How Young Is Too Young?

Hey bubs,

Just wanted to let you know that in my opinion you are way too young. Don`t get so serious about life, the divorce rate these days is greater than 50%, mostly because people think they have to settle down so soon like you are thinking of. Live your life, don`t ever forget your friends, or they will forget you when it may not work out for the 2 of you. Do not make him the center and only thing in your life.

Regardless of what everyone is telling you, in the end you will do what you want, most everyone does. Also, we all come to this earth to learn certain lessons that we decided before we were born. Your current situation is a learning lesson. I would suggest that you ask God, your guardian angels and guides on why you are with your boyfriend, why you want to get married and if it would be in your best interests. Remember everything we do is for a purpose no matter what age we are. Trust, follow and listen to your inner instincts. If you need clarification, from my personal experienc,seek out spiritual counseling from a pyschic or guru.

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Too young..NO! If you decide your ready and you feel the warmth in your heart that your ready..Thats when you know it`s right to go for it!
So follow your dreams and the love the 2 of you have!

Well, i know that when you have been with someone for two years it seems like forever. But just remember that it really isn`t. And that time isn`t what matters. I think that you are too young. But if you aren`t planning to have the wedding for 2 more years then that will give you plenty of time to make sure. Just be careful. Life changes. Even betweeen the ages of 18 and 20 EVERYTHING CHANGES! GOOD LUCK!
BUT GEFINITLY DO PRE-MARITAL COUNCILING. IT IT TOUGH, BUT MOST NEEDED!

I think 2 years will give you a lot of time to learn and grown and see if you still want a marriage. I am only 19 now, but I am amazed at how much I have learned in the past few months (living with my boyfriend), when I thought I knew everything a year ago. I know now that there is still so much to learn, and by the time I get married, I will be much wiser than now. I would recommend pre-marriage guidance. Also, I think it would be a good idea to plan a certain date to start planning for the wedding. If you plan and plan for two years, then you will not have time to enjoy your relationship before you are married. I hope things work out for you, and congratulations!

I was married at 21. And I regret it. I changed SO MUCH from the time I was 18 til now that my husband and I have NOTHING in common. I wish so much I could go back and ENJOY my early twenties doing things I was supposed to be doing. Instead, I spent them cleaning the house, working my butt off, cooking, and not seeing my friends. I felt robbed. Just live together for awhile, trust me on this. Once that ring is on your finger, EVERYTHING changes.

I`m 19 now and will be getting married this summer at the age of 20. I defintely understand the hesitancy of others because of being so young. The thing is I would have thought the same thing a couple of years ago. It is more of a risk to get married younger, but everyone is different. No one can tell you whether you`re ready for marriage yet or not(whether 19 or 40). You have to search your heart and pray for guidance about the whole thing. Be willing to listen to others advice though even if they don`t agree with you. If you`re seriously weighing all opinions on the matter and still feel led to get married you can be much more confident in your decision. And I want to re-emphasize everyone`s advice about pre-marital counseling, and discussing truthfully any and everything with your fiance. Keep your eyes and mind open to the idea of waiting even once you are married. I still pray everyday that if we are rushing things that God would make that clear and we`ll postpone the wedding, even though I`m far into the planning process. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide. DON"T BE AFRAID TO QUESTION YOUR DECISION, it`s through that questioning that you can gain the assurance you`re not blindly going into this.

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend and I had gotten engaged after knowing each other for a short period of time. He was my first and LAST (hopefully) sweetheart and I am very thankful for that. I knew from the first time we sat down and had a real conversation that he wasn`t like others. Well...right now, we are in a long distance relationship, even with being engaged, and we both agree that we are learning more and more about each other the more we speak. Some things we find out are good, others aren`t the most pleasant, but the COMMUNICATION is there. I am 20 years old, and was engaged when I was 19. We are planning on getting married in two years, after we are BOTH done with college. I have many friends and family matters that are giving me advice telling me that this is not the wisest decision. But the only person that can live your life is you, and if you know that you are ready, I wouldn`t say you are too young. Just make sure that YOU are ready and are happy with everything you are planning to do with your life TOGETHER! Good luck:o)

Well thanks for all your advice!
We got engaged on December 8 2001 and we are planning our wedding for 12 April 2003!

Congratualations!! I am a few months older than you and engaged, and people have told me the same thing. But it is not their life and they do not know how I feel.

