Help!! The Only Gifts That We Need Is Cash

Please only give money and gime money only as presentes will be thrown straight in the bin

I totally hear ya!! My fiance and i have everything we need...plus he is gonna be immigrating to Canada.. That`s really costly....so what we are doing is just strongly hinting to close family that we only want cash...and hope they pass the word around. Besides...anyone coming to the wedding (about 40 ppl) already know our situation well.
Also, we are having a "wishing well" it`s a thing where ppl can feel free to drop donations of cash in there...
Good luck....i wish u the best! -----`---,--{@

I am getting married next month and had the same problem. What I did was send out little cards with the invitations.
On the cards was a wishing well poem,
" Our home is quite complete now
We have been together long
So please consider our request
And do not take us wrong.
A delicate request it is
We hope you understand
Please play along as it will give
Our married life a hand.

The tradition of the wishing well
Is one thats known by all
Go to the well drop in a coin
And as the coin does fall
Make a wish upon the coin
And careful as you do
`Cause as the well`s tradition goes
Your wishes will come true.

So on this special day of ours
The one that we`ll be wed
Don`t hunt around for gifts and such
But bring money in it`s stead
And as you drop the envelope
With money great and small
Remember, make a wish
As you watch your money fall."

We have already received many positive comments about the poem and it said exactly how we felt.

Hope this helps! Good Luck.

I know what you are talking about as well. I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 years. We are getting married in 4 weeks. We have everything. But to be honest I find it very rude when people ask for money in there innovation. I have not went to a few wedding because of that. I think the only thing you can do is spread the word by mouth and if some people do give you gifts be happy with it. Now if you really need money try having a money dance at your reception. I have been to a few wedding that have done this. This is were the bride and groom are on the dance floor and guests pin a dollar or whatever on you to dance. My brother made over $600.00 doing this and it`s only 1 song. If you don`t want to have things pinned to you have your maid of honor & best man collect the money as people come up to dance. This is just an idea but hope it helps.

Well said, Nina Kallu!!! I feel this way, too! How tacky, rude & low to ask for money, no matter HOW it is stated. It is all the same,
Whether you sound greedy or try to sugar-coat it-RUDE & GREEDY!
My fiancee & I both have homes & I really don`t need anything, but, I refuse to ask for money OR put those disgusting registry
Cards in the invitations. We will more than likely need SOMEthing by September, 2004. Whatever we receive, whether it be
Money or gifts, we will appreciate them all.
You just cannot ask for money, unless someoe asks what you want or need. Then, that is ok. Just don`t put it in writing-of ANY
Kind!

Really well said Jeremysgirl... I think that it pathetic to say the least. It is sending a message to your guests that the only reason why you want them to come and "SHARE YOUR DAY" is so that they can "SHARE THE WEALTH"... If someone asks, fine... But otherwise leave it alone.

I think that if you get gifts, you can return them if you need cash. I find it to be completely rude to request it. DOn`t include any registraries in your invite and see what happens. Return anything you don`t want and get cash or at least credit.

I don`t think it is rude to inform people that you would prefer cash as a wedding present. How much money is being spent on the wedding? How much are you or your parents paying to have these people come to the wedding and have a nice dinner and a night of dancing and socializing and family and friends??? Is it really that bad to actually save them the headache of having to hem and haw over what the heck to go buy you at the store? I am getting married on October 5th as well (congrats by the way) and I put on our wedding invites very tiny print in the bottom corner "Monetary gifts appreciated". Simple. To the point. That`s it! Personally, yes most people do give money but I prefer to know if someone wants money or a gift. A lot of people find money an impersonal gift and would stress out over finding the perfect thing and I`m actually doing them a favor by telling them that hey sending money is actually very ok. We can go on a fabulous honeymoon this way! What`s so tacky about that! What better gift could all of our guests provide then to know they all chipped in to send us away to some tropical paradise or something like that? Lighten up people! It`s 2002!!!!!!

I am totally horrified by the poem soliciting money, how super tacky! If you already have everything you need for your house, then write "no presents please" or ask people to donate to a cause you support. Let`s not be greedy, dears, not everyone can afford to have a house full of stuff.

I am in the same boat. Maybe you can state in some way that u are have a money tree or a wishing well. That should give them the hint. Or have friends and relatives pass the word around. Maybe these things can be stated at the bridal shower.

