What Should I Do?

It`s your reception but I would skip the dance. Maybe dance an extra song with your new husband.

It is your father`s choice not to be there, you want him there and you want that dance so unless you feel it has to be your father, find another man in your life that you are close to (uncle, father-in-law) and dance with him. Or you can have a dance dedicated to your father but I have only heard of that if the father is deceased.

Are you seriously telling us that the church you get married in is more imporant than having your parents at the wedding?

Both you and your parents sound stubborn, but if I were you I think I`d reconsider my location options.

I wouldn`t rethink my religious beliefs for anyone. Why would I get married in a Catholic church when I am Baptist just because my parents do not approve. God is everywhere and we all serve the same God it is just the way we serve in the different religions. If you are Methodist and your parents are Catholic, then you are both serving the same Lord. You need to explain this to your parents. Talk to a priest in their church and have everyone sit down but you should not have to sacrifice where you want to get married it is not about being stubborn. Everyone has a right to their own belief.

You really should speak with your parents. I could not imagine not having the 2 people who are the reason for my being alive, not being at my wedding to enjoy the day with me. I don`t think I would be able to be happy on that joyus day without having my parents there. Is there some non-denominational church that you can get married at? Why not make everyone happy? I just pray that you know what you are doing by accepting your parents not being at your wedding because I really don`t think that they will be the only ones to regret is later. Can you talk to your parents, priest, your husband and your minister? You need to talk to them sweetheart.

Like I said, my parents are strict Catholics and if my marriage ceremony won`t take place in a Catholic Church, they`re a no show. I converted to the Methodist Church 3 years ago and they have not accepted my beliefs. They will not compromise. I will not let them stop me from marrying the man that I love. I will not regret the happiest day of my life, my wedding day.

This woman did not ask for advice on having her parents at the wedding or not. Sounds to me as if she has already made that decision and is fine with it. A bride or groom should not have to compromise or beg to have ANYONE at their wedding (family included). If that family member does not have enough love or respect to disagree with a choice but still show support then good riddens.

As to your ACTUAL question about a father daughter dance. I would honestly say that unless you have another person in your life that you would like to honor then I would skip the dance. The father daughter dance is a spotlight dance, and personally I think it should be with someone you want in that spotlight with you besides your husband. Don`t just do the dance to fill the slot. Hope this advise helps.

The reception is not in the church, invite them to the reception if they still do not show, maybe you can have a father-in-law dance as it will be closest to having a father. He will in some respect be your father. I don`t think he would mind either. They are still your parents but if they have no respect for your making a decision about your life as an adult, move on, enjoy life and yes I do believe they will regret it later as Mika said. Even if they will not step foot in the Church for the wedding, the reception is something totally different.

Mel,

Plan your wedding according to your wishes (sounds like your paying for the wedding without your parents). Weddings today -- anything goes. It is no longer having to do traditional ways. If they do not want to attend the reception part, no lose to you. You can skip that part of the dance unless you would like to choose someone else who is close to you (uncle, brother, friend of family, etc.).

It is your day. Enjoy it and forget what others are saying or thinking. If your parents are truly christians, they would understand that it is the same God that you are also worshipping.

Good Luck!

Laura

I agree with Janine. I would skip the "daddy" dance bit.

Why should she have to skip the father/daughter dance just because her parents are stubborn (btw Linda, she is not being stubborn, her parents are!!!). Yes I do feel that she should invite them to the reception but it is their choice not to come, she did her job when she invited them in the first place. Mel, this is your wedding. If you looked forward to having a father/daughter dance, then dance with a special man who is like a father, you can also dance with your father-in-law. I loved the idea of another dance with your husband. Here is some advice on your situation, you are grown. I would think that I would be very happy for my daughter that she at least chose a religion that she was happy with. You could have chosen to be an Atheist. We grew up Catholic. I am Lutheran now and my sister is Muslim (can you imagine?) My parents didn`t care as long as we were happy. I want you to be happy and know that no matter what, you are serving God and you are marrying a man who loves you. Pay for your wedding and do it your way.

Well said, Paula! The cost of this wedding is indeed coming out of our own pockets, but even still, my parents are not coming to the wedding because of their strong Catholic beliefts, and of course I am sad that they will not be there to support me. However, I do understand why they chose not to come. My mom has it in her head that she has failed as a mother to direct me to the "correct" faith. She also told my sisters that she believes God is angry with her and that is why she will not step foot inside any church besides Catholic. My father also said that if I dared to marry in a non-Catholic church then he will disown me as a daughter; he will see it as if I am already dead to him and never existed. (Ouch!) Having said this, a non-denominational church is also out of the question as well as speaking to a Protestant minister (are you kidding me?) I wish my parents were a little understanding, but sometimes I wonder if I am also selfish and deserve to be shunned for not carrying out my parents` wishes. I`ve made my decision to marry my best friend and as they say, choices have consequences. I will still make an effort to think positive things and enjoy the most important day of my life. At least I will have my sisters and many cousins and friends that day to support me. I thank you all for your good advices. ALL of you!

I don`t care what sob story you are trying to feed us, but I still believe you are also the stubborn one. You wouldn`t be here if it weren`t for your parents, remember that!

