How Should I Word It?

I don`t think there is any correct form of wording for this situation. I think that it is distasteful to directly ask for only money. My advise is to have your mother, sister, father, brother, friend...etc drop hints to your guests saying something like.... The two of you are looking forward to purchasing an outdoor set and that giving a little money to help with the expense would make a wonderful wedding gift. Hope that helps.

I had asked my grandmother and aunt about this very same thing for my wedding, and they wrinkled thier noses and said it was very dis-tasteful. Then pointed out that at the bridal shower, that was the place u could ask for money only and it would be alittle more acceptable.
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It is quite acceptable when couples have been together for some time to ask for money so that they can purchase something they really need instead of something that sits in the cupboard.

Here is a suggestion for your invitation.It`s really very difficult,
It`s very hard to say,
It is rather embarrassing
But there is no other way,
You see, we have a toaster,
An iron and a jug,
In fact we have just everything
That in the wall you plug.
The thing that we are short of,
The thing that we need most,
I think some people call it bread,
But not the sort you toast!

OR

We have two toasters and an iron
We`ve cups and plates and glasses fine,
Towels and sheets we have a host,
But the thing that we need most,
Is bread,
And not the kind you toast!

Good Luck!

Any indication of expectation of a gift is dis-tasteful. I agree with the first post-er that you could let your family and close-friends know to spread the word if people ask. Plus, if you`re not registered anywhere, people will get the hint. Besides, wouldn`t it be nice to get a couple of crystal vases and bowls to "memorialize" (??) your wedding. You can always return the ones you don`t want for cash (which in my opinion should be totally acceptable providing you keep some!). Best of luck!

Maybe you could sell tickets to your wedding. That way you`d get the money. If I were a guest getting a note for money, I`d assume the wedding would be a financial hardship on you. Not wanting to be an imposition, I would be sending my regrets and no present either.

Thanks to everyone for your replies.

I`ve decided not to ask for a gift of money to put towards the outdoor setting. I didn`t think it would offend people as a gift registery also implies asking for a certain gift.

Gee britehorse sorry the thought of me telling my guests I would prefer a gift of money upset you so much. You should get out more but thankyou for your sarcastic comment.

Wow! I`m surprised you picked up on the sarcasm in light that you think it`s ok to ask guests for money.

I have been to a few weddings where the bride and groom included registry cards with the invitations, but there was also a notation included that stated "At the Bride and Groom`s request a wishing well will be available; however both monetary and traditional gifts are appreciated." I personally don`t see anything wrong with stating your preference. I remember when my husband and I got married most of our guests told us to let them know if there was anything inparticular that we wanted. Good luck and congratulations.

I guess I should feel lucky. I`m Chinese and in my tradition. It`s a norm that you give money (approx. $100 a couple, $50 per person, $150 per family of 4 or 5). You give less if it`s not a close friend. Chinese wedding receptions are cheaper (they run approx. $40 a head and this includes lobster.)

Cindy

I guess I should feel lucky. I`m Chinese and in my tradition. It`s a norm that you give money (approx. $100 a couple, $50 per person, $150 per family of 4 or 5). You give less if it`s not a close friend. In my culture, it is distasteful to give gifts. Chinese wedding receptions are cheaper (they run approx. $40 a head and this includes lobster.)

Cindy

I`m getting married in 3 months and included in the invites is a slip with details of an account my parents have set up since our engagement as my fiance and I plan to go to Europe in a year as a belated honeymoon (work doesn`t allow for us to go away now unless we quit our jobs) I`ve never really considered the possibility that people would be offended if we ask for donations. I think it was worded in a way that no one would be taken aback, as a bonus we now have an extra $3000 since we announced our engagement!!!
And no one has to stress about what gifts we might like. All donations large or small can remain anonymous unless the guest wishes to do otherwise. Everyone`s happy, especially us. Good luck!!!!!!

