Cash For Gifts

I like your point....but i dont want to look "tacky" eirther
How would you word it in the invitation???

Note the word in #3...NERVE...that`s what your guests will think you have, all right. The majority of people in the world have good manners, and asking for cash takes you out of that group. Best to tell your parents that if anyone ASKS what you really need, THEY can say "There`s really not a lot that they need in the way of gifts... A check would probably be greatly appreciated".

Come to my party. Please bring money.

*laugh*

If this is what you`d consider modern, I think I`d rather hop in my time machine and go back a century than go to your wedding. Sorry, but no matter what year it is, inviting friends and loved ones to come to your event and charging admission is just rude. And yes, charging admission is exactly what it boils down to.

But as you say, to each their own. You`re not related to me, I don`t know you, so I have no reason to feel embarassed for you. I feel bad for your family though.

"Newlyweds are the most in need for cash than those who have been together longer. The wedding costs a lot of money--simply put, but this is not the point. There are plans for kids, a home and everything that life requires--these things require money. "

Yeah, except your INVITED GUESTS are not supposed to pay for your wedding, kids, home and anything else you want that requires money. YOU are supposed to pay for these things.

There`s nothing "new school" that says what you are doing is okay. It`s never ever acceptable to mention gifts at all anywhere on an invitation. If people ASK what you would like, you can tell them what you would prefer. But to initiate such a conversation on your own or to demand money only is just plan rude and tactless. I feel sorry for you. You have the graciousness of a barracuda.

Hi

I am getting married in July and between my fiance and I, we don`t need anymore appliances etc. Cash for Gifts is a "wedding etiquette" for the bride and groom to request at their wedding but you would want to put on your invitations at the bottom:

Wishing-Well Reception

You cannot worry about what people think because this is your choice and everyone is doing it across the globe. It is perfectly appropriate to have a wishing-well and is best that you let your guest know this on the invitations so that you won`t receive gifts.

Yes, it is okay :0)

Cya......Monique

**********REALITY CHECK**********

NOT EVERYONE HAS MONEY TO GIVE AWAY NOT UNLESS YOU WON`T BE OFFENDED IF ALL A GUEST CAN GIVE IS A SIMPLE $1

ACCEPT ALL GIFTS DON`T LIMIT IT TO MONEY

Monique and Amanda: Thanks for your understanding on this one.

Monique: You`re exactly right. It is okay to ask for money.

In an effort to ask for money and to avoid sounding "tacky" in doing so--I contacted a wedding planner who informed me to do the same thing-- printing "Wishing Well Reception" on the invitations is a simple yet not too straight forward request. Those who don`t know what that means, will kindly find out when they ask friends and family.

She also informed me to place little tent cards on the reception tables that says "Please place cards and money in the wishing well." She has used this method in the past with many of her clients at very elegant and classy events with no problems at all. She said many guests commented on the appreciation of the instructions that made everything less akward and extremely easy for everyone involved.

Most people really do understand that this is okay. I personally have no problem with someone asking me for money for their wedding gift either.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and personally--I will not be inviting anyone to my wedding who I feel cannot afford a gift. I really don`t know that many people in that predicament anyway.

Thanks!

REALWOMAN...I THINK YOU ARE RUID!!!! YOU STATED IN YOUR LAST RESPONCE " I WILL NOT INVITED ANYONE TO MY WEDDING IF THEY DONT HAVE MONEY TO BUY A GIFT."
THIS IS WAYYYYYY STUCKUP, AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS GIFTS AND MONEY, YOU DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH THE PEOPLE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU. YOUR JUST MONEY HUNGRY!!!!!!!

Hi Rosy:

The people who care about me (my friends and family) that I would like to spend this wonderful event with are pretty okay financially. That`s what I meant by that comment.

Is it rude to "not" know many people who are poor? I never put a $ amount on my expected gift anyway, but I`m sure they could afford a minimum of $50.00 which is fine by me.

Just let me be me and you be you. I love me!

I don`t know you--so please relax....

Good luck with your life and wedding, Rosy. I hope you don`t receive too many toasters.

SO CALLED "REALWOMAN" your not even a real woman if you cant even put your real name in your add!!
I will be happy in WHATEVER i recieve, even if its 100 toasters, its the thought that counts!!!!!!!!
I care about having a fun time not if they ONLY gave me a doller , if guest come to my wedding and didnt bring a gift I WOULDNT be upset!!
I can see where you are coming from, your on the "ritz" side but you have to think most people cant afford alot, and for that matter your " at the LEAST $50" is at the least they can give you , is really sad, it just seems like you are more concearned about the money and how much people give you. Thats sad.
I actually know some one that is having a wedding soon and in her invitation it says in big letters "NO GIFTS ONLY CASH" i was apolled by that, i will not be attention her wedding because that is plain out RUID!!! and she is on the upper class as well.

