Taking Weddings Seriouslly...
I am hoping someone can offer me some advice. None of the members of my wedding party are really taking our wedding seriouslly. My bridesmaids act like the don`t even care about the wedding. I told one of my bridesmaids that the shoes & dresses would be in, in a day or 2..So, what does she do...she goes out of town (this was 3 weeks ago) she just got back this last week. She is the only one who has not tried her items on. I am scared that the shoes will not fit her correctly & really want her to try them on & she has yet to try anything on. We had a week from the time they arrived to send them back for new sizes. Of course she was out of town & then she has the nerve to tell me that if they don`t fit I`ll have to buy her a different pair of shoes!! Also, our dresses are strapless so, I told all my gals I`d like them to get a strapless bra if they don`t have one & she told me she wasn`t waisting her money on that & that if I wanted her to have sone I had to buy it...other wise she would just go w/o a bra (mind you this lady`s breasts are WAY too big to go w/o a bra). Today she called me & told me she hadn`t gotten down to try her stuff on, but she wasn`t worried because if the does didn`t fit she`d go barefoot. I am scared! I don`t want her to be the only one w/o shoes & with no bra. HELP! What do I say to her? I don`t want her to be the only one who looks like a slob!
Posted by Kimmy; updated 12/18/04
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Talk to her and if the attitude doesn`t change, do not allow this one person to ruin your day. Take her out and find someone else or eliminate the position all together. She is trying to ruin your wedding and she probably won`t care that you terminate her position. You shouldn`t have these worries. Maybe she is jealous of you because you are happy and are getting married. She may want to ruin your happiness. Talk to her and then get the feel of the situation and go from there.
Posted by Mika; updated 12/18/04
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I have tried talking to her, and it seems like what you say goes in one of her ears & right out the other. I don`t think she is being this way on purpose, this is just who she is. I know what I want for my wedding...I have a tendancy to be very bossy, and I don`t want my bossiness to turn to rudeness, but geeze...I want my wedding to look nice, not tacky...I don`t know what else to say to her...I am just going to call her & say OK we are going down this day to try stuff on...if you don`t go you aren`t in the wedding...I know this is harsh, but this is the way I figure I am going to have to be...any thoughts?
Posted by Kimmy; updated 12/18/04
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I don`t mean to sound flip; but, you buy her a bra and some shoes. You can call it a loan. If you get repaid that`s great, just don`t count on it. Consider it a wedding expense. I`ve been on the other side as bridesmaid (6 times) and I have a whole new prespective now that I`m a bride. Being in someone else`s wedding only gets to be fun when the wedding day arrives. Before that it`s a an expensive chore. It always costs way more that you were told and you have the bride and the maid of honor and sometimes the brides mother calling and telling you to do this and buy that and go for this fitting yada yada yada. You just tune out after awhile. Give yourself a break, just buy your barefoot brides maid with the big boobs the things she needs. That will be one less headache for you.
Posted by goodygirl; updated 12/20/04
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I agree with Mika and I also do not feel that you should buy her the things that she needs. Etiquette states that if you tell them about the expense ahead of time and they know that it is up to them to get these items, then they get it. When she accepted, she also accepted the terms that went along with her being your bridesmaid. No one is forcing anyone to be in their wedding, when the bride to be ask, you have a choice to say yes and accept the expense that goes along with that yes, or no and not have to worry about spending your money. If they are a true friend, they don`t mind, if they don`t have it then they will tell you up front. This is not a way to treat a bride who has so many other things and frustrations to worry about. I have been a bridesmaid 8 times and know that I will be one at least 5 more times for just the ladies who were in my wedding and more if family members ask me to be in their weddings and I don`t complain or fuss about the cost. Anyone who does, should not put themselves through that expense and anyone who complains about it, should not have said yes.
Posted by Carmen; updated 12/21/04
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Goodygirl, don`t be such an idiot! When a bride ask friends to be in their wedding, they accept the terms. Many smart people know that there are fittings, rehearsals and expenses. SMART people know that there are times when things will change and they allow for little changes. She has been more than generous with this person. I agree with Mika talk to her or put her out. I also agree with Carmen that if they accepted the position, then they didn`t mind the expense. The friend was very ignorant when she told you that she would go barefoot or braless. She was adding more frustrations to what you already have and I believe that she should be taken out. I told my bridesmaids before they accepted, that the expenses were gonig to be approx $500 per person. In all, the expenses were only $225 but they didn`t mind the $500 when I told them and when it was much less (as we found a much cheaper gown from last years line that came with a matching wrap and the shoes were found at an outlet mall). The bride can choose what she likes and having what she wants in her wedding and since this person has more issues than magazines, give her the boot.
Posted by Francine; updated 12/21/04
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Were you born in a barn, Francine! You certainly got all emotional over a response that didn`t even involve you! I guess something said hit a nerve......
Posted by goodygirl; updated 12/21/04
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I guess she was being flip like you were. Were you born in a barn for being flip?
Posted by Maryanne; updated 12/21/04
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I believe that this is a very touchy topic. I think that Mika had a good idea as well as Carmen hit some very great points. I believe that when you accept the honor to be a bridesmaid, you accept everything that comes with it down to the changing expenses. You accept the appointments, fittings, changes and everything else that comes with the territory. It is like a job and that is a position that you have to be a good friend to accept. Goodygirl, I don`t think that the bride should take on the expense of a very defiant bridesmaid. She has more than enough expenses and if she does it for one, then she should do it for all so this one should do as the others are doing and offer up the money to make things right for her "friend`s" wedding. That has nothing to do with being raised in a barn.
Posted by Dyanne; updated 12/21/04