Very cute, Dale :)

I don`t think you need to say anything, if you do not register anywhere people will have liitle choice but to give you$$$$.

I am in the same situation. My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years and have everything we need except the house we want. I did register for a few items, but not enough to cover both families. My fiance feels that if you don`t register you will automatically receive money and that is just not true. You may receive some money, but some don`t like to give money, so they will go out and buy you something that you just hate and it`ll be a burden on the bride cause she`s the one who will have to return it if at all possible.

My question is how do I write where we are registered yet include we need the cash?

These days it`s a beautiful thing....when you receive a gift usually they include a gift receipt! It`s incredible! You can take the gift back and if a refund isn`t available then you might actually get to pick something out you didn`t even know you needed! Isn`t that great? What`s even better is that most stores carry the same brands so if you get three Foreman grills you can return them to Target, Bed Bath and Beyond or another similar store for store credit! Fabulous! And what should happen if you absolutely get stuck with something you don`t want or need? LIfe is over, isn`t it? No, you either sell it at a yard sale, pass it on as a gift to someone else who wouldn`t know you received it as a present or put it in for the office secret Santa!

When are you girls going to realize that it is NOT okay to put ANY information about your registries or lack thereof in your announcements or invitations. WORD OF MOUTH is the only acceptable way to spread news of your registries. Weddings are not about receiving gifts whether monetary or otherwise. Most people are smart enough to a) figure out where you`re registered on their own b) get the hint when they look at your short registry stuff that money is the way to go and c) to ask your parents or relatives or friends what you want. Some people think it`s absolutely tacky to give money or giftcards, etc anyway so you`re out of luck in both respects. But most people also think it`s tacky to include info. They`re not going to say anything to you, of course, but secretly what they`re saying as soon as they see the info in the invite is "tsk, tsk, she really doesn`t know any better, poor thing."

I apologize if I`ve offended anyone but I truly find it offensive that people just don`t know any better! I have a similar post on the Money Dance thread so obviously I`m very passionate about this particular etiquette debate. I just get really disheartened when I open a friend`s invitation and see registry information. This has only happened twice out of all the weddings I`ve gone to. Consequently, it was the same two weddings where I saw the Money Dance.

It is your and your fiance`s day, so do what you want to do but I just beg all you brides to rethink the way you approach letting others know about your registries.

Julie you should really save your passion for a worthier topic. Ranting at strangers about invitations and ettiquite is ugly. State your point briefly, kindly, and move on.

As for this topic, It reminds me of the don`t wear white after labor day rule. Only people who cared followed it. You know your families and friends, if you feel comfortable asking for cash do it, if not don`t. It really isn`t a big deal.

Jewel,

I previously apologized if I offended anyone. I feel a little offended myself that you asked me to take my passion elsewhere to a more "worthy" cause. I feel manners and etiquette are a very worthy cause, especially in this day and age when few people have them anymore. I`m not a tree-hugging hippie but I`m really sorry to see manners fall by the wayside. We definitely live in a bigger, better, faster, more type of world in general and it seems that even when it comes to weddings, brides like some of us forget the real reason for a wedding. There is also an element of class associated with my prior argument. Most of us here, from what I gather, want elegant, classy weddings. I don`t agree with everything Emily Post says about weddings (does she want to fork over all the extra money just so my invitations are engraved?) but certain things like class are priceless. I am also older than a lot of brides here and have a good understanding of what is considered appropriate and inappropriate. I just think some of us have lost sight on what our wedding day is really about.

Jewel... Thank you for you reply. I really appreciate the help. I`m glad MOST (directed to Julie) of us brides-to-be or former brides realize and have concerns about the same issues. We all just want everything to be perfect whether it`s a concern whether or not to put an extra piece of paper in the invites to let our love ones know what our wishes are or whether to just accept junk.

Julie, since you have all this time on your hands... I`ll be sure to give you the items that are not returnable and you can deal with it in `yard sales`!