I think if you would like money , i just think there is a nicer way of putting it.. Like there will be a money tree at the location. Thats all. Also if someone just gives you a penny it shouldnt matter.

Trust me, it has nothing to do with being upper class or too ritzy. I come from an upper class upbringing and I live in a middle upper class neighborhood. I would NEVER EVER be so rude as to tell my loved ones "no gifts just cash". I certainly didn`t get more than one toaster but I did get a variety of things from checks to beautiful crystal to restaurant certificates to homemade "heirlooms". I`m sure that some spent a couple of hundred and some spent twenty. But I don`t care. Every gift that was given to us has special meaning.

Realwoman isn`t upper class. In fact I don`t think she has any class at all. In her first message she says "There are plans for kids, a home and everything that life requires--these things require money."

Of course those things require money. So get a better job and work hard like the rest of us do and pay for them yourself. Your wedding isn`t about getting money for your life wants.

GingerFagin and Rosy,

Please get your facts together before posting replies.

1. "Wishing-Well Reception" will be printed on the recpeption cards--Not "No gifts--just cash." I do agree that that is a bit blunt and distasteful.

Rosy--please learn how to spell and use correct grammer before posting your messages.

2. GingerFagin: My personal income or class has nothing to do with my request for money as a gift. It`s simply what I want and know how to ask for in a manner considered to be according to wedding ettiquette.

Furthermore, I am financially smart enough to know that if I couldn`t "afford" to have the beautiful wedding that I am planning--I wouldn`t be planning one at all.

So ladies: please be real women and recognize that in life--no one is the same--that`s the beauty of it all.

I`m really surprised at how personally you take this or how offended you are by things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

You or your friends/guests will not be at my wedding and I will not be at yours.

Are you okay with that?

I am.

So called realwoman .. Hmmm maybe you should read it again.. I didnt miss spell anything or use "inproper grammer? what whats this diffrence if i did?/ remember what you said... You are you i am i???
I rest my case.....

[B]1. "Wishing-Well Reception" will be printed on the recpeption cards--Not "No gifts--just cash." I do agree that that is a bit blunt and distasteful.[/B]

Semantics. Both are distasteful. You`re not supposed to put anything on your invitations or reception cards regarding gifts, money or wishing wells. The invitation is not a gift request or a gift directorial.

[B]GingerFagin: My personal income or class has nothing to do with my request for money as a gift. It`s simply what I want and know how to ask for in a manner considered to be according to wedding ettiquette.[/B]

That is fine if you would like monetary gifts, however you are quite mistaken as to the proper manner in asking for it according to etiquette and common sense. Whoever gave you this information did you a disservice. The proper way according to etiquette is to let your bridesmaids know that you would prefer money and when people ask them where you are registered they can let them know that you aren`t. Or your guests might actually ask you personally and then you can answer. But nowhere and never has it been acceptable to put anything about gifts on an invitation and never has it been acceptable for the bride or her parents to initiate any written or verbal mention of money.

[B]Furthermore, I am financially smart enough to know that if I couldn`t "afford" to have the beautiful wedding that I am planning--I wouldn`t be planning one at all.[/B]

Again, didn`t you previously state "There are plans for kids, a home and everything that life requires--these things require money."? I can`t believe if you are so "financially smart" that you would need your wedding guests to fund your kids and your home and everything else "that life requires".

[B]I`m really surprised at how personally you take this or how offended you are by things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.[/B]

I`m not offended. I just feel sorry that a grown woman could be so misled into such tactless behavior on her wedding day. In any case, I do wish you lots of luck on your special day. I`m sure your fundraiser will be a huge success.

[B]Rosy--please learn how to spell and use correct grammer before posting your messages.[/B]

Now this is amusing! You request correct spelling and proper grammar and yet you can`t even spell "grammar" correctly. Oh boy...
By the way here are some other interesting spellings you used: "recpeption" and "ettiquette".

Oh, Boy!

Looks like I struck a few nerves in that last posting.

Ginger: Thanks for the corrections. I`m sure you feel much better now.

Rosy: I can tell you`re not on my conversational level, so no more comments to you.

In fact, this is so childish and beyond me that I am in total disbelief.

My fiance` told me I was way too beautiful for you to understand that people feel so blessed to be invited to our wedding anyway. We have totally different lives and lifestyles.

I`ll leave you with a simple poem:

It doesn`t matter anyway
Cause I don`t really care what you say
I wish you all the very best
But you`re about as bitter as lemon zest

So just keep posting `til your hearts` content
I hope you`re not frustrated over the time you spent
Trying to judge what you can`t see or touch
You don`t know me-- so why don`t you just HUSH!

I rest my case and will reply no more

[[Ginger: Thanks for the corrections. I`m sure you feel much better now. ]]

Sorry love, you brought that one on all by yourself. If you`re going to accuse someone of poor spelling then at least make sure you spell the words correctly yourself. I`m still laughing at your "correct grammer" with an "e". Duh...

