PICTURES WITH EX-WIFE

Sally, I understand your feelings. I was in a horrific, abusive marriage for 13 years. He left (not voluntarily)
And my kids did not see him for 17 years. When my 2nd son was getting ( they talked by phone a little by this time)married, he was so confused as to whether or not to invite him. He was concerned about me. Well I insisted he invite him. Probably for 2 reasons: (1) maybe to show him we didn`t need him (2) to show him I was a BIGGER person than he could ever hope to be. When he called and talked to my son, I got on the phone and told him he better show up, you`ve never done anything for your kids, you better do this.
Then knowing it would be a problem seating, i put him at my husbands and my table, and yes there were pictures. I knew this was my sons wedding, and I wanted it to be the best that it could be, and the best that I could make it. Hope that helps, just remember:
It`s THEIR day. Goodluck and God Bless their marriage
Sandy

I completely understand where your husband is coming from. But, this day is not about him and it is not about his ex wife. This day is about his beloved daughter and her mate. He needs, for his daughters sake, to suck up his feelings and take a picture or two. The photographer does not have to put them next to each other. If it is a photo with your husband, step daughter and the ex then the ex can be on one side and the your husband can be on the other.
In a few years the ex might have their life turned around and be a great member of society and this will not be an issue. However today it is, and it is your step daughters wish to have a picture with the two most important people in her life together, on the most important day of her life. You husband needs to be the bigger person and a great dad and just smile for a couple seconds for the photographer give his daughter a kiss on the cheek after the photo is done and go sit somewhere away from the ex. He does not have to speak to her. But, there is no sense in causing any undue stress on to his daughter over this. She is going to have a lot already on her on the big day. He does not want his daughter to hold this against him.

Thanks for the in-put. I wanted the advise of others as my opionion can get a little clouded. I don`t like this woman nor do I like being pushed into doing things that I don`t want to do (my husband feels the same way) but if it`s that important to his daughter than I`m sure he`ll think long and hard on it and give in to her wishes.
Again, thanks for taking the time to respond.

I think that he should tell her that he would be uncomfortable. I don`t think he should say he WON`T do it. Just merely, state that you understand her feelings (we all only have 1 birth mother) and that you can do it, but would be really uncomfortable. That way he is being honest and not seeming so overbearing. She should be greatful that she can have both parents there at the same time. I am planning my wedding now, and my father won`t be there because my grandparents won`t be there if he is.....I made the right choice, but he`s still my dad..... I hope this helps. I totally understand your feelings.

If you can figure out a way to do it where everyone can feel comfortable then do it. I would try. But if not then dont! if you feel its unsafe dont do it. You have the law involved. I think she shoud understand. You need to protect yourself.

I think that you should be honest with her. I am an ex-wife as well and I am engaged to a man who has an ex-wife. I am with you not because I will probably go through the same thing, but because as an ex-wife and because I am wearing both shoes. I know for a fact that yes we have children together but that is our basis for our relationship. We talk solely about the children and it is peaceful. I would not expect us to have pictures together, and sorry to say I would not want pictures with him. Just because we are not a happy family anymore. My future husband to be now his ex-wife is the over bearing, wants to act like we are all best friends. And I am the one who is like there are boundaries. I think she feels like she made a huge mistake which she did but with those mistakes comes consequences. Right? Back to you and your step daughter. If you have a loving relationship with her and she is an adult I say that you 3 should sit down and discuss your feelings, she will have feelings as well. But if you all love eachother then I think it will work out in all of your favors.

I can sympathize with the views of the current wive`s feelings of the ex-wife. But really the most important thing here is about the daughter or child and her dad. Why not just do it for her sake without the negative feelings against each other. I am faced with difficult decision myself since my divorce I have always wondered what to do with all past pictures with ex-wife and children. They have sentimental value in a period in my life but not one that I care about today. My new relationship hates these pictures. What do I do? Burn them to acknowledge my new relationship? Leave them for my kids when they grow up to decide? Send them to the ex-wife or her relatives...Your advise will be appreciated. I do not need to have them with me...