Congratulations! I just want to say that, NO YOU ARE NOT TOO YOUNG! If you are truly in love you should follow your heart and (if your religious) let God unfold his plans for you. I am also 19 at the moment and have been w/my fiancee for 2 1/2 years and plan to wed July 2003. It will be hard of course, but don`t let people knock your dreams. If he truly makes you happy and you compliment each other everything will be fine. God Bless.

Like you, I am also engaged and getting married this fall. Just wanted to give you a little advice, since I was once a young bride too. The first time I was married, I was only 18 and only knew him a short while. Had I known him longer, I wouldn`t have married him. Now that I`m older and I`ve realized all that I learned those eight years of a very bad marriage, maybe I can pass along a little wisdom. I`m not saying that all who get married young are destined to fail, in fact I can think of three couples right off the top of my head that got married very young and have stayed together, even through some very hard times. What I`m saying is that you need to make sure that you are both where you want to be in your lives right now and make sure you both have the same goals for the futures........careers, further schooling, kids, etc. Please make sure you`ve taken care of your needs before you take on another person in your life, that`s partially where I made my mistake. If either of you have any doubts, ever, you need to discuss them with each other. And there is nothing wrong with living with somebody first, especially this day and age. I`ve always believed that you never truly know someone until you live with them. Good luck to you both and may you have many, many happy years together.

Whether or not you are too young is something you need to decide for yourself. Maturity and readiness to take this kind of step are things that our not contingent on age alone. I, for example, am getting married this July, before my 19th birthday, after months of careful thought. I am at a place in my life where I am very ready for this, however, I have many friends my age and older who will not be ready for quite some time. You and your boyfriend have to take into careful consideration the effects that this will have on your relationship, and will have to evalute reasons both in favor of your getting married now and against it. This way, you will be absolutely sure of your descision, and if you do indeed decide to get married, will have a better chance of getting your parents to understand.

I was once a young bride. We got married when we were 19. I was a couple of months from turning 20 and he was five months away. We`ve will celebrate our 23rd anniversary this July. Has it always been smooth??? Of course not...but we grew up together and are still exploring the world. He is my best friend and I am his. We include others in our little world (our daughters and extended family and a few friends) but ask us our favorite times and it`s when we are alone..especially when we are taking a road trip. We can spend 10 hours in the car without the radio on and talk the entire time! Good luck and listen to your heart. I can tell you this....we brought God into our marriage about 12 years ago and has made us even more dedicated to each other and our girls. Keep that in mind!

Bubs,
I`m 17, I will be 18 in April and I plan on getting married in October. If you really love the guy marry him, and if your parents like him and love you they will respect your decision.

Greetings Bubs... I`m almost scared to reply after reading all the replies from everyone else. Lol ok, but here goes, i`m 24, i know that`s not very young, but my boyfriend/fiance is 18. We are getting married in september. I met him in December...and since then my life has not been the same. He lives in the states, i`m in canada, but we manage to keep things real...he even came to see me in march. I`m going down there next month, then he`s coming back to canada in June to live. Immigration is very hard, very long and very expensive. We are both aware of everything, and fully prepared. I met this guy in a dream...only when he showed me his picture one night in a chat room i recognised who he was. He`s my soul mate..and i feel life is too dang short to wait for this and wait for that...grab happiness while u still can, u never know what tomorrow brings. ---------`---,--{@

Thanks again everyone for your advice.
Stacy- we are both Christians so we know the joy of having God in our relationship already!!!

Nightspirit. . .
I am in the opposite situation! I am 20, he is 25-almost 26. . .he is in Canada while I am in the U.S.
He proposed in november and we are scheduled for July.
Immigration costs suck :(

I am 18 years old to. I have known my boyfriend for 4 years, and we have dated for close to 6 months. We feel that we are ready to get married and start a life together. If that is what you feel you want to do and you love him a lot. Then it is the right thing for you to do. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and this alone will carry us through and it will carry you to. Good Luck!!!

I`m so glad you are going into this with God Bubs. The main assurance I have is that my fiance and I have covered this decision in prayer. If you allow God to stay at the center of your relationship He will bring you through no matter what may come up against you. Congratulations again.

