Bridesmaid Crisis - My Mother Won`t Let It Go

You have given good points on both sides so the only thing to say here is, do what you want, it is your wedding.

Its a tough call. Ultimately, you ought to do what you want. It is your wedding.

The only thing that stikes me as odd is that it sounds like everyone would be fine with her being a bridesmaid too (I assume?) and that it wouldn`t shake anything up to do it...So why not do it, if it would make a lot of folks happy? (Is it really hard to keep one more person informed as you mass email the bridesmaids?) At the same time, you`ve already got the dresses and everything, so its a bit late in the game. And she and her aunt certainly know now that you weren`t intended to in the beginning. Soo...I can`t imagine it being *that* meaningful to them at this point.

So I don`t know. I`d lean toward keeping it how it is, given the time frame and that fact that *you* don`t seem to want it.

I can see your mother`s point. I do think that your aunt really wants to see her daughter in the wedding and I think your cousin wants it too. Otherwise, she would just say thanks, but I look forward to enjoying the wedding as guest. That`s all it would take to put this issue to rest. You can say that it`s simply too late to add another bridesmaid.....which wouldn`t be a lie.....and give your cousin some other position of honor. Maybe she could say a poem or a special prayer at the ceremony. However, if you really like this cousin and if you really want to do something nice for your mom, ask her to be a bridesmaid. Just be open and honest with her by telling that all the plans and decsions have already been made and you won`t be able to make any changes to accommodate her.

On re-reading this, one thing I am not sure about....

Why is this situation so bad that you want to call off your wedding? It sounds like fairly typical dispute, unless there`s something going on I don`t fathom.

So I just want to encourage you, whatever you do, DON`T overact. Everything will be fine. Just try to as considerate to yourself and your mom as possible.

If it`s not a big deal, why don`t you just add her? But if it is...then, I suppose, don`t.

Everyone`s responses have been great! I`m not *really* going to call off the wedding...but it`s been extremely frustrating to conduct civilized conversations with my mother when this is what she wants to talk about.

To clarify someone else`s point, Chrissy is scheduled to be one of the readers during the ceremony. I suppose that my mother and her mother do not think that this is "enough."

I can certainly identify, though you might not guess it from my ambiguous messages. :-)

My mom and I had a real dispute, which felt and was completely insane, over whether my finacee ought to ask my brothers to stand up on his side. It was the exact same situation--I had assumed they`d be ushers, readers, maybe something else, and Jeremy and I both seemed to have 4 people, so it was balanced (not that balanced is a requirement, thesedays). Then my mom asked about my brothers, and I asked my fiancee, and my fiancee didn`t feel good about it. It was a simple matter but so stressful, partly because rules are so fluid now--and my fiancee and I are from different regions of the country (and our parents different generations to boot). Because my fiancee`s experiences had taught him that it`s really not necessary to put siblings in one`s party, and he had a lot of close friends he wanted to ask. To my mom, it was just basic courtesy that her request be granted--and it was a request so should never "have had to make in the first place--everyone knows its an importnat symbolic move." Of course this all came out 2 months after everything was planned, lol....I thought mom had asked, my fiancee had said no, my mom had been upset, and it had blown over. And 2 months, boom, still an issue. Everything is fine now, but it just goes to show how hard it is to negotatiate with different folks feelings; it becomes not "the issue" per se but various levels of hurt over suggestions being declined, etc. Of course the other difficulty is that once you yourself have not done "the obvious" by anyone`s standards, its very difficult to make amends.

That`s not meant to be a horror story--it blew over, or mostly. But it is to say: these situations are hard, so know you aren`t alone. There`s always some insanity! Hang in there, whatever you decide.

Make your cousin your personal attendant and note it in your program.......she can help you with everything on that day that you wouldn`t let anyone else attempt to do. Just remember it is your day to shine....not your cousins or aunts!!!! they should have no say in your wedding.