Height Difference
Here is my concern: I am a 5’10” bride-to-be, and my husband-to-be is 5’4”.
This may sound very shallow and perhaps even down right stupid, but I sometimes have these thoughts lurking in the back of my mind: Will I look like a complete freak when a) we kiss at the ceremony; b) when we walk down the aisle after the ceremony; c) when we dance our first dance, etc. (Note: I definitely do not consider myself to be shallow, or I would not have even dated this man, never mind agree to marry him. I guess I am just paranoid in general).
I realize that our love for each other should override any foolish concerns, and I am really trying my best to overcome this. However, I think this notion is, in this case, “much easier said than done”. I honestly do not think that there are a very large percentage of couples where the woman is a half a foot taller than the man.
Anyways, the whole point of my message is just to see if anyone has actually experienced and/or witnessed a wedding where the bride was quite a bit taller than the groom. I would just like to hear some outside thoughts on the subject. I would really appreciate it.
Posted by Brenda; updated 03/08/02
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Hi Brenda,
I know exactly what you are expierencing. I am 5`7" and my husband-to-be is only 5`3". We are planning a Spring wedding for 2003. I`ve had some concerns about how our pictures would look and the things you mentioned as well. But, I`ve come to the conclusion that nobody will care about that. We`ve been together for over 5 years now and I feel totally comfortable with him. You`re love for each other and the excitment of the day will far surpass those "lurky" feelings you have now. When your guests see how happy you guys are together, they won`t even think about the height difference. Stay positive and you`ll be fine! :)
Posted by Quinn; updated 03/11/02
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My situation is alittle different, as i`m the short female here at 4`11, my fiance is a six footer. However, my idea might work for you. From the very start, i guess it would be the first kiss, make light of the difference. Before you guys kiss, have someone very pointedly bring out a decorated step stool for your man and it`ll ease all the tension that might`ve been there. It`s like u are saying, yes i know he`s short, but we can have fun with it. For the wedding pictures, take ones where u are sitting, with him behind u and things like that if u like. After all, we aren`t short.. We are vertically challenged ;)
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Posted by *~NightSpirit~*; updated 04/16/02
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I`ve got the opposite situation. I`m 5`4" and my fiance is 6`9". We have strangers come up to us all the time wanting to know how tall he is--it just amazes me that they would ask! I`ve thought about that whole first married kiss thing, but have decided that all the people at our wedding are our friends and family and have gotten used to our height differences and won`t even notice. I like the idea of the step stool, but only if he`s comfortable with that--it would be a fun play on the situation. Have you talked about it with him?
Posted by Sarah; updated 05/04/02
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Hi Everyone,
Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate it.
I haven`t mentioned anything to him about using a stool for our first kiss. It is kind of ironic, though -- we just had engagement pictures done yesterday, and the photographer was so nice and accomodating. She never specifically said anything about our height difference, but on the pictures that she took with us standing, she had him stand on a block so he appeared taller. I thought that was kind of funny!
Thank you again and best wishes to all of you!
-Brenda
Posted by Brenda; updated 05/06/02
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Please let me know how you are doing. I am dating a man who is 6`8", I am 5`1. The height difference is a bit of a concern for both of us. How do you deal with the uncomfortableness of this?
Posted by Pup; updated 08/23/02
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I say don`t worry about it. Keep in mind that even if your groom stands on a block or stool in your wedding pictures, you and everyone else (including any future children) will still know that he`s shorter than you and you`ll always notice it in the pictures. If the height different bothers you, my advice would be to have the bride wear something like ballet slippers that add no height, and have the groom wear some shoes with a little bit of a heel or thick sole. You might still be taller than him, but it won`t be as noticeable.
Posted by Ariana; updated 10/04/02
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You think the height difference for you and your soon to be spouse is bad, my parents height difference is a lot worse. My mom is 4 ft.11 in. And my dad is 6 ft. 2 in.
Posted by Jeannette; updated 10/26/02
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Hi everyone! I am so glad that I found this message board. I think that all of the women who have been posting saying that their husbands or future husbands are taller than them need to realize that it is more socially acceptable for men to be taller than the women even if it is by quite a lot! I am getting married in Dec 03, I am 5`9" and my fiance is 5`1" so yeah we are markedly different from the "norm" but we have made it through 6 years of a wonderful relationship. I as well worry about the whole height difference when so much attention will be drawn to us as a couple. If anyone has any other ideas or stories of things that they did to draw less attention to the height difference I would appreciate them!!!
Posted by Colleen; updated 11/18/02
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Just wanted you to know that I am 5`6" and my wife is 5`11", in addition she wore heels to our wedding. While I was able to gain two inches with heels there was still a noticable difference in our heights. The thing is I only had people that knew and cared about us at the wedding, and it didn`t feel uncomfortable or freakish. If you are getting married for the right reasons it shouldn`t matter to you either.
Posted by Jonathan; updated 11/25/02
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Hi Everyone,
I want to thank everyone who replied to my original message. I guess I just needed a little reassurance that I was not the only one in this situation. My wedding day has come and gone, and, like you Jonathan, I ended up with two inch heels (since I paid extra for an "extra-long" gown, and then would have needed it hemmed with my original flat shoes, I figured I would save money and get heels and no hem!!!) The thing is, also like you said, is that we were surrounded by friends and family, and the difference in our height was the last thing on my mind (except when we kissed, but I made sure I leaned into it instead of bending at the knees like a chair!)
To Quinn and Colleen, best wishes to you both and anyone else tying the knot in the near future!!!
-Brenda
Posted by Brenda; updated 11/25/02
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I am 4`10 and my husband is 6`5.
All our friends and family know us and love us and they were used to seeing us together well before the wedding. No one ever even gives it a second thought.
You and your fiance are not going to look funny or strange. You are going to look like you`ve always looked. Everyone who is at your wedding is coming to see you and they know what you all look like. Forget about it! Just get it out of your head this minute. You don`t want to waste even one precious second thinking about it at your wedding. The day goes so fast! Don`t worry, if it feels natural now then nothing will change on your wedding day.
Posted by N.; updated 11/24/03
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Hi Coleen, and everyone else,
Our wedding is June 26th 2004 and I am 5`10" and my future husband is close to 5`6". There have been people in the past that have made comments, but it does not matter to me. He could not love me more if her were taller, nor could I love him any more.
I have thought about the first kiss thing, but not that I am worried about it. We too have freinds and loved ones invited, so they already know that I am taller than him, and it will not be an issue.
Good luck to anyone getting married in the future.
Sandie
Posted by Sandie; updated 11/25/03
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Im dating a man who`s 6`1, and im 4`8ish.
I love my height, and it really doesn`t bother me about the huge difference. Its not even on my mind. Im all for fun, and having a great time and im just too busy to see what some people (who stare) see.
Posted by Hannah; updated 12/02/03
