Mother Giving Ultimatum

It sounds to be like you are in a very tense situation. There probably is no ideal solution. But it sounds crucial that you make a decision that respects both your and your mother`s boundaries of respect.

Here`s the thing: It is your mom`s decision to oppose the marriage, if that is what she feels she needs to do. She might be dead wrong, but it is her perogative. However, it it also your perogative, after listening to her concerns, to get married anyway. This is your life. This is one of the the most important decisions of your life. No one else can make it for you. And once you decide to go through with it, you should have a wedding rather than feeling pressure to elope. You don`t want to remember your marriage as slinking away, to avoid your mom. Have your dreamed-about moment, let your dad walk you down the isle. And you should invite who you wish.

In the end, your mom should decide to attend or to abstain. That`s her perogative. But if she decides to come, it is VERY unfair for her to say make that conditional on not inviting people who are importnat to you. I don`t know why she is saying that, but it sounds manipulative to me. What`s the point of placating her demands, as though you are guilty and need to placate her? Plus, the individuals in question, if they are like family, might feel hurt at lack of an invitation. There will be more than one story as to what happened. If you invite them, and your mom doesn`t come or tells them not to come, at least they know its your mom acting, not you passing them over!

Insist on respectful treatment. Then respectfully tell your mom how important she is to you and that you wish she`d attend. Don`t try to force or blackmail her back. Just let it be.

And in the end, she`ll probably rethink it and show up. (If not, then you don`t want her there brooding over you anyway.) One of my good friend`s parents opposed her marriaged and declared there weren`t coming. The groom`s family threw the wedding. And guess who showed up at the last minute to see their daughter get married?....

You never know.

What terrible position your mother is putting you in. You mother isn`t happy about this marriage and she wants to ruin the occasion, that`s why she doesn`t want you to invite her friends. Don`t fall for this controlling tactic. You aren`t keeping peace, there is no peace, she`s making sure of that. Write her nice note and explain that you love her and want her to be at your wedding, but if she chooses not to attend, you will understand and miss her. Then go ahead and plan your wedding, invite the people you want to be there. Don`t let her spoil what should be a joyous time. That is what she is trying to do.

Being a Mom, I can`t see how your mother can do this to you. I can`t imagine such pain to inflict on a child. Let your mother know that you will invite her despite her feelings as her presence there means the world to you and you would like for her to celebrate with you on this big day. Also let her know that you love the extended friends/family and will also invite them as well because you want everyone to help you celebrate. I think that you mother may feel this way now but it will change (hopefully). I wish you the best of luck on your big day and pray that everything goes well for you. I am sure that your fiance and father will help you get through this.

Every person is different and how they can handle a situation is also different.
I`m getting married and we are an interracial couple. This has caused a lot of tension in my family. My brother (who was basially like a father to me) does not approve and has never even spoken to my fiance. So I made the decision to not even invite him to the wedding. I made that choice because I have never been so happy and my fiance is the best man for me. I have never doubted that and I consider myself extremely lucky to be marrying him. Now with that in mind anyone and I mean anyone that can not put aside their petty differences and just be happy for the fact that I`m happy is not someone I want to celebrate with. I know it very hard when it`s your mother. However I`m a very stubborn woman and my mom knew that if she could not set aside her personal feelings that even her and I would have had a problem. I have always loved my friends and family unconditionaly and cannot comprehend why they can not do the same.

So my adivce is plan your wedding. Invite who you want to invite and if your mother cannot just be happy that you are happy then it will truly be her loss. But do not let that darken the day of your wedding.

Good Luck