Mother In Law

No offense to you, but you are in her house and that is her son. It doesn`t matter to her that you are his fiance, you are not his wife and even that today, doesn`t mean that it is forever. Mother/family is forever no matter what. You both are in her house which means you are unable to live on your own so she is resuming her job as mother. Already a lot of men`s mother`s cannot let go. You both showed his mother that you still need mothering when you moved in with her. It doesn`t matter to her that you are only there until your house is built, you still have a need to live with her so she feels that you are not "grown" since you need to live with her. She is resuming her motherly duties (even though this man is grown). That is her house so she cooks. I do that in my house. No, I don`t have a son but when my daughter and her husband comes to visit, I cook in my kitchen not any other woman, not even my mother. It is your job when you live in your own house. When you are in YOUR house, then she has no right but you both are living in HER house so she has the right. You fighting with his mother isn`t going to make things better. Don`t get between a mother and son, you will lose!!! Ease up and show this woman that you want to be with her son, offer to help her in the kitchen. If you have formed this opinion about her already, then you risk having a hard relationship with his mother. If you really feel this way, move out and live with your mother while he lives with his. If you don`t have that option, then move out into a small apartment and get your sanity back. If you keep up the fights, you risk having his mother say to this momma`s boy, "do you see how she treats me in my own house? do you see how she disrespects me?" Honestly, I do not think I could marry a man if I can`t get along with his mother. Why do I say all of this to you? I was there. I left there and won`t go back there. I refuse to EVER live with a man`s mother or mine if we are grown and about to be married. You need to either get along, let her have her son before he gets married and move on together. Get along or move on.

I must agree a little. You are in her house so you have to put up with her and all that she is about. I do not think that she is trying to break you up, but you may be breaking you both up if you keep fighting with his mother. My husband was a momma`s boy. I knew that. When we would visit and stay in her house, I used to grin and bear it because he is her only son and the baby. She is lonely without her husband so she lives through her children. When we moved in with her after having a bad fire, I was miserable for a long time because I couldn`t do my duties as a wife. I felt like I was trapped. I know that she loves her son and I knew that she loved me too. Since I was in school, I decided that on the days that I had free, his mother and I would go do things. We would go to lunch, shopping, I would help her in the kitchen and make the best of the situation. You need to make the best of the situation because if he is the momma`s boy that you say he is, and if he is truly in love with his mother, then you will be on the outside looking in. No man is going to choose between a mother and a woman. Here is what my mother told me, you can always get another man, you can never get another mother. Basically, do not turn your back on your family because men or women come and go but your mother is there for you always. I wanted this man, I love my husband. Living with his mother taught me a lot. If this man loves his mother and the Lord this much, then he can love me that way also. I wanted to be apart of that. I grew up and matured my relationship with his mother and because of that, my relationship with my husband is wonderful. While you are in her house, follow her rules and her ways and you will grow to have a relationship with her. Do not fight his mother, it doesn`t look right.

Helllllooooo! You chose to live in the lady`s house....so...you live by her rules. It`s virtually impossible for two women to share the same house without major conflicts. You should just relax and go with the flow, this is her son and it`s her house. Let her enjoy being his mom for a few more months. Instead of fighting with her, you could have used this time to really get to know her, to get close and bond.

Maybe you should not argue with your future husband as you will be the one breaking up the relationship. His mother is only doing what she would do for her children while they are in her house. She probably needs to feel useful. It may be hard but bite your tongue, the months will go by faster if you accept it.

Although it is her house, you still have the right to voice your opinon. I am going through the same thing right now, but it`s at my mom`s house and her rules. The only reason she gets on my nerves is b/c we do things differently. It`s not even her. I think that`s how you feel. Be greatful you have a place to lay your head without having to pay all the bills! We have it made girl! Concentrate on the wedding and your future house. Let her do the labor for now, b/c once yall move, you`ll wish she was there to do some of the stuff for you. Kepp your head up and stay forcused, it won`t be too much longer!

