NAME CHANGE AFTER DIVORCE

My sister still has her ex husband`s name and he is remarried. She said that she doesn`t like our family name so she chose to keep her ex`s last name. So she can keep his last name forever. I don`t know why any woman would want to keep the last name of a man whom they are not with. I tell my sister all the time that it is crazy but she has her reasons and so does this other woman.

Kerri,
When someone divorces they do not have to change their name. Some women chose to keep their married name due to children or other reasons. But if she didn`t change it when they divorced I highly doubt she ever will unless she remarries. But try not to let it bother you. You are the one that matters now.

My aunt still has her ex-husband`s last name and has a serious boyfriend with whom she has a kid. The reason she kept his last name is because she`s an attorney and has all her business cards, and everything doing with her job, including the name of the partnership in that last name and it would be a hassle as well as confusing for her clients if she changed it back.

Hi Kerri:
I have been divorced from my first husband for 15 years this January and still use my married name 100% of the time, even though I have been married for 3 years to a wonderful new husband that I love very much. There are two reasons for this: My only child (between first husband and I)-- It is very important to me that I have the same name as my child- it almost makes him seem illegitimate if we don`t share names. Second reason: traditional, formal etiquette suggests that it is the only appropriate solution after divorce for the woman to maintain the name of either the husband with which a woman has the most children with (or even the only child) and if there were no children it is to be a hyphenated name of the first husband and the current. Basically, it is very wrong according to society rules to revert to maiden name or adopt the new husband`s name unless hyphenating it with the original married last name.

I made a point of making sure in my second marriage license that there was no provision that I was adopting my new husand`s last name. This insistance on my part has never been a problem. Best of luck, R.

Thanks for the posts. I, obviously, have never been in the situation before, so was finding it hard to understand why anyone would rather keep a name that they ahd only a short while, from someone they no longer associate with, rather than the name they have had all their life. I have recently found out, however that this may be a way for her to disassociate herself from her family name, and her life before her marrige. You all have been a great help in letting me see the viewpoint from the other side. Thanks.

She was married to the man, she gets to keep the name, if she that`s what she wants. If she was married for a while, she probably doesn` t want to go through the hassle of changing back to her maiden name or maybe she just likes this name better. It really shouldn`t bother you. You can`t change history, like it or not you are his second wife. But, that`s the one that counts!

From a guys perspective, ex wife can keep the name if they have kids involved, if she remarries, sorry, all bets are off.. Give up the name, no little hyphen or anything like that.. Just stop signing my freaking name!!!

I am a little late, but I am in a similiar situation where the ex still uses the last name and applies for credit. They are in the process of signing custody papers and she insists on using changing the papers to use his last name. This is her second failed marriage. I just purchased a name change kit for her to help her along. She has two kids; one from each husband so the excuse of wanting to have the same name does not apply. The entire situation is frustrating. I would recommend for anyone involved in this situation to let the fiance or husband handle the matter, if that doesn`t work, file for an ammendment to the divorce decree. Ex`s are crazy and want to hold on for as long as possible.

It is the womans choice legally whether to keep her married or go back to maiden name and MUST be requested at time of divorce. Many women choose to keep ex`s last name because they have children and it would be difficult to have a different last name

What if the Court did order a name change at the time of the divorce but the woman still hasn`t changed her name and still uses the ex`s last name. Could she be held in contempt of court for disobeying the court order?

That is the same question I had...if at the time of the divorce you requested that your maiden name be reinstated and on the finalized documents it`s stated that you are returned to your maiden name and never changed it...can you get into trouble for that?

You can keep the last name if you want. I got divorced and to change my name i took the divorce decree to the dps office and got my id changed then take that and the old id to social security office and they will change it

I am in a very similar situation and it is very frustrating. There is a child involved in this situation and I do respect that, however, I know that the ex`s intentions are not innocent and although she says that she wants to keep the name because of the child I know this is not true because she now has a child from another relationship and still does not want to give up the name. Toni - you mentioned filing an ammendment to the divorce decree. How exactly do you do that and how long after the divorce can you do that and can it really make a difference?