I cant believe how anal u all r about the wishing well issue. I think it is a great idea. My fiance & i r moving to another state soon after getting married, & cant transport any presents we may get. Also, we r flat broke & can hardly even afford a simple wedding (no reception). I know that my family & my fiance`s family know how desperately low on cash we r, but we keep it as a well-hidden secret from our friends. We dont want them to know, so we will be having a wishing well. Tho i still havent found a suitable poem, i will probably write one myself.

As for RETURNING presents, i think that is ruder than asking for money! i dont know about where u live, but where i am u need a receipt to return anything, anyway - so it`s not possible!

If you need monetary gifts for your wedding, then it probably means you are spending beyond your budget. Try cutting your expenses and have a smaller wedding. That way, you don`t have to ask for money, and the people attending will already know that you need the money because they will be your closest friends and family. Your guests must be treated with respect and it is disrespectful to print out anything that suggests that you are asking for money- you are supposed to be a bride not a beggar. It is important to appreciate the fact that the guests are there to attend your wedding and to share in your happiness and wish you well. Allow them the freedom to choose what they would like to give; that`s part of the fun!
Hope that helps.
Kali

Hi. Just my 2 cents worth, i dont think its takky at all. I actually have come to a stage where if i dont see the gift registary card in the invite, i get all stressed. Its a relief. Because lets face it, whether is rude to expect gifts, its nature.

People will shower you with gifts. AND ITS EXPECTED. From Ealry ancien days, the bride and groom where showered with gifts.

So.. Now.. Its expected. And to help your guest, letting them know u have a registry, is not the end of the world. After all, its a SUGGESTION list!

I had a gift registry, i got exactly half gifts of that list and half in cash

Anyways.. Poems? try these from verseit.com

*****
Your presence at our wedding is present enough!
But if we`re honored with a gift from you,
May we respectfully request a gift of money
To help the dream of our new home come true!
*****
We`re dreaming of a honeymoon
And we hope our dreams come true...
If you helped us fund our trip
We`d be so grateful to you!
*****
We didn`t register
We don`t need more stuff
But when it comes to financial help
You can never have enough!
*****
Next to your presence at our wedding,
A donation made to the charity of your choice
In honor of our marriage would be
The most meaningful gift you could give us!
Thank you.
*****
We have our hearts set on a trip to Hawaii,
We`re saving every nickel and dime.
So if you aren`t sure what to get for a wedding present
A gift of cash would be just divine
*****

When you invite a guest to your wedding you are requesting their presence, not their present. To specify that only cash is requested is rude. I gaurentee that they may not tell you to your face but it will be talked about behind your back that this is a bit beyond tacky. The best you can do is spread the word to close family (Mom, Dad, sis, bro etc.) and hope for the best.

I do agree that money is probably the most needed gift, but it is beyond the line to state that in an invite.

Good luck
Megan

I want to wish everyone that is getting married FOREVER HAPPINESS. I do not think it is being greedy. People want to see you happy and watch you on that special day. Your families all know how much it costs to get married, even if you don`t have a large wedding. My Fiance and I have to fly his son here 4 times this year from California to Wisconsin so he can be here for our wedding and so we can see him. Best wishes all of you.

Shannon:

"How much money is being spent on the wedding? How much are you or your parents paying to have these people come to the wedding and have a nice dinner and a night of dancing and socializing and family and friends???"

Perhaps you are missing the point of why a couple should have a wedding. It`s about sharing your love and happiness with the friends and family who are a part of your life. If this isn`t important to you, why are you bothering with the wedding? Why not elope? Is it because no one would help you to pay for it?

You are INVITING GUESTS to share your day. Invited guests should not be expected to pay for the privilege of being in your presence. They`re certainly not coming to help you pay for the event itself. Why not save you the money and stay home? If I got your invite, I would certainly try to save you money that way.


However, if you do feel the need to have your invited guests pay their way, why not put another line in your invitation?

"Admission: $200" Put it in big red letters so that no one misses it!

I totally understand what you`re sayind but try registering for items you`d like to have but don`t have or try asking for gift Cards as you can use these for different items. & they`re available everywhere.
Hope this helps
Tami
Tksavon@Yahoo.com

Not to be rude but its good enough to have people show up at your wedding. I say be happy if you get anything at all and if you do be grateful for whatever you get. Returning the gift someone gifts you to grace your home is just plain rude. Only return it if you recieve two of the same thing.

I don`t think it is tacky at all to ask for money, it`s realistic. You are going to get presents for your wedding, anyone who doesn`t give a least a small present is considered rude. So you might as well be honest and ask for what you really want. I think simply stating monetary gift appreciated on the invite is quite reasonable and the majority of guests really appreciate being told what you would like. I know all the guests at our upcoming wedding would rather put in for our dream of a new house than filling our existing house with stuff we may never use.
Of course, if the guest would prefer to give a `traditional` gift, we would appreciate it just as much but what`s wrong with being honest to your family and friends??

