Children At Weddings

It might be worth your while to hire a few teenagers to herd the children. It probably won`t be that expensive. Many caterers will also prepare a kids mean (chicken nuggets..) for a smaller per head fee. It`s worth looking into.

Try discussing your Concerns with the Bride & Groom & ask them to speak with their family members about this subject. Let them appraoch the subject that way it doesn`t seem like you`re being Bossy about the situation .
Tami

If the children`s names were not on the invitation, they were not invited. Some people will take a mile so don`t even give them an inch. Stand your ground and let them know they are not invited. I have a friend who was married in April and is still resentful about people who brought univited guests or children. By all means, talk to the bride and groom before doing anything.

I was surprised to read your message. I know, being a mother, that sometimes you have no choice but to take your children with you even though it may not be as easy. From reading through this message, I know that on my invitations I never listed out the kids` names but it was assumed that they would be there. I considered them part of the persons family and I would want the loved ones to come regardless if they are able to find a sitter or not, isn`t that a point of a wedding, to be surrounded by those you love? Lighten up a little, what are weddings without the sounds of kids laughing or smiling. It sounds like you are worried that they may ruin the wedding but you may be surprised. All kids can be unruly at times but with a large group there maybe they will be kept busy with the excitement and completely cooperate. It has happened! Good luck and I hope things will run smoothly without any hurt feelings.

A few years ago, when a family member of a good friend of mine got married, they decided they did not want small children there. So they asked me if I minded watching the children in the nursery of the church. I put a movie in for them and they watched the movie or played.
They had ushers direct the parents to the nursery as they came in explaining that the bride and the groom had provided a nursery so the church would be quiet and the parents could enjoy the ceremony. Most parents loved the idea and enjoyed the break.
As a parent of little ones now, I know I would not have a problem with that especialy knowing my kids were fine and having fun. Mommy and Daddy get to enjoy the wedding too!

When my brother married 2-years ago, at first his "wife" said that their would be children under the age of "18." However, the only people that were their were her nieces & nephews (on HER SIDE of the family), and it had hurt my parents very dearly.

If you don`t want wars, then either have ALL of the children there, OR, have a CHILDLESS wedding (w/an explanation as to "WHY" for this latter event), unfortunately, you can`t win in this situation.

The last thing I suggest is that you ELOPE, THEN HAVE A "WEDDING" RECEPTION at a later date with ALL of the children invited, and there won`t be any wars!

Good luck in your endeavors.

When a friend got married she made wedding coloring books on her computer and bought small packs on crayons to keep the kids occupied. The kids were happy they got something and it kept them busy for awhile.

I agree with Judy on a lot of things. Ultimately, the decision to have children at the wedding is your daughter and future son-in-law`s, but first speak to your daughter and investigate about their initial thoughts. Also I`m not sure how far along in the planning process they are (date is 6 months or less away), or if they`re in the early stages, perhaps they haven`t given this subject a thought. Either way, you could opt for happy meals, pizza, or sandwiches for the children that attend. For the ceremony, coloring books are an excellent idea to have. Your local dollar discount store normally carries these or you could check your nearest Costco or Sam`s Club for arts and crafts. Just some ideas and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck.

It is up to the bride and groom to tell this brides`s maid tht her childeren are not invited. That is why there are children`s parties for them. If it has already been made a rule that only childrent hat are family then that`s the way it should be kept. And you need to stick to this decision because some people might get offended if someone can bring their kids ans the others can`t. It`s very costly to have everyone invited. You shouldn`t even write a letter. Just call her and tell her. Tell her that she needs to read the invitationa dn understand that it is addressed a certain way for a reason.

The people who can contest uninvited guests are as follows: the bride, the groom, and whomever is paying for the wedding. The immediate family of the bride and groom not contributing financially to the wedding can (and will) voice their concerns, but ultimate decisions are left to those being honored or those paying to honor.

The issue is that kids cost just as much to include at a reception as adults. Babysitters cost, pizza--while not filet mignon--still costs, extra space to put them costs. You know that "$150-a-head" saying? Kids, cute and small as they may be, are heads. This all falls onto the people paying for the event.

