Single But Not Really?

Michelle I understand how you must feel. In todays society the norm is to wed 1st and then have children 2nd. But for some of us it`s easier said then done. Things happen....and sometimes unexpectedly. The fact that you and him have a child together shouldn`t be a reason to get married. Marriage is not just all about commitment it`s built on trust, communication, respect etc. I myself had a child with my boyfriend at 18 yrs old. We were only dating for about 7 months when I became pregnant. We barely knew each other. I was thinking what will the world think. I am not married... My family will kill me!!! But we decided to have this child and be together and see where things went from there. Marriage came up every now and then but it was never a major issue until our daughter was about a year old. I felt like I was good enough to be a mother and his girlfriend but not his WIFE!!!! We spoke about marriage but he felt we weren`t ready to take that extra step because we had so many other problems with our relationship that if we had gotten married it would only tear us apart. I didn`t understand then but I understand now....Him and I have been through so much however we stuck it out and never let go despite our differences and problems. We successfully raised a beautiful baby girl together and grew to understand and work on our differences and believe me it wasn`t easy...We had our share of ups and downs but the one thing that kept us going was the love we had for each other and of course for our daughter. We`ve grown to understand eachother and love eachother more then ever and it feels great!! I am happy to say that on July 12, 2001 he proposed to me!!!!! We plan to get married July 14th 2003 in the Bahamas. That`s our anniversary date(when we first met). Although, it took 11yrs and I know to some people this would seem crazy but I believe it was the best thing that has happened. Had we gotten married just because a child was born it would`nt have worked out. Him and I have outlasted many friends and family members that have gotten married just because....and I believe marriage is more then just that.
In todays society Marriage is just a big miconception getting married is not just about committment it`s about Trust, Communication, Respect, loyalty etc. (the things that are lacking in some marriages today.)
Michelle I wish you guys the best of luck!!! I hope everything works out for you.

Hi Michelle,

I realize this is hard, I went through the same problem (just a little backwards). I was 15 when my ex and I got together. 9 months into the relationship I found out I was pregnant, I had the baby when I was 16. Two years later I was pregnant again, he wanted to get married but I didn`t feel ready. When my son was 4 and my daughter was 2 we had split up. I think he was trying to force me into something I didn`t want to do. At the time I didn`t feel ready and he had everything planed right down to the date and everything. Now 2 1/2 years later I am 23 and with someone else. I am now ready to get married (to this someone else). I know it`s hard but if you push him you may loose him. Hope this helps!

Michelle:

I understand where you are coming from "TOTALLY".

I was with a guy since I was 18. I became pregnant at the age of 21. He and I had differences. Both from differrent backgrounds and all. Always fussing and fighting. We got married because of the baby and my mom was pressureing us too. Especially since I was single and I guess to a degree she was shocked and probably not wanting to face it.

She loved him too. But, we still had problems. He really wasn`t ready to settle down. THen about 2 1/2 yrs. Later, we had a 2nd baby. He would throw in my face divorce. He didn`t love me, etc. Etc.

I then got tired of the drinking and partying he did, His friends came first and then me and the kids 2nd. He acted like a kid. Every weekend with his buddies while I was a stay-at-home mom 24 hours 7 days a week.

I wouldn`t take anything back from it. But, I wound up running into an old high school flame that was my first boyfriend my freshman year. He and I realized that we stilll had lots of feelings for one another. He was going through a divorce and he too had kids.

After trying to seek marriage counseling or get him to start a church and raise our kids right, He absolutely refused. That told me there he didn`t care about his family life.

So, I filed for a divorce and moved to another state. I reconciled with my ex-boyfriend and now we are living together. He and I are planning on getting married in 2004 where everything from the past, (bills) will be over and we can start really fresh.

So see, good does come out of things. But, basically what I am saying is this " Don`t pressure him into anything" You may loose him. I was pressured as you see above and it landed me into DIVORCE. I was with him a total of 7 yrs.