Tacky, tacky, tacky!! You are having a very small wedding...everyone invited should know you well enough to know your situation. If they choose to buy a gift, accept it and be grateful....asking for cash, no matter how "CUTESY" the poem or wording, is just plain ignorant.

The "non-tacky" poems for cash grubbing strike me to be about as classy as Precious Moments wedding invitations. Or, maybe as classy as gussying up your trailer with white toilet paper roses before the ceremony.
Really people, this is a party, not a fundraiser.

Tacky is exactly correct.

I`m not having my wedding just so we can get lots of stuff and lots of money. Hello! This is supposed to be about the love of two people, and sharing your happiness with those you care about the most. Invited guests, remember?

I`ve lived on my own for years now, I`ve lived with my fiancé for about six months, and we don`t particularly don`t care what people bring or how much cash they give us. We`re not inviting them with the idea of getting more loot, we`re invitiing them because we love them and want them to share our special day.

Perhaps some of you should remember why you`re having a wedding! Is it about getting stuff, or is it about sharing your day with family and friends?

Honestly, I`m so glad some of you people are not related to me!

Natalya, I`m so glad you asked this question. I found this site because my fiance and I have the same situation. However, the responses below quickly became a war of words. Hey, people, let`s put in SUGGESTIONS and not lectures. Just like styles and colors in a wedding, every couple is just doing what seems fit to them.

My questions is WHERE would these words be printed, wether a small line at the bottom of the invitation, or on the RSVP card, or on a separate piece of paper? Especially when you don`t have a whole poem to send?

The fact is that people who come to your wedding WILL bring a gift. The whole idea of registry is so that they don`t have to wreck their brains and you won`t get all toasters. So for those of us who don`t want/need registry, I feel that it`s perfectly fair to POLITELY tell them what we really want--cash or donation to a foundation in your name.

A donation in your name is a great idea, and perfectly acceptable in my book.

I don`t mean to lecture or anything, but I have to side with the majority here on the other point - asking for cash for yourself and your partner just isn`t very polite. As Janine mentioned, these are your invited guests. While they will probably bring a gift, it`s not really very nice to make demands.

Wedding gift registries are different - they`re handy things, to give people a reference if they want to be sure to get you something you like. But their use is of course optional - no one has to buy you anything that`s on your registry, although we all hope they will use the registry and not send 14 toasters!

At least when I go to a wedding, I want to give something that will make the couple think of me when they use it. I think that cash is seen as being somewhat impersonal.

Again, not lecturing. Just my two cents!

K

I live in the midwest. When we register, people usually use it for your shower gifts. It is totally acceptable to put where you are registered on the invitations for the showers. NEVER should you ask for money in a Wedding Invitation. I AGREE it is totally tacky.I`m sorry I don`t care how much you are spending on the wedding, if you can`t afford it don`t have it! Your GUESTS are exactly that and should not be expected to pay for it! Now I will tell you that probably close to 100% of guests here will give an envelope and money for the wedding, but it should be there choice.

The poem thing is awful! Asking for money is awful! Just be appreciative that your guests wish you well and don`t expect anything from them. Any way you choose to say it, asking for money is tacky.

I think it is absolutely inappropriate to ask for money in lieu of gifts on your invitations. I don`t care how you word it. It`s just flat out unethical. I am getting married in two months and would be very grateful if I got money for gifts, because it is what my fiance and I could use the most of also. But, I would never ask for it or even hint for it. I think if anybody reading this message is planning to do this, it will most likely backfire. Ninety-nine out of one hundred people will probably be horrified at your request and make it a point to go out and get you a really useless, cheap gift. That`s what I would do. I think you should SERIOUSLY reconsider.

There is not much difference between the married couple begging their friends & relatives for cash, and the homeless person on the street begging for money. There is only a thin line there. Don`t humiliate yourself by begging for money you beggar!!!

I think asking for money is a bad idea too. I have lived with my fiance for six years and of course we have everything we need. Who wouldn`t want money for a gift, but to ask for it is rude. I wouldn`t give money if it said that in an invitation. I wouldn`t even attend the wedding. What we did is put cards in the invitations that said no gifts please, if you want to do something nice for us please make a donation to hospice in our name. Just you being there to celebrate is all we need.

It`s tacky to request money, no matter how well worded. Period.

