Maid Of Honour
I am getting married July 28th and am having a problem with my maid of honour. I asked my best friend to be my maid of honour thinking she would want to help me and be apart of my day. I got engaged in November and since then i have done a lot of work making plans especially since i live an hour away from her and everyone else i know. Before i got engaged Jess and i saw each other all the time or if not talked a couple times a week. Now i talk to her maybe once a month because she says she is too busy and have only seen her once since November. I honestly think it may have something to do with me getting engaged before her since all of a sudden she has no time for our friendship. I know that sound horrible to say but i really am starting to think that is part of the reason. During all this i have been extra careful to not talk about wedding stuff all the time and to talk about her but nothing is changing. I have not pushed any wedding stuff on her at all except for 2 1/2 weeks ago I organized everyone to get there bridesmaid dresses. She showed up after we had found everyhting and then kept complaining the whole time that she didn`t have time for this because she had dinner with her live in boyfriend. Meanwhile i drove and hour to go shopping and made these plans weeks in advance so that i wouldn`t bother anyones schedule. This is when i was hopeing to get together to finally talk about the wedding stuff since she has no idea where it even is so far and i asked her to change her plans and she said sorry she was hungry and went out for supper instead. I was really hurt by the way she was acting and has been acting . I really just want my friend to care about my special day and be there but i am getting the feeling she doesn`t want to be there. I decided after all this i was going to not giveher a call to see if she even noticed, and its been 2 1/2 weeks and i still haven`t heard from her. I am not sure what to do, i have not asked her to really do anything after all it is my wedding but its hard when the one person i am suppose to turn too is always to busy or just doesn`t care. II have asked her if she really wanted to do this and she claims yes but the actions are showing me something diffrent. I have no idea what to do about this situation and i get married in 6 months!! PLEASE HELP!!!!
Posted by Cassandra; updated 01/25/07
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It seems as though your friend is jelous, but maybe its differant than you think, maybe she is afraid of losing you....sit hr down if you can or call her up. Tell her you really need her help, and if she can`t or doesn`t want to do these things somebody else who does have time should get the honor of being your maid of honor, its an HONOR not a privelage....and if she doesn`t shape up...find somebody else, tell her you want her in the wedding but feel that if sombody else has to do the honor attendants work ...they should be the honor attendant.
Posted by lindsey; updated 01/26/07
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I don`t have all the background, but possibly she is hurt? Because you are getting married, and she is not? otr maybe it has nothing to do with you, but something else going on with her? maybe, you could try and call her, or send her a nice card, and ask if she would like to talk to you about it? or is everything ok with her? sometimes it is difficult to tell our friends when we are hurt, it appears that we are angry with them..but in fact it has nothing to do with them. Congrats on your wedding, we have been planning ours for two years now, we are to be wed in june 07. Maybe i am off base on this, good luck, beccah
Posted by Beccah; updated 01/27/07
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Communication is the key. Let your friend know that your fiancee` is an addition to family not a subtraction from you and her friendship. It is important that the lines of communication are always open because otherwise there will be room for many assumptions, which are most of the time negative. Tell her how you feel. Express yourself, but remember to be positive, but honest.
Posted by Miss Polly; updated 01/29/07
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Hi Cassandra,
I`m so sorry to hear about your situation. Its a stressful enough time-then you have to deal with her on top of everything. I definitely feel for you. My thoughts and advice are going to differ slightly from those above- mainly b/c I`m 2 months away from my wedding, so I know the type of toll this takes and also b/c I`ve been through my share of selfish friends. In my opinion, your friend is being incredibly selfish, thoughtless and rude. Hurt because you are engaged? WHAT! What kind of a friend is that! She has no right to be anything but happy for you. If she chooses to be anything less than supportive and excited for you- then she is not a true friend. You have, from what it sounds, gone above and beyond to keep things normal with her. The bottom line here- things aren`t normal. Your relationship with her will change. You are getting married. She needs to accept that- not alienate you. If I were you, I would sit her down, tell her you are dissapointed in her actions and attitude lately and that as much as you would not like to have to do this- unless she starts acting like the best friend/maid of honor she is supposed to be, you will have to ask her to relingquish the "Maid of Honor" honor. You deserve to be happy and stress free around this time. You also deserve to have a MOH that is supportive and helpful- in every manner! I`m sorry I`m rambling- I just feel for your situation. I really hope things work out for you and the rest of your planning is as smooth as it can be. Good luck:)
Posted by Hil; updated 02/01/07
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We are close to our wedding date as well. End of June. So I do feel the stress as well. But, I felt that she was asking for some suggestions??? and So I thought, that being kind to her and asking her MOH what was going on with her, was a kind first option. People tend to get defensive when you approach them negatively. Of course if her MOH didn`t open up to her after the initial contact, then she could always opt to not have her be a part of the ceremony. She definitely doesn`t need any stress. It was just a suggestion.
And after all thats all we can do, is suggest, or give ideas, but she makes the decisions in her life. Best of luck whatever you do, Beccah
Posted by beccah; updated 02/01/07
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I am the maid of honor in my g-friends wedding and I have pretty much have become her wedding planner.
I am loving every minute of it :) Also throwing her a shower. Ive been talking to her at least once a day . Yesterday talked to her 4 times.
It could be your friend is afraid of losing you or shes jealous. ?
If she is going to make problems for the wedding anc cause you stress - it is best for you to talk to her and consider asking someone else who is going to be able to help you and support you more.
Maid of honor has a huge amount of responsibility and you need someone who is going to be there for you.
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Posted by dutchessbridal; updated 02/06/07