Julie is SO right on. No matter how much you diss her it doesn`t change the fact that she is completely correct. But do whatever you want. Whatever you decide to do will be a reflection of you and your ubringing. In another words if you do something so terribly gauche as this, you`ll be pitied and your mother will be blamed. It`s all up to you though. But don`t be mad at Julie or anyone else saying what`s right. Your guests will ask you or your parents or your wedding party about what you would like, or where you are registered. It`s terribly offensive for the happy couple to tell people to give them money (or to give them anything!). If guests want to know, they will ask. Otherwise they will give you whatever they want and if you don`t like it then you deal with it appropriately later. A gift is from the heart. And the cheesy cutesy poem doesn`t mask the insult, it just makes it worse.

Manners grow from traditions, and they change over time, along with technology, society, and many other things. It used to be incorrect to call a person by their first name unless you were very close, now most people prefer it. This issue is on the cusp of change- if it weren`t it wouldn`t be so hotly debated.

Wether you choose not to offend your guests by indicating you expect a gift or to inform them of your preferences so they don`t waste time shopping for what you don`t need, there are going to people who wish you`d done otherwise.

It`s not black and white just because you or Emily Post or your Great Aunt Helen says so. Both options are desirable- it`s nice to not be expected to bring a gift, it`s also nice to know what`s needed without having to bother the mother of the bride or a bridesmaid (if you know either of these people).

And there are worthier causes. Aids, illiteracy, poverty, child abuse, safety education, cancer, war, terrorism. Pick one to get upset about. Gift preferences aren`t worth it.

And for Julie, apologizing for an offence before writing it doesn`t make up for it, it just shows that you are perfectly aware of your actions and choosing to do them anyway.

Good luck to all brides as you plan wonderful things for your wedding days. That is the sign of a bride who knows what their wedding is about- comfort, entertainment, for yourselves and the friends and family who surround you.

This particular manner hasn`t changed. No matter how many brides do it doesn`t make it any nicer. It`s like chewing with your mouth wide open. Believe me, I`ve seen hundreds of people do it over the years, but it`s still bad manners.

Julie is right. When you receive a gift, it is just that, a gift. It is utterly classless to include in your invitations information about a gift. A gift should NEVER be expected and by telling people what to give is even more classless. You can register in good taste and let your family and friends know where you are registered. If you prefer cash, the same is ok, WORD OF MOUTH!!!! you have to remember that even if you register somewhere, some people will still buy you that ugly toaster from walmart. The idea of a gift is to accept it gracefully and thankfully. If you don`t need it or can`t return it, why not donate it to a homeless shelter or the salvation army (to people who would appreciate the generosity). Just for the record, you invite people to your wedding to share in the celebration of you marraige, not to provide you with gifts. If they so choose to do so, great, but a guest list should never be based on the family income of the people "choosen". And furthermore, as Julie stated, Manners do need to be exercised more. How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding and told what to give as a gift. What`s it going to come to next, telling them HOW MUCH MONEY to give? just be sensible, your message can get out just as easily through word of mouth. (and i am a younger bride by the way, so i am not old fashioned, i was just raised right).

I agree with the majority here...maybe I was lucky enough to be brought up the right way too...

Char, if you`re going to complain about having to return gifts you don`t need or want, then what does that really say about you? Why are you even planning a wedding?

Wouldn`t it be nice if there were a polite way to ask for money instead of gifts. We just bought a house, and we could certainly use the cash.

But the truth of the matter, at least in my life, is there is no polite way to do this, because it just isn`t polite. Your mom might suggest it if someone were to ask her, but otherwise, no. I do wonder about some other people at times, but we are not getting married to see how much loot we can acquire. We`re inviting people to share the day with us because we want them there, not to finance our wedding or the purchase of our first home.

To put some silly little poem in your invite suggesting that they leave the gift behind and bring the chequebook is bound to offend someone. For us, offending even one person is too high a price.

K