I am getting married in Nov I dont feel it is wrong to ask for money as long as u do it right. We have been living with each other for about five years. We are paying for everything oursleves. I am also having a baby in sept and I have everything that I need in my home.

If you can`t afford to pay for a wedding, dont have one. Have a simple ceremony and go out to dinner with your immediate family afterwards. Getting married is not a money making affair. Having a home already is not an excuse to ask for monetary gifts. There is no nice way of saying it. The majority of the above posts are not in favor asking for money, therefore you can assume the majority of your guests will no be happy with your request. Most people these days give money anyways, so you don`t even have to ask for it. You will only offend people. For the ones that want to bring gifts - register for some. There has got to be some nice things out there that you don`t already have and wouldn`t mind getting, or a few new things to replace the old. Bottom line - it is not a proper thing to do. Emily Post would be horrified!

Well said.

Good lord, what a lot of name-calling!
I had no idea people were so judgemental on these sites until today.
Here`s an idea: My Fiance and I have been together for a while and don`t need anything either. We`re also out of the mainstream and will be having a pretty unusual wedding. We`ll be creating our own web-site and rather than registering for gifts, we`ll be registering for a honeymoon. (Our site will allow our guests to contribute however much they are comfortable with, online, to the total of our trip to New Zealand, along with a spot to add a message) Travel is what we love and that experience is what we would most like to get as a gift. There are plenty of web-sites out there where you can register for a travel package and your invitation would include a discreet note about your gift-registry being at such and such a site.
Obviously there are ways to be subtle and one should never expect anything from a guest, but by the same token I think that people are often lost as to what to get a couple and appreciate the kind of guidance you get from a registry list.
Everyone is different, with different tastes. In addition, wedding styles and ettiquette are changing all the time. I would just try to make it a suggestion, rather than a flat statement. Your wedding is small and I`m sure all the people who know you and are close will understand that you don`t fit the usual image of newly wed couples. Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Oh geez.. Now I`ve heard it all. Soliciting funds to pay for your vacation. Sigh... Some people get it and some people never will. Good luck to all.

Okay girls;
I`d like to ask you to step outside of the wedding mania for a second, put aside your rule books and really think about it.
What is the difference between asking for specific gifts (as in a registry list) and asking for something that doesn`t fit that model? in many places outside of America, it is considered tacky to register for gifts at all. It`s all about your perspective.
I prefer not to make judgement calls about other people`s decsions. It makes no difference to my life what your wedding looks like, or how you conduct yourself. Whether someone includes a poem I wouldn`t use or not, doesn`t affect my world, or the world at large.
I will not be coming back to this site. I can`t believe how snippy and meanspirited some of the women on this page are being about such an insignificant blip in the world. A wedding SHOULD be about one`s own personal style, no matter what that is. If you want to gussy up the trailer (as someone said) and that makes you happy more power to you. If anything I am disappointed that so many women are happy to be pulled along by the rules that the wedding industry imposes for the most part to make you fit their cookie cutter products. Snobbery kills creativity.
I wish you all happiness and wonderful weddings, no matter what shape they might take. Adios.

Susanna dear, the wedding industry that you blasted for making you fit "their cookie cutter products" is the same industry that suddenly decided it`s okay to collect funds from your wedding guests to go on a honeymoon that your budget won`t allow. Of course they say it`s okay, they sell more trips (and more expensive trips!) if they convince you it`s okay.

The wedding registry was meant so that guests could see the brides china and silver pattern and so guests could have a guide as to the style and color tastes of the happy couple. It was not meant as a lengthy wish list from all your favorite stores. Of course now the wedding industry has brides thinking that we should all go nuts on our registry lists and even include them in our invitations! Good God!!!!

Screw the wedding industry. We should all just use common sense. Common sense dictates that we don`t put gift lists in our invitations and we don`t set up websites to beg friends and family to buy us a vacation. We do a simple registry of traditional wedding gifts and household necessities and we tell people where we are registered ONLY if they ask!

The whole darn thing has really gotten out of hand.

I got this Money Gift Box and in the wedding invites I inserted a reception card listing my wedding website. The website has a ton of fun stuff, like who`s in the wedding, with short biographies, pictures, places to go for traveleres etc. In the Reception area I have info on the location etc, but I also put a short note stating that we prefer monetary gift since we have a home fully furnished waiting for me to move in. I think it is tacky to put it anywhere else, but this website idea is pretty good, everyone`s hitting it telling me they are bringing cash!!!

