Right Under Your Nose
I want you guys to know that when i married at 18 i never dreampt my husband was cheating.I worked 3-11 and the 11-7 shift.We were busy building a house and i just never looked for the cheating part.THEN a few years down the line my sister told me he was harrassing her.Little did i know he was having a affair with her for at least 5 years and after she married she wanted nothing to do with him.But she would never tell me the Truth as he is the full blame.Then i found out he slept with a co-worker of myn and many other women.This all came out 14 years later.I see him watching tv with young women and i see him even watching women excesising on tv.He even tried chassing with women when he went to college.Hey i got the whole 9 yards after 14 years.I have to beautiful boys who Love there Dad and then he joined a church a pentecostal church and started giving them money as he then said he became a christian.It was all chuch after that and when i got to the statement where the funds added up to 21,0000 i knew there was something wrong.Believe me you never know what goes on behing closed doors.He is a great guy but i know he has a problem and it was with younger women and he says he never cheated after we had our first boy.But,I live with this past day after day and it does not go away.I could write a book on married life.But,There are wonderful marriages out there.I worked my butt off to have a nice home and enjoy life.I never knew what was going on right under my nose.I just never want to see othere women stay in this type of marriage.Its horrible.He feels i was the cause of it because I worked.what a joke huh.The sad part is many people in his Family knew he was cheating and never told me.He even went to his olg girlfriends after we were married only a couple years and told them he made a mistake getting married.He wanted to be with other women and yet stay married to me.How could i have been so stupid and never seen it.
Posted by Kathy; updated 11/22/04
Reply
Kathy, when you are a working woman (especially when you are working over-time or 2 jobs or even odd schedules) you don`t tend to see much of what is going on. What you did is what most women have been doing for years. You were making a home for your family and you wanted to have things the way that you wanted them and instead of making it with the money that you were already making, you chose to get 2 jobs that kept you from your family and the home that you were working so hard for. Working those kinds of hours put you in a disadvantage for his excuses. A man who has no attention from his wife, is bound to look for that. Let me rephrase that, a WEAK man ... Joining church means nothing when you are still cheating. He may have done it for appearances. I know people who join church because they met beautiful women and they want the woman to think that they are "saved". One of my husband`s friends is the same way. I just wait for his marriage to fall. He was a cheating, lying, gambling man in the past who met this woman on his job. He started going to church, shouting, being saved and even became the Deacon. He turned his back on his family like they disgust him and only focuses on his wife`s family. For the first 3 years he was playing church music and spitting quotes from the bible and now, he is slipping. First, a man whose heart is pure and loves the Lord, will love his family. A man who loves his family (mother, father, etc...) will love his wife and children. As for your sister, she didn`t help the situation by having the affair with him. She should have shut him down at the first sign of him cheating on you and if he continued to harass her, she should have exposed him much sooner. She was also at fault because she knew that you 2 were married so don`t just place the blame on him 100%. You are also at fault here. You can`t just focus on you children and house and not focus on your husband.
Posted by Carmen; updated 11/22/04
Reply
You were not stupid, just temporarily blinded. Your eyes are open now and with them open it is time for you to realize the next phase of your marriage. No one should be taken advantage of but if you keep yourself in that relationship, then you take the chances that come with it. I never tell anyone to leave their marriage because that is not my call but you should think about your options.
Posted by Mika; updated 11/22/04