Help...my situation might be worst..i need to talk to someone..she my evil mil was divorced 20 years ago, her other child passed away..and now i`m breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years because i can`t live with her..by the way she smoke and doesn`t work..am i crazy?

What is with you people slamming someone for expressing the way she feels? You all should be ASHAMED of yourselves. Are you all without blame for your actions?

I know exactly how you are feeling, and I AM married. And we live in our own home. But you`d better believe that my MIL acts like she is still the only woman in my husband`s life. The only thing I can tell you is

1. Ignore the idiots here that are CRUEL and trying to make you feel bad about yourself because they obviously have thier own issues to deal with.
2. Discuss how you are feeling with your fiancee. NO ONE should try to come between the two of you and if they do, then ignore them. PLEASE don`t think of your upcoming marriage the way one poster did-that even marriage is temporary-what the hell. Are you kidding me? YOU (the person who replied) are the reason there are couples out there divorcing every day. And I know plenty of "mothers" who only gave birth. They were by no means what a mother should be.

This woman needs to realize that even though you are a guest in her house, YOU are the woman her son chose to marry, and therefore you have earned some respect. In turn, I am sure that you would show her respect as well. But she DOESN`T get to say...I`ll treat you the way I want because you`re in my house. How on earth does that "LOOK RIGHT"??? People who reply to your cry for help in such a hateful way need to put their own lives in perspective before they start putting down others. Sheesh.

Ok, so I am a mother in law to be and here`s what my feelings are. My son and his FW is living with us. We do not charge them for gas put in the vehicles, utilities, food, rent and we make the vehicel payments. We are also paying to 99% of the wedding. I adore my FDI but sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own house, but most of the time she`s great. IF you make the decession to live with/in someones home that is NOT yours you need understand that things will not always be the way YOU want. And this is her son, now and forever you have not yet married him so therefore HE IS NOT YOURS YET - Little lady. So - put on your big girl panties and deal with it!

I know what you mean.....me and my fiance have our own place and his mom is still in our business.....she is always ask if you have paid bills that is in MY name not hers or not even her son`s...i have lived by myself and i work two jobs so the bills will get paid....and if we dont come to their house for supper or after he gets off she calls like every 30 minutes....they are always in our business....and his older sister always trys to get him away from me...i work on weekends at night and he works in the day time so when i am at work he is over there...they try to say that i am trying to come in between them.....he goes and see them for lunch and then about 4 hours or more after work everyday.....the only time i get to see him is when we get on and go to bed....and wednesday night we go see my parents that live 35 minutes away and EVERY wednesday night they ask so what are yall doing to night?...and ask if we want to go eat with them and they KNOW that we see my parents then...so what do you do about that....it is bad when my fiance dad has to get on to his wife and older daughter bc they try to get there son to spend all the time with them....he told them to STOP acting selfish......

I am having some similar problems with my MIL. She needs to know EVERYTHING that`s going on. She controls his checkbook for crying out loud. (Which I have told him is about to stop because we are both adults. Or so I thought!!)When does the guy cut the apron strings and be a husband instead of a little mama`s boy?? I understand family is forever but what about the family the FH is going to make with his FW??? Does that count at all?? Not everyone gets divorced!! For example, his mom tried to steer me into wearing a wedding dress with sleeves. I told her very nicely I`m going backless and that`s that! He lives with ME in MY house that I worked damn hard to earn as a single mother!! When I ask for help with bills,I should get it without him having to ask mommy if it`s ok!!!! It`s my personal opinion that mothers should help their sons to be men--not little children. I told my FH that I want to be the wife in the relationship!! ME!! Otherwise,he could go marry his mom!! Living in someone else`s house...Well,when under someone else`s roof,you`ve got to bend a little. Maybe you could try to talk it out with his mom. Maybe she`s the kind of person you could work with. =) You know,you could take the lazy prospective and be glad she does all that work for you!! Just kidding!! I enjoy doing things for my FH too and sometimes it IS like she`s stepping on my toes!! "Who am I?? Chop liver?? Nah,just his FIANCE. I`m not anyone special!!"--is what it feels like sometimes. As for my FMIL AND my own mom---we`ve got our work cut out for us. It`s been a damned nightmare ever since we announced our wedding date. Try to work things out to a middle ground and then if that doesn`t work there`s always the Holiday Inn. JUST KIDDING!!!! Just a side reminder though before I forget---always remember that you are NEVER wrong for how you feel about something!! EVERYONE is entitled to have their own feelings about things! You may have the wrong IDEA as far as his mom goes with that whole situation but you are NEVER wrong for feeling a certain way!! We are ALL human and entitled to feel whatever way we want!! (Unless you`re pregnant and then you have no control over your emotions!! LOL Just kidding!!)