I am getting married next month and could use money for the same reasons everyone else could use it - we already have a home, we have everything we "need"...
However, I wouldn`t ask for money because weddings are not about making money. I don`t care how, where, why, or when you worded it. It is sending a message to your guests that they are there to fatten up your wallets, and if they are the type who would ratther go out and choose something personal just for you and your husband - well don`t bother, because it wouldn`t be wanted or appreciated anyway. They have to wonder if they walk into your reception with a gift, are you going to be dissapointed in them? These people are supposed to be invited to your wedding because you care enough about them to want them there as a witness to one of the most special and meaningful days of your life. All of this get`s lost when you start asking your quests for money. Come on people, smarten up! Your either lying to yourselves or your guests are lying to you if you think they are all standing around commenting on how "clever" they think you are. Why is it so hard for you to see how innapropriate this is? Your going to really offend a large majority of your guests - trust me! The posting on this website should make that very clear to you.

Personally I am always happy to find out what someone wants before I spend money on a gift, if they say they`d rather have cash, I just say "Good choice, now I don`t have to shop!" and I write a big check. I would rather know they like what I got them than waste money on something they didn`t need.

So would I. If I ASK and I`m told they would prefer money, then that`s fine. But for a bride to tell everyone "monetary gifts only" or to initiate any kind of talk about dictating what type of gifts are acceptable to her is completely different and just wrong.

Susanna`s husband doesn`t want to pay for the honeymoon?

Gees, how can you say that people are "begging". The fact is that most guests usually give a gift regardless, so now most couples getting married submit a SUGGESTED (not COMPULSORY) registry list or money tree envelope, simply for the use of those guests whom would like to give. In my opinion, it is not begging.

Guests are not expected to supply gifts or money. On the other hand though, I would feel absolutely rude if I didn`t provide a gift of some kind at a wedding, as I would realise how much money had been spent on the reception alone, let alone the whole shibang.

Lets face it, you would spend more going to dinner and a theatre production than you would probably spend on a gift for a wedding, whereas the wedding could cost much more.

The only reason we are having a reception and ceremony is for our friends and relatives to join in the celebrations, otherwise we would be eloping, meaning the difference of thousands of dollars in most cases.

There are probably many thousands of readers out there that couldn`t be bothered submitting a response, simply because it has turned into something more of a cat fight, than a forum.

Can we all just calm down & stop being so nasty. I am sure many others would appreciate this.... D:-)

Yay Shell!

Every body has a different opinion. So this is news? You can waste time and energy trying to make everyone else think you are right or you can save it for another endeavor, like planning a wedding.

Hi Jewel

Yes, I of course everyone has their own opinion, we are not daft. But there is a difference between expressing an opinion (which I did), and just being completely bitchy and tactless, as you have seen some of the responses to be.

Exactly, I am trying to plan a wedding, and am seeking ideas from this forum, however when there are so many narky and absolutely rude responses, it makes it harder for us to find what we are looking for, it is not high school.

"Submit a money tree envelope" - your joking, right? I have never heard of such a thing. I`m not even going to get into how I feel about this subject, because I have already submitted my lengthy opinion on it. I was not even planning on posting to this site again, but I just couldn`t resist. I have to say, I think I`ve heard it all now. Money tree enevelopes....sigh....
As one poster said, "some people will just never get it".

We have a decorated whshing well, I have an insert in the invite saying: For your convenience a wishing well has been provided, these words in a nice font along with with a a small pix of the wishing well. Nicely done. NO complaints yet

That seems tacky to me. Couldn`t you just have the wishing well there for the people who surely were going to give you cash anyway without mentioning the fact. I agree with someone else. I always give cash gifts at the wedding (as I`ve already purchase off the registry for the shower) but if the invitation had even a hint about monatary gifts I wouldn`t give it. Etiqutte may be considered old fashion, but I prefer it!

None of your guests will complain to you, dear.. They`ll just gasp quietly and wonder if you were raised in a barn. Never, ever, ever put anything about gifts in the invitation itself. Now if you just took that as an insult, then you`ll know exactly how your guests will feel when they read in your invitation that you`d be honored to have them share in your wedding and you`ll provide a money box for their convenience. Oy! I`m a mother of four daughters. I`ve already given three weddings and now we will be giving our fourth daughter a wedding this October. So I speak from experience.

Shell: I would prefer to go to a nice dinner, or a theater production, than go to a wedding and watch two people dress up and march down an aisle. How boring! Why on earth should I shell out fifty bucks for that?

