Nice Stepmom - Evil Mother
I was looking for advice and found this site - WOW you all really dislike stepmothers! I wonder if you any of you are just beginning a life where you will be a stepmother? If you are going to be a new stepmother you may feel differently when the step child you helped raise gets married and you find out that you are being sent to the back of the room.
My question is what if your finance`s mother is the wicked witch and the stepmom has been the better mother of the two? My stepson is trying to have a relationship with his mother, so he doesn`t want to make her angry, (she gets very spiteful when angry or off her meds).
My future step-daughter in law is planning a wedding by a river where the heat will be anywhere from 95 - 115. There are no accomodations within 30 miles and she expects all of us to camp out. Neither my husband or myself can handle the heat, so that is an issue we are trying to figure out how to deal with without hurting the bride`s feelings.
In her defense she is a wonderful country girl who we already love and fits into our family, she is just a little naive. She is not trying to hurt anyone`s feelings, she just has this dream and she isn`t thinking things through. There is extreme animosity between my stepson`s mother and his father and myself. We CAN be in the same space on the planet for the wedding, but we can not speak and we certainly can not hang out and camp out together.
My husband is in the wedding party and I just found out that I will be expected to sit apart from my husband while the wedding party dines together. I do not yet know where they plan to seat my stepson`s mother. I do know that she will take great pleasure in my discomfort - as she is extremely manipulative. After all there was a reason her marriage did not work out. I have been married and in this family for 26 years and while I do not expect to be part of the wedding, I did not expect to be "sent to the back of the room".
I am looking for honest, compassionate feedback. I want to find a way to make this work for my stepson and his finances sake as I love them very much and BYW I am a stepmother who does have their pictures all over my walls. If you just want to dish a stepmother because you hate yours, please do not reply, but if you have advice on how to overcome these issues in a healthy manner that will help our family continue to be strong and not put a permanent rift in it, then thank you.
Posted by D; updated 02/12/06
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Wow the comment about being in the back of the room hit home. I accepted that duty when i met the man of my dreams who has custody of his three teenagers and i also have 3 myself. I`ll first tell you that i had a horrible experiance with a stepmother who is probably the most manipulative person i ever met. I met my future stepmon 4 years before they would marry 1 day after my parents divorce. Any ways after lots of hurt anon existant realation ship with my dad over it 17 years later she left my dad for a 30 year old truck driver she is 56.when i met my soon to be i knew that no matter what i would never make those kids feel like i felt during that time in my life.what i didnt expect was to be used and manipulated by the kids im good as long as im giving. But when school or chores comes into it or just plain no. Im the most evil person in the world. Oh well sometimes what can you do? anyways sorry to ramble on about my stuff i was thinking why don`t you and your husband rent a motor home? that way when you need to cool off you can do so. As far as that manipulative woman in your nothing works better then a big giant smile and kill with kindness. Good luck
Posted by stacey; updated 02/13/06
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Let me start out by saying that I am not a stepmother nor do I have a stepmother however my daughter has a stepmother and even though we do not like each other my daughter has never and will never know this. She thinks we are the best of friends. Nor do we use the term step-mom or step-dad she calls her mom and my husband dad. Anyway, my advise if you choose to use it is this. Be an adult (not intended to sound pissy) set your step-SON and soon to be daughter down and ask questions. Where will your mother be sitting where will I be sitting? Your husband sitting with the wedding party is the way that it should be if he is part of the wedding party and you should not feel in anyway that it has to do with you being a step-MOM. I can see how you may feel that you are being pushed to the back but I do not feel this is the case as your husband is part of the wedding party and you are not. Unless mates are both part of the wedding party then I am sure that you will not be the only spouse to be sitting elsewhere. As far as the place for the wedding that; you really have no say in as it is THEIR day and if they want it in blistering heat then thats where they should have it ( not a very good idea but okay). As a wedding planner I would incourage the bride to rent a tent where her guests can get out of the heat and to have the reception in. With some misting fans because she wants this day to be a special as possible but she will not have it that way if her guests are miserable and suffering from the heat. I am not sure how yall get along with her parents but you may try to have a sit down with the couple and her parents and talk to them like adults and let her know your concerns about the heat not only for you but for the rest of the guests as well and see if yall can come up with some sort of compromise. I hope that this helps and that the day turns out to be great.. GOODLUCK.
Posted by Alli; updated 02/14/06
