with the invite. I think it`s very helpful.
As a man I don`t get invited to the bridal shower and I don`t really have contact with my friend`s friends. What are men supposed to do that want to get them a gift.
If you are offended by recieving this info then you`re far to stuck up and I don`t see how any of you could manage to get married in the first place. The only reason it`s rude is because you crones declaired it so. Everyone knows that newly weds are in need of things and should understand that this is the best way to let people know that this is what they need.
Lynne, good job attacking somones grammar as the reason for them being wrong on this subject. Do you realize how childish that is?

What surprises me is how people who seem to know wedding etiquette do not seem to know how to be decent human beings and resort to put-downs when someone disagree`s with them. What I have decided is that I don`t really care about the etiquette because people like that are too good to come to my wedding anyhow.

Wow, what a bunch of snobs. I can`t believe how uppity, catty, and petty the women on this site can be. If you`re that offended that I am letting you know where my fiance and I registered, then I don`t want you to bring a gift to my wedding anyways.

Btw, the argument that including a registry info card means that you think your guests are obligated to bring you gifts is total crap. Registering in the first place means that you think you`re entitled to gifts.

Quit being so pretentious and assuming the worst about people.

Maybe you should register for a glass stomach. That way, you wouldn`t have to pull your head out of your ass to see where you`re going.

This site and message board is used to help people answer questions not to be mean. By rudely commenting on someone’s grammar does not help the overall question. All it does is make people not want to help and take the time to post a message. It seems as thought the people who are the most offended by including registry info in the invites are the same people who forget how to be polite. It`s laughable to see someone think including the info is horrible etiquette and in the same breath make fun of people`s intelligence. These people are angry and I wouldn`t take their advice. By attacking people in this way you`re actually the one who comes off looking uneducated. To answer the question, including the info is less "rude" then expecting all your guests to find out the info on their own.