Shower
I have a question about my shower. Since I have a very small bridal party my mother wants to throw the shower. I told her I wanted a small intimate gathering of friends and family (especially since we`re having a small wedding). I told her who I wanted and she found a location etc. Now my FMIL is telling my mom she has to invite her friends to the shower (who I don`t know from a hole in the wall but they insisted we MUST invite them to the wedding and therefore the shower). Now my mom is leaving her friends off the list --all of which I`ve known my entire life! I want to tell my mom the heck with my FMIL friends and to PLEASE invite people I know and care about me.
I know its going to start a war with my overbearing/controling FMIL but honestly it`s my shower not hers and I would rather have who I want there. (And no the room/location my mom has chosen can`t fit everybody).
What do I do? I know I`m not supposed to be involved with this but I need some help.
AND NO RUDE COMMENTS PLEASE!! I`m less than 4 months away from the wedding and stressed out enough.
Posted by Dawn; updated 01/05/05
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...which is why I am deeply involved in planning my bridal shower. Showers don`t have to be suprise showers anyway. If you dig in your heels, you might win, but it will be WAR with your fmil and you will be setting the tone for your future relationship. A shower is just a party, it`s really not worth staring a war over. If I were in your place, I`d opt for two showers. You mom already has her shower planned. You and your mom should have nice girls` lunch with the dragon lady and sweetly explain that since the room your mom has reserved is small, perhaps fmil could host a shower for her side. That way she`s free to invite as many people as she wants and you get all those gifts! Marriage and family are all about compromise (my mom keeps telling me) and you might have start compromising now.
Posted by goodygirl; updated 01/05/05
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Mothers aren`t supposed to host their daughters showers in the first place. And brides are not supposed to be planning their showers. It`s specifically for the purpose of gift giving, hence these rules of etiquette. Do you not get it?
The shower doesn`t have to be a surprise, and the bride can provide a guest list if she is *asked* by the hostess. But other than that a shower is thrown FOR the bride by a non family member and the bride accepts graciously whatever party and guests the hostess decides!
Posted by Kendra; updated 01/08/05
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Kendra is right. Immediate family do not host showers unless.....the family member is MOH or in bridal party, in which an exception is sometimes made.
My daughter who lived 1200 miles away from the wedding site, had only her very best friend from H.S. Stand up as her MOH. We could not expect her to do it all on her own, so I helped her financially and with the planning etc, but my name did not appear on the invitations. The invitation only read hosted by Megan (the MOH). So in essence we did not follow the rules of ettiquette to a tee, but no one was none the wiser!
Posted by BridesMom; updated 01/08/05
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Kendra maybe you "DIDN`T get it".
I did not ask who should host my shower. My mother is doing because she has a lot of money and can do it while my MOH and Bridesmaid are having financially difficulty.
And I specifically asked for no rude comments.
Posted by Dawn; updated 01/08/05
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First off, it doesn`t matter if your mother is a millionaire and your bridesmaids are poor as dirt. When it comes to mothers hosting their own daughters` showers, financial situations are irrelevant.
If a mom is going to do it anyway, then I think the poster Bridesmom did it very tactfully by not putting herself on the invitation, so nobody really knew anyway.
Secondly, when I wrote "do you not get it" I was actually referring to goodygirl planning her own shower. Yeah, it was a rude way to phrase it and I apologize for that.
Posted by Kendra; updated 01/09/05
