Nasty Mother In Law
Hi,
I have been married for 14 months to a wonderful man who i love a lot, but his mom has too many expectations from us which has ruined our marriage so far, in first place she is very adamant abt us all living under the smae roof, which we did for one long year which was a very humiliating n frustating expereince for me, and then me n my husband left theri house one day in great frustation and ever since then she didnt let us live in peace, first she tried tellnig him how depressed she is coz of this, and how hurt she is, then how sick she is, n now she is pressurizing him to move back in that house with or without me, and he feels immensely guilty that he left his mom`s house in bad terms and his mom is sufferring coz of him,n in turn pressurizes me to move back in that house which iwill not do , coz i need my own space to maintain my sanity, so he has told me to move back with him in his mom`s house or divorce, i love him a lot, and i know he loves me a lot too, but he cant see his mom`s tactics to be in control and feels sandwitched bet us two , he is also very frustated, and i am very sad, please help, any suggestions how can i save my marriage??
Posted by snigdha; updated 05/30/06
Reply
You can save your marriage by going to counseling. Get it out in the open to a stranger who has nothing to do with your families or relationship, what is going on and find out what (s)he says about it. Your husband needs to be an adult and realize that when he gets married, his before marriage family becomes secondary while his wife and the family that they build together becomes primary. This should have been discussed if you went to counseling before you got married. I didn`t do a few months of counseling, I did a year because being a counselor for children, I know that it takes time to get through anything you are feeling. We spoke about parents, we read the bible together, we prayed, we talked and we set goals for our relationship and family. I love and respect his parents and he feels the same for mine. In the counseling, they brought in our parents and those sessions helped us to become closer together and to help us to grow. One last thing, do NOT have a disagreement and run to tell your mother or your girlfriends. Keep them OUT of your married life. I have so many friends who would run to me to tell me things, tell their mothers and I am not married yet and most of their mothers were either never married or divorced. Be mature about your relationship and seek a professional.
Posted by Jen; updated 06/03/06
Reply
I am just curious as to why your mother in law insists that her married son live in her house. Usually people do not live with theri parents after they get married unless it is absolutely necessary. That seems like a very unreasonalbe request. It is also unreasonable that your husband is listening to her. Are you both really young? Are you financially stable on your own? If so then your mother in law sounds crazy.
Posted by kara; updated 06/03/06
