Wedding Dinner - Guests Pay

Laura, Congrats on your upcoming wedding. As we do not know all the facts regarding your reception dilemma perhaps some of the responces have been a bit harsh. However I do not think it would be wise to stick with this course of action. The key to successful entertaining is grace, dignity and manners. I do not think asking guests to pay falls into this category. I do feel that unless there is some reason your reception must be held in this location perhaps you should relocate. The key is to make the outcome appear planned, clever and fun. I think "pot luck " with a twist would be a great solution. In your invitation send an attractive recipe card, ask that they provide their favorite recipe on the card and bring that to the reception. You could even "assign" a course on the recipe card so you have enough of every type dish. At the recption have an elabrate card box for the cards provided, make a big deal out of the item they brought and ask them to add the card to the box. In addition to solving the food issue, you will have an heirloom item to add to as the years go by. How many of us have longed for the recipe lost with the passing of a family member.

Wow. I have never heard of such a thing. While I`m sure there must be a reason why you have chosen to do this, and I certainly do not wish to sound judgmental or critical, but as the other response indicated, as this is your wedding, and they are your invitees, these family members are your guests, just as if they were in your home. As such, it is very marginal to expect that they pay for their own dinner. If it has already been discussed and agreed, then I agree with the other poster and would still not indicate that on an invitation. Otherwise, might eloping be an alternative, and then hosting a home-bound reception when you can afford to? Sorry if this seems critical, but again, after just getting married a few weeks ago and managing to pay a lot more than I thought I could afford (wisely or not so much), the idea of a "dutch wedding" struck me by surprise.....

That is really rude and tacky, sorry to say. No matter if they are friends or extended family, you do not invite people to your wedding and ask them to pay for themselves. How would you feel about that? Also, having 12 people really isn`t that unaffordable. Don`t bother inviting people if you are going to ask them to pay. Wow, that is just so tacky!

Why is it not appropriate to ask guests to pay?

It seems there is an age old expectation that a couple fork out money to celebrate the next stage of their lives, as well as trying to afford a mortgage and start a family - which is tough!

Weddings bring with them a certain obligation to invite people that you may not necessarily want at your wedding. Is it rude that they accept because it means a free night out for them, and just an added cost to you? Wouldn`t it be better to place such obligations back onto your guests - if they want to be there to celebrate your day they will happily pay (in lieu of gifts), and at least then the people you REALLY want to be there will make the effort.

Who has set down a final guest list and thought "Well we HAVE to invite them...." out of some sort of obligation (be it family or work or acquaintance..) So you do.

In today`s world, where the cost of living is becoming impossible, how can your guests be offended at such a request? If they are, who wants them there anyway - it`s not about them! It`s about you celebrating your special day with others who want to do so also.

Being obliged to buy a gift or give a donation is not so different to paying for your meal.