*** In response to the original post: "What kind of wording should i use on the invitations. I don`t want to be rude."

I have done a bit of searching on the internet for ideas, and have found some examples of money trees/wishing wells/treasure chests/holiday funds/home deposit/charity donation/money dance. Here are 6 sites with examples:

1) http://i-do.com.au/network/ShowArticle.asp?article=668&topic=166&host=9
2) http://www.verseit.com/VerseIt_Verses.cfm?SR=1
3) http://www.ultimatewedding.com/ - prose & poetry
( http://www.weddingromance.com/poems/ )
4) http://www.foreverwed2.com/music/money.htm
5) http://www.weddingzone.com.au/discuss_tocf.htm
6) http://www.allaboutshowers.com/board/postlist.php?Cat=&Board=bridal


*** Our friends recently used this poem:

We hope that you will come along
On this our special day
To celebrate our union
In a very special way.

To make it easy for you
And avoid a shopping spree
We thought that we would have instead
A little money tree.

So please don`t be offended
At our new type of request
Just bless our little money tree
And be our special guest.


*** After not being able to find a suitable poem, we are going to write our own. A draft, written by my fiance, is as follows:

We thank you for joining us
On this special day,
Please don`t take offence
To our different way.

As our home is established,
No gift would be best,
Although you may wish to
Bless our little money chest.

The smallest amount would help us on our way
To our honeymoon Queensland holiday,
But on this day what is really true,
Is the company of friends and family like you.


*** We were trying to get the point across that presents are definitely not expected, however if guests wish to, then an alternative would be to make a small donation towards our honeymoon. Being as though close friends and family are invited, they know what we are like as people. They know we do not expect gifts nor money, and that we don`t mean for anyone to be offended. If anyone was, then they wouldn`t be such a close friend or relative in the first place, and so would probably not have even been invited.

Good luck to everyone, hope you find what you are looking for. :-)

I really only want money for my wedding gifts also. I thought I would include this in my invitations. I don`t want to be rude.

For all those coming to my wedding
Don`t even think about bringing china, silver, or bedding
Your wallets and purses will do just fine
Leave them out, I`ll just go around and take what`s mine
For those of you who ignore my request
Don`t expect me to have you again as my guest
After all it is your money that means the most to me
What? Did you think I wanted you there for your company?

Dianna & Layla don`t have lives
And who would want either as their wives.
They have nothing better to do
Than bitch & nag,
They`re probably wrinkled up
Old hags.
Find something useful
To do with your time
And stop wasting everyone else`s,
And mine.

You`re not the only poet, dumb ass. :+)

Shell, I think if you have to tell people in your poem not to be offended, then that is a red flag right there. If there`s nothing wrong with it, then there shouldn`t be any need to inform your guests not to take offense.

This has got to be the most hotly debated issue on the board! Here are my two cents:
The common consensus here seems to be that it is considered tacky to ask for money. It makes sense, since the point of the wedding gifts are to get the couple started out. I can see the "money only" people`s point though: We, too, have a house and most of the typical cooking and gardening items in place --we`ve been very fortunate. We`ve also been living out of our parents` houses for a long time, which I imagine is much more common than it was 30 or 40 years ago. What we do need, however, is furniture, which is difficult to register for and out of the budgets of most of our guests. My suggestions to the bride and groom who have everything, then, are:
1. Be thankful for what you have.
2. Register for gifts, but not a lot. If you don`t need a lot of stuff, don`t register for the tortilla warmer and pastry brush just because you need to add to your list. If you don`t list as many gifts as there are guests, many will certainly give you cash (a lot do anyway). Then if you`re really strapped for cash, use the gift receipts to return your less-needed gifts. This way, you don`t come off as tacky, you`ll get some cash, and everyone`s happy. Don`t forget the reason for this wedding though: to celebrate your love with family and friends. The gifts are just a detail. Finally, some words of wisdom from the Rolling Stones: "You can`t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you`ll find you get what you need."

I like Dianna`s poem.

Asking for any kind of gift at all is considered rude. Supposedly, their presence on your special day should be gift enough. However, everyone knows that they are not to show up empty handed and will be giving you some kind of present, most likely.

The bummer is that even though by registering for gifts you are making the shopping easier on your guests, you can`t even include in your invitation information on where you are registered because that seems too suggestive of "BUY ME SOMETHING!!!" The correct thing to do is to tell you immediate family and bridal party where you are registered and have them put the word out so that if someone asks them where you are registered they can relay that information. Put your maid of honor or best man`s phone number somewhere in your invitation as a contact number for any questions guests may have. Then when that person gets called and asked where you are registered, they are able to tell them. On that note, let that designated contact person know that you would like him/her to suggest to the guest that you are in a financial bind, and "their" opinion is that money would help you out now more than anything. Hopefully that will get the point across and will not be rude by any means. But there will always be a handful of people who just don`t like to give money as a gift. So go to a local store and register for a few things to cover those people, so you don`t end up with home-made disasterous gift!!!

