Soon To Be Second Wife?

I`m getting married this July. And yes I`ll be the second wife. We`ve had many discussion about his first wife. She has four children with three men, my future husband was the second man. The third man has recently left her. My issues are child support. My fiance pays $500.00 a month and still pays half of his sons baseball fees and buys all his clothes and shoes. What does she do with the $500.00?? I have been a single mother for seven years and have raised my daughter on my own with no support from her father. I pride myself for being a very strong and independant working woman. My fear is as soon as we get married she`ll sue her more child support. His ex-wife calls for ridiculous reasons. It`s women like her that make me ashamed of being a woman.

I totally understand where you are at. To have taken the high road and been a self sufficient mother, it is always hard to see the ones that work the system. Depending on your state she may be able to get more, but probably not. Does she work? What state are you in?

No she doesn`t work. She worked briefly two years ago. I`m in California. Yes, people have warned me about her suing for more money. She didn`t even graduate high school, but still she can get a job, she has before, I don`t know how! She is just so phony to me. She has no shame, having four kids with three men, and whose to say she won`t have more!!!

I`m sure she`ll have more. No high school education, 4 children by 3 men, and they`ve changed the welfare laws, so it`s only temporary.

According to many studies done recently, the culture and society has changed, from a big swing where you could live a life on welfare with lots of kids, and then back toward the polar opposite, where you get nothing. We`re in for a rough ride for the next couple years until as a society we can change the mindset of teens having kids and get them into college instead of parenthood.

As for her not being able ot get a job, here are a couple of tactics:
1. YOU get a prenup.
2. IF she asks for more money, ask the Commissioner to order her to job training. OR ask that the Commissioner IMPUTE her income at at least minimum wage for 40 hours a week when calculating support.
3. Object to the Commissioner hearing your case as a JUDGE. If you object, then the order MUST be approved by a real judge and if you don`t like what you get, you can ask for a real elected Judge to hear it again. If the Commissioner hears it as a Judge your only recourse is Appeal. About 2 years and $40,000. That`s why most people don`t do it.

Now, based on my research, only a handful of Commissioners will follow these guidelines even though this is what they are supposed to do. This would make the support reasonable and much lower than they can extract from your future hubby, so don`t hold your breath. So be very prepared with lots of evidence. Make sure you say on the record what the evidence is and that you are submitting it to the court.

I wish you the best of luck!

What a roller coaster ride. I was 18 years old when I had my daughter. I graduated high school and have been working ever since. I cannot believe how blind the system can be. I have a co-woker that pays $861.00 in child support for 1 kid!! His ex makes $30.00 an hour. But she lies and totally plays the system. I see this guy doing the right thing, supporting his child, but I feel the exes attitude is uncalled for, she wants to sqeeze every penny from this guy!!! I have no sympathy for these women.

Yes for women who really need the money and not to women who have more kids to get more money!!! $500.00 is a lot, plenty!!! But still they go halves on everything. My future husband and I buy his son the necessities, that she could easily buy with the child support money. These women are making men pay, big time!!! If I received money from my daughter`s father, I wouldn`t ask him to pay half of anything!!!! She could just sit there at home, watch tv, and collect child support. What a life!!!

We are planning a Feb. 2008 wedding. First time bride here with a (hopefully soon to be divorced fiance) He has no children however, I have a daughter) He is wonderful with her and at times I feel like I am raising two children. He doesn`t have the troubles with child support however his "wonderful" ex feels she is entitled to everything he has ever made so he has to pay her support that is outragous because even though she has more degrees than she knows what to do with people felt he needed to provide more money to her. Gotta love the system huh?

I know how that goes. Is she under-employed? She has a duty to self support and if she has several degrees you can ask the Judge to assess her income as what her best degree would earn her on the open market. If she has the ability to work and chooses not to, then that is against the whole idea of spousal SUPPORT!!!!

If you would like to be a case study in my book (anonymous of course) I love to hear more. I am short real life accounts without kids. All my horror stories involve child support services.

May I also ask, who does he pay? her or the state? Might figure in to why they let her get away with it.

If he`s not all the way divorced, and he has legal counsel, they should request that she be imputed income, or show that her degrees have value and she is self supporting. Alimony is not an entitlement if you don`t NEED it. And it is awarded in only 14% of the cases NATIONWIDE (mostly in a couple of states).

How long was your soon to be husband married? I have a co-worker who was married for over 20 years, divorced now for over 10 years and she still collects alimony. We were just talking about it the other day. She says she won`t remarry. She only gets $300.00 a month, but her attitude is...hey that`s a car payment. I can only think about her ex husbands new wife. My co-worker is hurt and angry...let it go move on... She doesn`t need the money....this is her revenge!!!

I have a pretty interesting story. My future husband`s ex wife and I are friends. We are not alike in many ways but we do go out for dinner about once a month, chat on the phone.we did not know eachother prior to my future husband introducing us. They have put the past behind them. She is re married to a nice man. The four of us get together from time to time. I respect her. She will be attending our wedding.

I know the story well. My husbands ex and I were very good friends, coparented the children, discussed homework and discipline, we went to their parties, they came to ours. She even played the music at our wedding. I felt like I was blessed to have such a wonderful ex, a great mother in law, and awesome kids.

Since you are friends, I`d be sure that all the paperwork is in order, and you`ll stay friends. Otherwise you never know... Hopefully there are no kids, no alimony, no financial ties. If so, you stand a good chance.