Ok first of all...these people that are usin this forum as a way to talk down about people have real issues. People are one here to get help not to be critized!
Ok, I am living with my fiance`s mother also until our house is vacant (renting) and she is driving me nuts too. I over look it which is very hard believe me. She doesn`t wake him up or cook him breakfast but she reminds him all day about our bills tells him I`m not the woman for him...and stuff like that. What I would do if I were you is just relax take deep breaths and kinda realize where she is coming from. She`s getting ready to loose her baby to another woman and she might be thinking that she will not be needed after his is married because you will be there. She is probally thinking that she is in competition with you and you are her replacement. Put yourself in her shoes and look as if it was your baby boy getting married. I am not trying to back her up or offend you please remember that. But breaking up with someone you love because of his mother is deffinately not the answer.

Hi, im just expresing my feelings that`s all. Wellll MIL I`had never thought that my life will be so bad. My MIL was not happpy with my first pregnecy.....i was so depress and I had misscarriage. I dont know why some people don`t let anyone to be happy. I worshiped her as my parents taught me, you should respect elders.......but she never happy. I always helped her in kitchen and never let her do dishes. But she always jealouse with me. And pushing me from the kitchen. I don`t know how to teach her this relation. I always give her respect but she ignore this. I DON`T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS?????????? Some time i tried to do suicide. My husband knows everything but he don`t want to take any action. Tell me what should I do???????????? I have a small hight and she insulted me infront of her neigbours. When i got married i was 120 pound now im only 97 pound. Now i don`t worship GOD coz now i don`t trust on GOD. Iam helpless........plz help me before i sacrifice with my life.

Just think ladies...if you decided to have children...you to will be a mother-in-law at some point in your lives.

Dear MIL,
If you are a mother in law and saying somday you will be motherinlaw too and you will to treat them so badly. Let me tell you nobody do this. Because we got a lesson that how hurtful it is to hurt somebody. I know some DIL not good. And I respect all mother hearted motherinlaws, but not the jealouse person. Who don`t kknow how to gain respect. When i go to my motherinlaw home my heart was clear I seeked for their love. Did all the work at their home. And never let her do dishes. But she was not happy at all. She was not even happy with my pregncey. Torchered me with her balck tounge saying worse thing. I was so depress and I had misscarriage. But her reactions remains the same. Never give me some good words. There is so many things but very short time to write. You knkow why Iam writing on this site I can`t do anything nobody to talk. Can`t talk with people arround our ralatives coz some what I do`nt want to insult them. So writing is the only way. Where i can express my feeling but cant do anything. Not even mentioning my name and thier names. Just seeking a mental advice because iam not a GOD I am a human being. Fighting with my feelings. My parents taught me always respect elder and help them all the time, but after marrigae i found every thing is wrong they taught me nobody want to have respect. There is jealouse in every where...............

Are you a good mother in law if so then please tell all mother inlaw give a love to their DIL. And I will say all DIL to give love to your mother inlaw.........who will listen no body. Coz someboday is jealouse. And that`s true.

I would rather die instead of having to live with my mother in law! I hate my husbands mother!!

