My Fiance Doesn`t Want An "EXTRA" W
Ok, so my younger cousin would like to do a special praise dance at the beginning of our ceremony and my fiance doesn`t want her to do it because he thinks it is "TOO MUCH" for a wedding. He says he likes things to be "NORMAL" and "SIMPLE" but I ask...what is so "COMPLICATED & EXTRA" about a praise dance??? Can someone please explain to me if I am wrong by saying to him that this day is supposed to special, supposed to be our unique day...it should not be plain and dull...I do not want to just stand and recite our vows, eat, drink, dance and GO HOME. It should be a unique day for the both of us!! SO how can I communicate to him that this is important. This is not an everyday thing, we only have 1 wedding and it should be special. Can I have something that makes it ok to enjoy the wedding? Will it not be special? Will 3-5 minutes of the ceremony be spoiled because someone wanted to congratulate us on your marriage in their own special way??? Please help, I need to know how to communicate this to him...or just keep the engagement broke off!
Posted by T.K.; updated 11/16/04
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Forgive my ignorance, but what is a praise dance?
If this is so important to you, you must be clear to him WHY it is so important to you. In addition, ask him if there is anything special that he would like to do. He has to learn to compromise, especially since that is a priority in marriage. Good luck to you and best wishes.
Posted by Beth; updated 11/16/04
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A praise dance is a dance honoring & praying for someone. It`s an honor to God and it`s an honor to whoever it is for.
Posted by TW; updated 11/16/04
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I also have never heard of a "praise dance" how old is this younger cousin that would be performing the dance?
With that said I do agree that marriage is about compromise. So talk let him know why it`s important to you and find out maybe why it would make him uncomfortable.
Posted by Janine; updated 11/16/04
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I have seen praise dances done to honor a deceased parent while there may be a candle lit and a poem read but it was done as a tribute to a deceased parent. I don`t understand how or why this was so important that you broke off the engagement, your day will be unique and special because it is you and your fiance up there getting married, you will have other things there for it to be unique. You day is how you make it. Did you do the marriage counseling yet? Things like this is discussed in the counseling. Is this worth breaking off an engagement? Think about that first and then figure out your next step.
Posted by Mika; updated 11/17/04
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Thanks Mika...This has felt really important to me I think mostly because every idea that I have come up with as far as colors, special scriptures etc. He has turned down because simply put "He doesn`t want to do it. And I think him not wanting to have the praise dance as a part of the ceremony hit my last nerve. We have talked about this and both came up with how we want to celebrate our day. We have started counseling & that is going better. I understand your point and I appreciate everyone`s help. :)
Posted by T.K.; updated 11/17/04
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Wait a second here. You guys REALLY need to pay attention to your counseling. It doesn`t sound, from the one exchange, like you guys are the best at resolving conflict, whether that be from different interpersonal styles or what. You need to make sure that decisions like these are made with both you feeling listened to, loved, and respected in the decison that is reached. And yes, both have to compromise. You MUST find that you have this skill before you are married. Married life is made of little conflicts like the one you describe. They`ll make you or break you.
This goes beyond whether or not you have a praise dance. This is about whether you should get married in the first place. Use this planning and engagement period to discern this. If things aren`t good, you want it to stay suspended. If they are good, then you can proceed feeling confident!
And of course, there`s a good chance that things are good. I don`t mean to say they aren`t. I just mean that you should really think about these issues now. It`ll only help.
Posted by Danielle; updated 11/20/04
