Parents Oppose My Choice To Marry
I am marrying a wonderful man in spite of my parents opposition to my decision. They have made ungrounded and wrong judgments of his character, and continue to subtly say terrible things about him to me and other family memers. They refused to help me with the wedding planning and budget, though they are fortunate enough to have the time and financial ability to do so. I have asked them to let go of their assumptions about my future husband, and trust me and support me in my decision, which I (as a responsible 30-year old woman who has been in a good relationship with the man for 2 years) know is good. I want them to come to the wedding. However, i fear that because of their outspoken opposition they would be doing so, just to make a false show to extended family and friends that our family has no problems. I dont think i want anyone at the wedding who doesnt support us as a couple, even if it is my parents. I feel like that would be insincere and make me uncomfortable to know that people in the congregation`s front row dont support us in the vows we are taking, which i believe are sacred, permanent vows. Should i ask them not to come unless they can be in support of us?
Posted by Jess; updated 01/18/05
Reply
From experience...when you are in love you tend to block things out or make excuses for things. You dont see things clearly as you may think. Your parents are just saying things that you need to hear because you might not see it. I know it is easier said than done and you are going to do what you want anyway. You should sit with them and listen and think about what their concerns are. Just go in with an open mind.....don`t go in ready to jump on everything they say and defend yourself. Let them speak first and then tell them your point. If i had done it with my parents i would have not gotten married...if someone had really opened my eyes to the situation. Also speak to a really good friend who knows both of you...and ask for her honest opinion. Make your decision if you really should get married or not first and then consider the rest.
Posted by Leslie; updated 01/22/05