Anyways, this is not about me but about you: I can only recommend you the same as the others:
1. Talk with your husband, but try not to say anything bad about his mother, otherwise you fight again
2. Try to ignore your mother in law: the less your enemy knows about you the less that person can hurt you
3. Try to get to know as much as you can about your mother in law, the more information you get the more you can use against her!
4. If things get too bad: move out!!

Don`t forget that you want to share your life with your husband! You both have to find a way to become and to stay happy together...maybe you are lucky and your mother in law will die soon, you never know, ha! (...wish I would be soooooo lucky, hahaha)

Bye and take care!
Veritas

Hey, well let ur mil have ur fiancee for a few moments for while until u are married u can have him as forever no big deal...

This hit a personal note here and I will just add a comment from EXPERIENCE and hope that someone will listen before they go through what our family is dealing with.

To the original poster - big deal she wakes him up for work - first of all - I wouldnt be mad at your FMIL she is just trying to help - you should however be annoyed with your FH - he should be able to wake himself up and be to work ontime without anyone`s help.

Big deal she fixes breakfast - heck I wish I had someone making me breakfast in the AM. If she cooks then make a deal with her that you clean.

Just get along and stop nit picking . You DO marry the family and these are the people you will have to get along with .

Now - I have a sister inlaw that IS the worst, most self centered, selfish, single minded person in the world. And she treats my mom like crap . Our entire family has bent over to get along with this girl and she is just a nasty , rude person.


Example - my brother was just in a near fatal car accident. It happened at 11:45 at night - she did not call my parents untill almost 3 am - nearly 4 hours later. AFTER they were in the ER room, AFTER she called her sister 11 times, called the neighbor, her parents etc... While my brother lay there going into emergency surgery , and asking where his parents and sister were. When she was asked WHY it took so long for her to call someone - her response was " well are you going to get worked up ? what did you want me to tell you?" My brother is now out of the hospital and she went behind everyones back and cancelled the wheelchair ramp to be put on the house because she didnt want something like that on HER house - So my brother is STUCK at his DEMON inlaws house and not able to go home until he can walk up some steps.


All this has done is drive a wedge between my brother and his family and has caused hurt feelings. SO PLEASE just stop the nit picking and just get along.

Life is to short for this !!!

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How long until your house is finished? I say you stick it out until your house is done. Atleast you have a plan. Alot of people complain about living with their inlaws but have no plans to move out. Just tell yourself its only until the house gets done. Monther inlaws bug everyone!!!!!! But remember you aren`t married yet. Just think how great it will be in the end? Ignore it all or else you are going to end up breaking up for real!!

First off, the bible says a man is to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. In other words the man is to love his parents but cut the cords and stand up and be a real man and tell his parents his business is just that HIS BUSINESS! The man should respect his mother in telling her Thank you for what you want to do but my fiancee/wife would like to take on the responsibilty of making me breakfast etc. And I would like it very much if you would allow her to. It is time I cut all cords to you and allow my fiancee/wife to take her role in this relationship. Then on occassion allow his mother to make breakfast for him or participate in helping you make his breakfast. The waking him up that is what alarm clocks are made for but again he should tell his mother thank you but it is time for fiancee/wife to make sure I get up and allow you (mother) to sleep in and not worry. If I (husband) don`t wake up then fiancee/wife will make sure I do get up b/c that is part of her role in our relationship. Yes it is her house but it is husband/fiance and wife/fiancee relationship and out of respect for both women they each have their role. I don`t think it should be fiancee/wife to tell MIL b/c that only adds to the fire. The only thing MIL is entitled to at this point of relationship is respect and love. (F)DIL can help by maybe once a week ask MIL to make some type of favorite breakfast/meal that she can not make like MIL. EX: MIL would you mind making some of your blueberry pancakes for us in the morning, I can not get mine to come out like yours and I really enjoy the ones you make. Evil is overcome by love. Show love and you will get respect.