She is not being stubborn, as she stated, no matter what her parents would not come unless it is a Catholic church and she shouldn`t have to lie to herself just to please her parents. To disown or to render a child dead is beyond anything that I would think any parent would do just because she made a choice to live her life. As parents we teach our children to get respect you have to give it and yet we are telling her to accept that her parents are not respecting her life. It can`t work both ways. Mel, no matter what, if you parents are truly believer in God, they would know that he forgives all. Since you have stated that they wouldn`t even have talked to your minister then that lets me see that they are being stubborn and they just don`t plan on budging. Many times I have seen where I was wrong with situation dealing with my 15 year old daughter and I have to realize that she is her own person and just because I did things doesn`t mean that she will. I am Presbyterian and my daughter attends a Christian church, joined it and is doing wonderful things there. At first I was upset when she told me (after visiting with friends and visiting their church) that she wanted to join that church. I told her no because she was too young to make that decision. I went to that church, it is a very nice church, they have praise and worship dancers, youth club, youth sunday, youth choir, they go on trips, have over night conventions and do things wth the youth that my church doesn`t do. I understood her feelings for this church and I prayed on it and let her go. She has been there for 3 years now. She loves it and I am just happy that she is still praising the Lord. Just as we appreciate our parents, they should also appreciate us. There are things my mother did with me that I would not do with my daughter. Doesn`t mean that I dont` love my mother and she isn`t brainwashing me by hurting me to make me rethink it. Mel never said that she doesn`t love her parents but they said that to her by doing the things they are doing and I do not think that is fair but I will say this CONGRATULATIONS & GOD BLESS, my prayers are with you and your whole family on your wedding day.

Mel dear,
Sorry about your situation. Please dont think that you are selfish and your story isnt a "sob" one. There`s no rule on a dad/daughter dance. Dance it with who ever you want. Its unfortunate that your parents wont be there, but sometimes in life, we have to put ourselves first and in this case you have every right to do so. The important thing is that you are happy.
I can only hope that your parents will come round see how wrong they are for not supporting you. It seems to me that this is more about control than religion ie your parents are upset that they cant have their way. Well, at least the rest of your family will be there. May God bless you and may you find blessings and favour on your wedding day and in your marriage. (AMEN!)

Okay ladies, after many days of endless begging, my mom and dad have agreed to attend my reception (ONLY the reception), in 2 conditions:

1) not inviting their close friends (who I grew up with in the neighborhood; they were like my 2nd parents!!!)
And
2) not invitiing MY close friends (who some of them are children to their friends!!!)

They basically told me to choose. Do my friends matter more than my parents? Of course not. But I still want to have my friends there on the most important day of my life. 2 of them (daughters of parents` friends) are my bridesmaids!!! The stupid thing is, they already told some of their friends about me marrying into a Protestant church and how dishonorable it is, etc.....In addition, my parents called up most of my relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents) to tell them not to come to the wedding. I`m pissed! They are not hosting/paying for the wedding, we are! I spoke to my sisters and some said I should and some said I shouldn`t invite their friends and my friends. It`s a face issue, because my parents don`t want other people talking about how they didn`t raise me up properly(Catholic and all), etc...

What`s depressing is that my fiance and I planned and saved on this wedding for almost a year, and now they`re telling me to make it a smaller, immediate-family only wedding? They`re being so difficult! I should`ve just eloped 11 months ago!

Mel,
I`m sure many people will disagree with my advice but here it is anyway. SCREW your parents. I would invite everyone that you want to invite including your parents. This is YOUR wedding day, not a day about your parents. When people get their invite they will see the chuch name, if they want to be judgemental and not come just because it`s not a catholic church I again say SCREW them!! I do not believe you should have to give you parents this unconditional respect when they have so little respect for you and your feelings. It also sounds to me like your parents are acting more like spoiled children not getting their own way.

Now I know this advice is not for everyone. It`s a hard decision and you don`t want to have regrets later so I do suggest you think long and hard.

Mel,

Do not give yourself so much heartache. Have the wedding your way -- forget everyone else`s opinion even if it means your parents not being there. Leave it in God`s hands and his will. Trust in The Lord. Have your ceremony and reception wherever you and your finace like. Those that do not come, oh well! It is their loss and you will see who are truly your friends and family.

Do not ruin your day for other people`s (family`s) selfishness.

Good Luck!

Laura

Mel, Sweetie, do NOT allow anyone to ruin your day. You have the day that you looked forward to having. If you do otherwise, you will regret it. Your parents have the problem, not all of those people. 2 people against 20 people is a large jump to ask. Your parents are being unreasonable. They are still giving you an ultimatum. You shouldn`t have to deal with it. You did your job, you invited, you went further by begging for their attendance and they are still squashing your happiness. You cannot please these people. Please yourself and have your wedding. You are only adding stress to everything else that you are going through and you don`t want to do that. Talk to those family members who said that you shouldn`t invite those people and tell them that if your parents cannot accept you as you are and your life as it is, then they are the ones who will miss out. You shouldn`t have to do this. I really feel sorry for your parents because they will miss everything you are just because they are so stubborn. They are like the Muslims in Iraq. No other religion is accepted except our! They are closed minded and you don`t need this. You keep an open mind and make decision from your heart. You love them, they can`t feel that for you if they are constantly tearing you down over this. I will pray for you. Good Luck and God Bless.