Ex Wife

Ok, my man has been hinting around about getting married for a week now, and I kind of like it, and I kind of don`t. The trouble is, his ex - wife is always around because they have a child together. She calls him at work, at our house. She asks him to give her rides to the store. They are going trick or treating together with their son; they are planning his birthday together. Should I just let go of this relationship? He seems to involved still with her..I don`t know what to do. Or is this how its supposed to be?
Posted by ej; updated 09/29/05

Reply

I think that you`re lucky that your boyfriend cares enough about his child to have a stable relationship with his ex. Just because they do things together for their sons sake doesn`t mean that they are still in love. Stop looking at it as spending time with her, and look at it as him spending time with his child. Would you prefer he didn`t do stuff with his kid? I don`t think so, it shows he values family. Ask to join him on these outings. If you love him and want to marry him, then you`re going to be a step mother and part of that child`s family.
Posted by Sarah; updated 09/29/05

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No, its not how its suppose be. Its good that he loves his child and want to do things with him, but she doesn`t have to be involved all the time. She can share special moments with him and the father needs his own special moments also. He needs to learn to let go of the past, unless its something more. He needs to also respect the woman of his future. As long as you continue to let them rekindle his flames his going to do it. Either he want his ex-wife or you. I have 2 step-children and we learn to share the good times between there children. If the child have some type of special event and you and your future huband can`t go at one then tell her to just take a picture or tape it. Pics means more than words. Don`t let up on your man for nothing in the world because if she sees any opportunity she`s going to take it.
Posted by La Tonya; updated 10/01/05

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Don`t give him an ultimatum, you don`t want to do that. Just talk to him and let him know that you are glad that he has his son in his life and be sincere because this is the mans first child. I can see planning the birthday together and doing other little things together but let him know that the rides to the store are no longer his job. She has to start being independent and allow you two to build a relationship. You also need to build one with his son. If he wants to marry you, then maybe you all need to pick holidays and spend time. Like you get him for Thanksgiving, Easter and Labor Day and she has him for Halloween, Christmas and July 4th. That way he has time to spend holidays with both families and you and your boyfriend can build a "family" environment with his son and plan for your wedding. I will tell you this, you need to all be friends and try to help each other because being a single parent is very hard and they may have parted on good terms. It is good to be that way. Maybe this is the only way that he can love his ex-wife. To be hontest, I am glad to hear things going that way for a change because he could have been a no good dead beat father and he is not. Because of his son, he cares about the mother and that is a good thing.
Posted by Marisol; updated 10/09/05