Good luck!!!

Here`s another idea I just thought of......have a dollar dance at the wedding. I personally don`t care for them, myself, but I know that they are popular at weddings, and therefore don`t seem to fall into the bad etiquette category. The DJ announces that its time for the dollar dance and then you and the groom split up and anyone at the reception gets a chance to dance with you while the DJ plays however many songs it takes for you to dance with everyone (just give each person about 30 seconds to one minute of dancing before you go on to the next person). Have someone in your bridal party stand nearby both you and the groom, and each person pays a dollar (or more if they are generous) to get to dance with the bride or groom. Its a good way to get to visit with everyone (and more fun than a receiving line) and you can end up walking away with presents AND some cash in your pocket.

Thanks to all who replied to my question about the Pot Luck Reception. We have decided to go with a smaller, less expensive wedding ceremony and have a nice pasta dish as the main course for the reception. There are many elegant pasta dishes that are relatively inexpensive, especially when you are serving a crowd.
Natalia,
May all your hopes for happiness come true! Here`s my 2 cents worth on asking guests for money.
Like the Potluck reception, it`s just not the best call.
However, when friends and family ask where your registered, tell them the truth. Tell them that you didn`t register because you are combining two households and have all the basic items you need. Then you could mention that a Wishing well or Money Tree will be provided for those guests wishing to give a monetary gift. I like the idea of the "Money Dance" Many weddings I have attended have included this and it`s a lot of fun!
It`s usually announced by the DJ or Best Man or Maid of Honor. Whatever you decide, make it fun and have a wonderful life with your new husband!
Lisa Renee

My family has just received an invitation in the mail for a coin shower and found out today we will be invited to another one. I am against anyone coming right out and asking for money. My husband and I never gave anything but money in the past but now I think I will start buying gifts again. I read Dianas poem and taught it was good. I will be giving this web site to one of the brides to be. We always give money because we know it is one thing a couple needs most. Not because they feel they have everything but because there may be a big item thay they are saving for. If the money is used for a honeymoon, furniture etc. I dont care. I am just glad we would be helping them purchase something they need. My youngest daughter will be getting married next spring and she was planning on having a wishing well, not to ask people for money, but for those who brought cards. She will be having a large wedding and taught it would be a place for all cards to be located. That idea will now be scraped if people feel it is to donate money. Never spend beyond your means. Just be glad when the people come to your wedding. Not to donate but to be with you on what should be one of the happiest days of your life. (Most people know what a couple would appreciate most is money and I am one person who finds asking for money is tacky even if we are in the 2000`s)

Don`t scrap the card box over this post. It serves a usefull purpose, those cards could be lost or stolen if it`s not there.

As for the asking vs not asking for money question everyone is a little to worried about it. Register for a few things and skip the money poem. You aren`t going to make a fortune off thirty wedding guests and having a few things that you can pass down to your children is not going to kill you. Why make such a fuss?

Sandy,
It`s perfectly fine to have a wishing well at the reception. After all, many people will bring cards and need a place to put them. I just wouldn`t put anything in the invitations that refer to it, such as a poem.

I also don`t think it`s tacky at all to prefer monetary gifts. It could also be a cultural thing. For example, monetary gifts are preferred in most of the Asian weddings I`ve attended. The whole gift registry thing has only become the norm over the last 20 years basically to keep people from buying the same gift over and over. However, I remember my parents thinking how tacky they thought gift registries were. When you think about it, the whole wedding industry has got a stake in pushing forth the whole gift registry notion.

We did the gift registry for those who were more comfortable with that, but for those who asked, we let them know that monetary contributions were appreciated since we really didn`t need any more items around the house and let them get the word around. We wound up getting a pretty good balance between presents and money.

Have you considered registering for your honeymoon?
Thehoneymoon.com was featured on ABC, is no cost to the couple and they send you a check 5 days before the wedding.

