How Do I Politely Decline A Wedding Invitation?
I have a friend overseas that I`ve known for over 9 years and 3 weeks ago he sent me an email in which he told me that he`s getting married on March 3rd, and he`s counting on me being there. In the email the location and the time were the only things stated, I don`t know if there will be a reception. After looking at everything I have to plan: passport, visa, airline tickets, train tickets, hotel room, hostess gifts, wedding gift and currency exchange, I can`t afford to go. He is a good friend and he once told me that he would be upset if I didn`t attend his wedding. How do I politely decline the invitation without the risk of losing our friendship? I do want to be polite already and respond to his invitation as soon as possible, because the wedding is less than 2 months away...What wording should I use to explain that I can`t afford to go (or do I even explain that to begin with, or do I wait until my friend asks why I`m opting out)? I know it would be appropriate to send a card and a gift, but I`m stumped at that too because I`ve never met the bride and I don`t know if she`d like any gift I`d send. Any advice?
Posted by Unsure; updated 12/30/06
Reply
I would start by telling him that sometimes we make promises that we really think we can keep, but later on we find we can`t. A true friend will understand that. Tell him the truth - that you simply can`t afford it but that you really wish you could.
But rather than feeling guilty and avoiding the subject, after you`ve declined, be excited for him. Ask him to send pictures of his fiance, ask what things she`s into, etc.
Have a friend video tape a message from you and send it to him congratulating the two of them - hold up a glass of champagne & toast them - tell them both you wish you could come but you will be thinking of them that day and wishing them all the best!
He might be upset at first, but he`ll get over it. The most important thing is your honesty in this case.
As far as sending a gift, I don`t know how much you can spend, but photo frames are always special because every married couple can use them.
A picnic basket with table linen, two glasses, plates and cutlery is a nice touch too and for some extra dollars you can include a bottle of wine. They have some cute things online.
Posted by Terri; updated 01/16/07