[[My fiance` told me I was way too beautiful for you to understand that people feel so blessed to be invited to our wedding anyway.]]

Oh ha ha. Perhaps you are absolutely gorgeous. But deluding yourself into thinking that people feel blessed to be invited to your wedding because of your looks? Maybe you are beautiful, but apparently not too bright.

[[We have totally different lives and lifestyles.]]

Well finally we agree on something! Yea! Our lifestyles are definitely completely different! 1)You depend on your family and friends to fund your wants and needs while I buy my own house and pay for my own children - with my own money! What a concept! 2) You make your personal wants and needs and monetary gain the focus of your wedding day, while I understand the true meaning of my wedding and the importance of my family and friends in attendance. 3) You`ve got a huge ego to compensate for your social and financial shortcomings and I`ve got everything I ever wanted and needed just by working hard and GIVING instead of taking. 4) You think your guests should feel blessed to get an invitation to your wedding while I feel I am the one blessed to have my guests be with me.

But carry on. Continue using "etiquette" as your excuse for everything you want, even when etiquette clearly states the opposite of everything you want.

[[I`ll leave you with a simple poem:]]

You`re right. It was quite simple. Keep your day job.

I am getting married 07/05/03 and on our invitations we put monetary gifts only. Since we have two households and are combining it into one, we have everything we need. We were told that was ok.

All I have to say is......I am truly embarrassed for your family. What a spoiled little brat! I only wish that your friends and family could see these posts! You wouldn`t have to worry about what gifts you would receive, you would end up with only those that truly had to be there, there. Maybe your parents, although if you belonged to me I don`t think I`d even come. IT IS NEVER PROPER TO ASK FOR MONEY! As posted above you can try to get the word out but that is it!

This obviously is a HOT topic!!!
It`s one I`ve been struggling with. However our circumstances are a little different. My finance and I will have packed up and shipped all of our household holds to Japan, where we`re immediately transferring after getting married. We too have already combined our two households and have 99% of things we need. So shipping gifts could be costly for us.
We would actually like pictures of all our families and friends to take with us. As wedding gifts, we would like current pictures and a friendly, loving notes of encouragement as reminders while we`re gone. Any suggestions, on how to work this request? Is it tacky to ask this? One friend suggested including a small card explaining our upcoming transfer to Japan and request pictures there. Any thoughts??
Thanks...
Linda

Oh my!
Firstly, Linda I think your idea sounds lovely about the pictures. In England we normally send out our invites with Maps / Accomodation information written out on a separate piece of paper. Perhaps you could explain your situation here. I can`t believe anyone would be offended with being asked to bring photographs - it`s hardly grasping.

If people have a gift list then they mention where it is held in this this letter, tactfully - eg Your presence is all we need to help make this special day perfect, however should you wish to mark our marriage with a gift . . . Etc.

On the subject of Cash over gifts - as a bride to be, I understand that money would be great, especially if you already have all that you need but I think it does sound very rude. Yes times are changing and now it is pretty acceptable to have a wedding list, but ultimately any wedding presents should be an "added bonus" not a prerequisite. At a wedding last year a good friend asked for gift vouchers father than presents, and I found this upsetting. Yes I could rationalise her request but ultimately I felt like I was financing her life rather than giving her something personal. I think wedding gifts should be given as a reminder of that person`s attendance on your special day - if you give someone money that memory is lost. We ended up buying a gift of our own choosing - we spent over $80 so it wasn`t a question of being cheap but we wanted a present that would remind her of her wedding day and of us being there.

So my suggestion would be if you really believe you have to ask for money then have a small gift list for those that feel the way we did, and phrase your situation very tactfully on a separate letter. Perhaps you are saving for an expensive item eg a dining room table and chair set etc.

We gave money to another friend - she had a list held with her aunt which included household items but also things like "bungy jump voucher" for their honeymoon. We actually chose this item and sent the aunt a cheque and she sent us a homemade gift voucher - the end result was the same - we gave money but we gave itfor a particular gift and were happy to do so. So I guess it comes down to the the way it`s phrased.

Well those are my thoughts - I`m personally not asking for money / vouchers but if you have to, there are ways of putting it. Regardless, I definitely would not mention anything on the invitation itself!

Good Luck!

Let`s keep a little perspective here, ladies. Your `wedding` is the time you and your fiance spend exchanging your vows before God (or whatever entity you choose to believe in) and your family and friends. The rest is just a party that you`ve chosen to throw in celebration of those precious few minutes of verbalized commitment. Asking for and expecting gifts -- whether cash or otherwise -- is focusing on something that is so not the important thing about this life-altering event.

Any gift given out of obligation, or via instruction, rather than from the heart shoud be handed back to the giver. And any recipient of a gift who cares what it is, shouldn`t be a recipient of any gift.

Off my soapbox now.

Mnwedding2003@yahoo.com

Well said Nancy!