Help With Disapproving Dad...
I`m planning an October 14, 2006 wedding. On our wedding day, my fiance will be 21 and I will turn 21 about 2 months later. We`ve currently been dating for a year and a half. We have been discussing our impending marriage for over a year and we feel we are prepared (as prepared as you can be) for it. I will be a junior at a 4-year university. He is starting at a technical school in January (he is currently working as a computer tech. To earn money for school because his parents can`t help him pay for it). My father has basically said its a stupid idea, and he doesn`t approve of our getting married before we finish school. Specifically, before my fiance finishes school. He feels he should be able to support me before he marries me. I, however, don`t mind one bit having to help support us (as I`ve always intended to do) if it means we can be together sooner. How can I help my Dad understand this? I want my wedding to be a happy occassion, as I am Very much looking forward to my marriage... Obviously. :-) If anyone has dealt with this, or has some ideas about how to bring my Dad around gently, I would appreciate any help. (I should probably add, Dad doesn`t disapprove of my fiance or our engagement... Just our choice of wedding date.)
Posted by Mary; updated 10/24/05
Reply
First off, be happy that your dad at least likes your choice of a man. That helps you out alot. NOw take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I am an adult and as an adult I may have to make choices in life that my parents whont be overjoyed with." All right, that done look at the options in front of you. Where does your mom stand? Mom`s have alot of sway over dad and can be a great advisary. Next always talk to your dad in very respectful tones... "... I understand that you are woried about my safety dad, and I love how much you want to protect me, I will always respect and consider your opinion, BUT...."
It is important for you to know the exact reasons why it is better for you to get married no as opposed to waiting. Being married may give you more motivation to finish school because you will need a job. Getting married now will alow you to share the burdens and start your marriage off on equal foot... Could make the marriage stronger over time, etc... Make your list and have a private sit down with you father where you an go over your reasoning.
Go through some form of pre marital counseling, if you are religious, pastors are great. If you aren`t then find a counselor that you and your fiance can meet wih to discuss such things as finances and supporting one another etc. This will show your father how much of an adult you are and that your are willing to plan for the problems you will face.
Hope this helps.
Posted by suzanne; updated 10/25/05