Hello Hey,
We filed an ammendment and am awaiting a court date so I do not know how much of a difference it will make. I also mailed her one of those $25 name change kits. Hopefully she`ll use it bc the "it takes too much time and cost too much money" excuse can`t be used bc all she has to do is fill out the forms and mail them. I even sent stamps!

Thank you Toni for your response. I think I am going to look into this further, although I know she is trying to hold on to him for as long as she can. Keep me posted on your outcome. Thanks again for the info :)

I am going through the same thing right now. My boyfriends Ex is still using his name and gave it to her new baby as well (not his child) and it WAS in thier divorce agreement that as soon as the divorce is final, she is to go back to her maiden name and not use his for ANYTHING anymore (especially not to name another baby by a different man!)
Is there any forms or anything to file for her to be in contempt of court?

If you are worried about your husband`s ex using his last name you have TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS. Who cares? They had a relationship, have a past together...and at one time he obviously loved her enough to marry her...so come to terms with the fact he had a life before you. Seriously...some of the stuff I`ve read sounds like it came straight out of junior high. I insist on being civil to my boyfriend`s ex out of respect for him AND his children. There`s no other way to be.

Hi all! It`s my understanding, though I do suppose it can vary state to state, county to county and country to country for that matter, that one can take any name in the world they want. I can go to the court house right now and change my name to Shelly Moonflower for $39.00. I am very, very surprised that any court would tell a woman they HAVE to change their name and can never use it again for any reason unless they were a criminal accused of using aliases to commit crimes maybe. Russell, sadly enough... Once you share that name, it`s hers to use forever if she chooses, but again, you didn`t have to give her permission. It would be interesting to know if any states have a law about changing your name, I know of six states that don`t care what you call yourself.

When I divorced, I changed my name back to my maiden name. I started using it the day I separated and it felt absolutely wonderful - like putting on favorite slippers after standing in stillettos for a day. Pointy great-looking heels that kill your feet and prevent you from being able to dance... Now you get the picture of my marriage!
Anyhow, I see that some of my friends are choosing to hold on to the names of their ex-husbands, chiefly because they want to have the same name as their children. I think is a huge sacrifice to use a name you don`t like for the rest of your life. I would rather have the same name as my own family and I want my children to have the same name as me, not just their father. Accordingly, I am in the process of changing their names to hyphenate their father`s name and my name. They are totally fine with it and it will mean that they will share a name with all of their grandparents and cousins, not just their father`s half, whom they rarely see. I have a few words of advice for anyone in the same boat: First: go for it! If you think its going to be a good thing for your kids, then don`t let anyone tell you its not traditional, etc. Its not traditional to get divorced either. Second, try to do the name change as part of your divorce, not a separate action, and three, do it when your children are young. My kids are excited to share my name and it helps that they are still little. My ex is fighting me on this claiming its "degrading" and "embarrassing" for our daughters to use my name as well as his. Can you imagine? Finally, it would have been much easier (and less expensive) to deal with this name change like my own name change, as part of my divorce three years ago, not post-judgment.
Give some thought to whether you want to change your name to your fiance`s, and what you want your children to be called, and forget about his ex-wife. Its your name, your life, and your future that you should be focusing on - not hers. Good luck!!
PS i am engaged now to a wonderful man (with a great name), but I will be keeping my "maiden" name. I think of it as my family`s name, not my name from before marriage. This is how men view their names - not as temporary ID`s. Its who you are, no matter what relationship you are in. Now my family name will also be the name I share with my girls. It makes me proud of them and of me. Should be interesting to see what they do when they get married...

About 4 years ago I met a man who was going through a divorce. His now ex-wife planned on divorcing him for years and one day finally kicked him out (she is a psycho and unfortunately the only reason he married her was because she was pregnant...anyway). Him and I got married about 3 years ago and when my husband asked his ex-wife (shortly after the divorce was final and again after we got married) when she planned on retaking her maiden name she said she will never go back to her maiden name. (I actually still have the email she wrote to us).
In this situation, is there anything we could do legally to make her retake her maiden name? Just curious.