The other issue is that (ahem, Jennifer) while YOU might think it`s lovely to have children included, the bride and groom might not. And that`s an imposition on the couple`s enjoyment of their own celebration. It`s not your wedding. If your kids are not invited, respect the couple`s wishes, hire a babysitter, and leave them at home.

I`m a single mom who`s often invited "Kate & Guest." I never bring my 8-year-old as my "Guest" and I never ask to bring my daughter Why? Because asking itself puts the hosting party in an uncomfortable position--they might feel compelled to reveal they don`t like children, they think my kid`s too loud or whatever. I never bring my kid because everyone who`s invited me to a wedding knows I have a daughter. If they had wanted me to bring her, then her name would be on the interior envelope, underneath my own.

You may love your kids and kids in general, but if you want to be a good guest, you have to accept that not everyone will feel the way you do. And if you`re partying on their dime, then you`ll have to play by their rules.

Kate,

I believe the issue I was responding to was posted by the mother of the bride who was upset with children being at the wedding. If the bride was complaining then I would probably agree more with your point. My wedding is coming up and I completely understand how expensive weddings can be. Weddings around here are more family orientated events and we make due for those who have children (even loud obnoxious children). They are kids and that is the way that kids can act at times. I didn`t mean to offend you. Kids are an enjoyment to me and it is fun to see my daughter dancing around at a wedding. I guess I have never been to a wedding where children weren`t wanted. I posted my reply to try and help Suzi deal with a situation and to maybe understand another side of things.

So I guess, ahem, Kate, I hope you can understand that.

Best of luck, Jennifer

I AGREE with Kate. Kids should be at home, dont get me wrong kids are great, but I do not want any at my wedding, there a distraction and just when your having fun you have to leave to accomidate the kids. Let the grown ups have a night to themselves, and again your kids may be cute and funny to you but there yours and can be annoying to others.

I guess this subject will be looked at differently depending on wether you have children or not. Most people I know, do not want kids at weddings.
I was the one who wrote this six months ago. We did have quite a few young ones.....one of them ran around drinking wine and being wild....I don`t know who his parents were, this is what I was talking about. Parents seem to think that it is the responsibility for someone other than themselves to watch their children. I did not feel obligated to get babysitting or provide seperate entertainment or dinners for them. As mother of the bride, we had enough to pay for without having to add on another expense.
Also, the mother of the groom did not want the children to see the removal of the garter....it wasn`t done in a bad way, but to her the kids shouldn`t see things like that.
What I did since we were paying for everything is, each side was given a number they could invite. If the grooms side wanted all these children, then the kids were counted as a number.
As for the bridesmaid who wanted to bring her kids, there was no way her kids were going to be one of my numbers. We had too many family members and friends we wanted there at my daughters wedding. My daughter did not want those children at her reception, she just didn`t know how to not offend her bridesmaid.
After all....our goal was to have a beautiful wedding not a childrens free for all.
As for the feelings that if one cannot bring their children then they do not think that they need to be there either, that really is unfair to react that way. Weddings cost an awful lot. I just don`t feel it`s right for a parent to "bully" the person hosting a party such as this into letting them bring their kids. I don`t understand that way of thinking.
The wedding turned out beautiful, my daughter and her husband had a wonderful time and everyone had so much fun.
Everyone has to have limits when they put on a big reception such as this. There is a time and a place for children, but parents need to understand that if they bring their kids then they should not let them run wild and ruin a wedding reception.
I think if a person wants a lot of children at their wedding then the time of day should be a factor when planning. Most young children are tired at the end of the day and we all know what happens when you get a child who is over tired.
It truly is the bride and grooms day, but as the parents who had to pay for the event.......we also had a say. My daughter wanted a certain type of wedding that was going to cost quite a bit, you have to cut corners sometimes.....to give her what she wanted ,we had to stick to a head count.

I should also add, my daughter is now pregnant, and I am so excited. They will be going to a wedding next August.
My son in law already asked me to go along (it`s out of town) so I can watch the baby........of course I had a big grin and a yes answer!!!
They will want a night out to have fun without worrying about the little one needing something. I will happily watch my grandson!!!

