Mother-In-Law
Hi!! I needed some advice on the dreaded subject of my mother-in-law. I`m getting married in 11 months and was very excited about the wedding. However, it`s getting to be where I can`t even think about it without bursting into tears. My fiance`s mother, the first 2 months of our engagement, had a nervous breakdown everytime marriage was mentioned, saying that I couldn`t take away her baby. I thought she had a problem with our marriage, but recently I found out she has a problem with me. I really want her involved in the wedding and our marriage, for my fiance`s sake, but she said she will not go anywhere I`m at. She says she deserves to have a say in the wedding process though, but will not contribute a dime! What should I do? I don`t know whether to put her name on the invitation, try to work things out, or just let it be. This is a very hard subject, I appreciate any help. Thank you!!
Posted by Brandi; updated 08/31/02
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Whatever your decision is, make sure your husband is a part of it. You two are going to spend the rest of your lives together, with or with-out your mother-in-law. You two need to support each other now, and in the future. I would find out what his feelings are on the subject and then decide what you should do. I give you a lot of credit for doing the brave thing and wanting to work it out with her.
Posted by Sharmon; updated 09/03/02
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I had kinda the same problem with my ex mother-in-law when I got engaged to her baby...who was 30 at the time. We paid for most of our wedding and told both sets of parents what we were planning on and if there was something that they would like to have and it was not included in our plans, and if they would like to pay for it that would be fine...other then that, if they dont want to pay, they dont have a say. On my wedding day, I did not even speak one word to my ex mother-in law, I was better off and much happier.
Posted by M.C.; updated 09/07/02
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Im getting married in three months by church to my luck my mother in law came around. She is actually helping me plan everything which is good because i live out of state. But at our first wedding by justice of the peace she hated me. We didn`t even know if she was going to show up She did!!!!!! but we didnt talk but i didn`t let that bother me. When i got pregnate that was another bad story . I held my ground and was strong! Now she acts like nothing ever happend. I forgive but i dont forget. My advise dont kiss her butt you never did anything to her if she doesn`t like you tuff her lost. I think she is just being a child. You would think she would want her son to be happy. Sorry for being so blunt but i think mother in laws need to get over it.
Posted by ciel; updated 10/03/02
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Hi, I know its the worst feeling in the world knowing that you mother-in-law does not like you. Take it from me, I can honestly say that it does not get any better. My MIL, still hates me after being married for over three years - even after we had children. I can honestly say that I went out of my way for her, because of my husband and children. You carry out a guilt that is unexplainable. It doesn`t matter what you do, she will always blame you for taking away her baby. My MIL even told my husband that she can`t wait till the day he divorces me! That pretty much ended things for her, my husband stood up and told her that he was looking out for his new family and if she can`t be happy for him then its her loss! We don`t speak to her anymore. All I can say it that if you truely love him than yes its worth going through all the misery. I tried to do everything to make things better and all it did was get worse. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn`t have done anything, because it wouldn`t have mattered. Just do what makes you and your husband happy, its your wedding! Its supposed to be the best day of your life, and believe me you don`t need that added stress. Your husband needs to tell her that because she is not paying for anything then she does not have a choice in the planning, but don`t let that be you - because it could get ugly!!! If you want her to be apart of things then give her certain things to do, or to get. I honestly hope things work out for you, because this is the worst thing that can possible happen to you...but you can always look back and tell yourself that if you survived this....you can survive anything.
Posted by KL; updated 12/18/02