My fiancee and i will have been living together for 4 1/2 years when we get married. We have all we need for our home, but i would never dream of putting on my invitations that money only is to be accepted. It is rude, no matter how much you cutesy it up with tacky poems. We are registering at a store for a few things that we feel would be nice to have. If people ask, we will tell them where we are registered. If the registery is small, people will get the subtle hint. We are also letting our families know that if people want to provide a gift that cash would be appreciated as well. That way they can answer if others ask them as well. We are having a Card box at the wedding, although no one but us will know about this until they show up for the reception. That way, if they decided to bring cash they have a safe place to put the card. I figure that hey, if someone gives us a new frying pan or dishclothes, great, i`ll donate the old ones to charity, there are certainly lots of people that would appreciate the generosity. That way, their gift benefits us and others as well.
It is fine to let people know your gift preference (as in a registry or, if it be, cash). BUT ONLY BY WORD OF MOUTH!!! An invitation is there simply to extend YOUR hospitality to your guests, not the other way around. Although we are providing info (registry) for our guests, we do so ONLY for their conveiniance. I feel that their presence at our wedding is present enough. If they choose to provide us with a gift, monetary or not, it will be graciously accepted and appreciated.

Oh!

I do NOT think it is rude to ask for money instead of gifts.. EXspecially if you have lived with your Sweetheart for years before this BIG day..

I myself have lived with my fiance for 5 years *6 before our wedding* We really do NOT need any gifts.. We have 3 children already... SO What gift could we possible ask for that we do NOT already have? We are paying for this wedding instead of the Traditional *mother of the Bride* Thing... SO we could use the money after it is all said and done.. Its not cheap paying for a wedding.. When you dont have any help in doing so, money is a great gift..

I think I may use that Poem too!! just add it in with my invitations..

Holly

My fiance and I will have lived together for 5 years by the time we get married. We have an overstocked house because I inherited a lot of things when my mom sold the house we grew up in and when I was single I upgraded the pots and pans, coffee maker, silverware, etc. We have pushed the date back and are saving money to pay for the wedding even though we know it`s a little out of our budget but we`re doing this once and it`s what we both want. We have a guest list of 100 people which allows for my very small family, his small family, our close friends, our parents friends and even a few of my sister`s friends. We plan on spending our honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta. We are paying for all of this ourselves and if a parent happens to chip something in then great.

We will register for a few things such as new everyday dishes, matching towels (what a novel concept!), some new bed linens and a good quality knife block. We will pass down the old stuff to my sister or donate it. Of course our dream is to purchase a house. The smaller registry will leave room for checks from guests if they so desire.

We absolutely will not be putting registry information in our invitations or telling anyone that we prefer money. If you don`t bring a gift, WHO CARES? We just want you there! We want you at our wedding to be with us. We want to wine and dine you and be gracious hosts at the same time we are guests of honor. Please dance the night away with us (but only because you want to and don`t try to pay us for it) and we hope this will be the most fun you`ve ever had at a wedding. Wish us well and tell us how much you love us because we love you too and we are so happy to have you a part of our day, as you have been a part of our lives both separate and together. Thank you so much for coming. It really means a lot to us.

THIS is what a wedding is about.

OK, so you can`t afford to have a wedding.

As a way to fix that, it`s considered OK to ask your guests to fund it?

Why not skip the big wedding and elope? It seems sort of silly to throw a party if the purpose of the party is to fund itself!

Janine

BECAUSE those of us who DO NOT have a LOT of Money for BIG wonderful weddings SHOULD not be Deprived.. You can have a Beautiful wedding with very little money.. NO ONE said it has to be REALLY expensive or anything...

Back in the day *TRADITION* Parents of the Brides paid for the wedding... Well not all of us have that chance... YET! I still want a great wedding.. So what if its not catered by a caterer,, So what if the music is played off of a CD instead of a DJ being there.. SO what if I have to make my own table clothes...

PERSONALLY! A wedding should be just that... Should be something YOU put together yourself.. SHOW your personality.. IF the wedding is FOR you and your Fiance, then MAKE things from your heart rather then going out buying every thing.. I do NOT mind at all if I make something or if Put together something that is NOT 2,000 dollars.. THe thought is I did what I could to have family and friends rejoice in my Ceremony.. The fact that I am able to share the wedding regarldess of HOW much money I put into is the point.. No need to spend a lot of money at all!

Ok Im off my soap box.. JUST want you all to realize that NO !!! IF you cant afford a BIG wedding DO NOT elope if it is NOT what you really really want.. If you want a BIG Wedding yet think you cant afford it.... THEN Do a lot of the stuff yourself.. STUFF you do yourself will just have more meaning to your BIG deal.. Its more your style and more your personality!

Holly

I think you missed the point of what the person actually said. She really wasn`t saying if you can`t afford a big wedding you should elope. What she was really saying was if you can`t afford a big wedding but want to have it anyway and hit your guests up to fund it, THEN you should just elope.