Suzi,

I am glad to hear that your daughter had a wonderful wedding, with the exception of the child drinking wine :). I agree that this is completely the parents responsibility and I hope I didn`t offend you with my response. I just took your posting as being slightly stressed and my only intentions were to offer another point of view. Weddings can be very stressful at times and this message board seems to help me when I get stressed out, it helps me see the other side of things, sometimes!!!
Glad to hear the wedding was successful and congratulations on becoming a grandmother!!!!

Best wishes,
Jennifer

Hi Jennifer,
I was stressed! Believe it or not we did have a family tell us if their kids don`t go then they won`t come!!!
It was a close friend who told us that! Other friends of ours who heard that too were so offended by that statement.....we were iniviting the children because they were close to us, and a bit older!
Anyway, I thank you for your input....there are so many different things one must do and take into consideration....with the exception of the little wine drinker, most of the kids did well.....some of the younger ones did run but kids will be kids.
I knew my daughter wanted an evening, elegant wedding....now had she wanted a day time, less formal wedding I might have been more flexable when it came to children.
It really is hard to please everyone, sometimes you do step on toes......this is truly a great expense, so it is very stressful!!!
Everyone did have a great time.....days later people told us how much fun they had. The kids did too! My daughter called from her honeymoon and said she had so much fun......so I do believe she had gotten her magical day! I for one am glad it`s done!!!!
Have a great day and again, thanks for the input....a lot of people share your feelings about children and weddings....so your not alone!!!

I am disgusted by how many people think that it is rude to have an adult-only wedding and reception. I think it is rude to assume that everyone wants children around. I was recently a bridesmaid in a wedding that was positively ruined by children...all you hear in the entire video of the ceremony is crying and screaming. And then at the reception, the kids took over the entire dance floor, the bouquet toss, etc. And it was very annoying. I`m sorry, but a 5 year old should not be allowed to catch the bouquet when there are single girls in their 20s for whom the tradition exists! It completely ruined the atmosphere.
I understand that parents want to take their children to share in the joy of the bride and groom, but it is up to the couple. Sometimes the atmosphere and time of day of the wedding is simply not appropriate for children. For my upcoming wedding, a black-tie night wedding by candlelight, there will certainly be no children under 18.
Yes, there will be options for those family members who think I am the rudest person on earth. I will have a supervised children`s babysitting area FAR away from the ceremony and reception. Personally, I would not have a problem telling a guest who brought a child to take the child away. If you are going to attend someone`s wedding, have the decency to respect their wishes.

Wow, um i am a little confused here, is it your daughters wedding or yours? My advise to you is to mind your own business, this is your daughters problem not yours, that is even if it bothers her at all. You sound like the word children raises the hair on the back of your neck, i really do not see any problem here, will it ruin your daughters day or yours? ask yourself that.

I do believe the person(s) paying for the wedding do have a say.
You are talking about an awful lot of money, and as many others have stated weddings have been ruined because of children.
I went to a wedding recently and a mother let her barely walking baby walk across the dance floor that was full of people dancing a very fast dance.
There is a time and a place to witness a baby taking steps, a busy dance floor was not the time or the place.
Perhaps if parents used common sense and thought that not everyone is going to think about their child as they do then perhaps they would teach their kids manners and how to behave at events such as a wedding. Kids are going to be kids, but manners are not something that is being taught much.
My husband and I paid for the wedding. We had a say, and if that was not welcomed then I think the bride and groom should pay for their own wedding.
What it really boils down to is that people will not watch their children. They let them go and expect someone else to watch their children.
People need to use common sense, and there is a lot of that lacking.

Jenny I think it was nice of you to have had a childrens area. I just didn`t want to go that route because it`s an added expense that to me was very unnecessary, but I do think it`s nice for you to have provided that.
I am amazed at the lack of consideration about this, after all a wedding is a far cry from a back yard bbq!
I hope your wedding turned out beautiful!
Suzi