Melissa, hey girl, we should exchange emails or something and keep in touch.. U know share the head aches and such!:) my email is nightspirit00@hotmail.com drop me a line. The immigration forms are very long and scary lol -----`---,--{@

Hey. I am 23 years old, and I have family members telling me that I am too young. The interesting thing though is that age is not an indication of maturity. There are mature, responsible 19 year olds, and immature irresponsible 37 year olds. I would suggest that you take your concern to God first. The heat that I get from my family centers around things like, "You need to establish yourself...Make some money...get some things in your name...buy a house...enjoy life...That`s the one that gets me--enjoy life! As if to say that you can not enjoy life after marraige. I don`t know sweety, it seems to me that there is not a set age. Marraige is spiritual and we don`t all mature spiritually at the same time. What does your spirit say?

I know that this topic got started quite a while ago, but I just had to add my story. I am 17 years old, and a sophomore in college. I will be getting married next month to my best friend in the world, who is 20. And it seems like everyone has to give me thier opinion (he is in the military and is 2 states away, therefore, I get the opinions!) All I can say is follow your heart. As so many others have so eloquently pointed out, age is a number. And just that. Maturity is something completely different. Stay true to yourself and to eachother, and everything else will fall in place.

Lauren

Hi!
I dont think you are too young to get serious and thhink about your future. If you feel you are mature about it, and u can see further than your feet in your relationship, then go for it!!
I met my husband when i was 16. And at the age of 21 we got married. But in the course of our relatiionship, we went thru ups and downs, and because we were young,
I think we have matured together,

And we havent had any problems! so.. Go for it.

When I was 14, I had no boyfriend, but there was this guy who was not very shy about telling me he was interested in me. He told me and everyone we knew that we were going to be married and have lots of kids. I was so angry. A year later we were together, my first REAL boyfriend. A year after that he asked me to marry him. I thought I loved him so I said yes. My mom kind of laughed it off. We decided that we wouldn`t be married until I graduated high school. So a June wedding two years later was the plan. Well this led to that and during my Junior year I was pregnant. Gave birth at the beginning of my Senior year. Finished high school. Moved in together, with our son, THEN got married two years after I graduated. We`ve now celebrated our 9th anniversary and have 4 beautiful children to show for it.
My story is a happy one. But not all of them are. Make your own choices, but be careful. And good luck.

Hey everyone! i posted on here awhile back, and i just wanted to update things alittle bit...my fiance is in Canada now and we are beginning the immigration thing. We have our wedding rings bought and everything. Love can make all things possible with alittle faith in God.
------`----,--{@

I am also 18 and am now engaged. We are getting married in Nov. Of 2002. It is a very big commitment and you should really think about it but if you want to get married and you communicate really well I say go for it. There are lots of couples that get married young and have great marriages. Always keep an open mind and then sort through everything you`ve heard to make your decision.

I got married a week after my 21 birthday. If i could go back i would not change a thing. I was with my boyfriend 2 years before we got married. I think you should do it if thats really what you want to do. Only you know when the time is right. Im now 22 and will be married 2 years on august 12. Things are going so well we decided to get married by church in january 2003. Dont have kids for a while. Enjoy your time together as a couple

I was married at 23. We had been dating for 4 1/2 years before we even got engaged. We were very much in love. We were engaged for a year,had a beautiful wedding, then after 2 years I realized how much we had really changed since I was 17 and he was 21. We have since divorced. People continue to grow over time and the difference between 18 and 25 is astounding. If its ment to be, it will happen. Please don`t rush. It is not worth the heartache.Best wishes to you both and I trully hope you consider a long engagement.

I just got married two weeks ago, and I am only 18. Our marriage is going to last a lifetime, and we both know that. As long as you and your husband understand eachother, then you will be fine. Trust me.

It seems everyone has a lot to say about this subject.
I can only tell you of my experience. I met my husband in high school at the age of 16, we were together for 4 years, and were married at the age of 20. We are celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary on the 6th of July. We have lived a lot of life. We have gone through just about everything a couple can go through. But we did it together, all of our firsts were with each other, first friends, first lovers, first nurterer, first as parents, first battling disease, first death of parents, first in financial problems. That is what has kept us together, we do not know how to be without each other. We can face anything, as long as we can do it together. You will have your ups and downs, just remember to treat each other with kindness & respect. Remember you both will change, if there is something about each other that bothers you now, just think how much it will bother you 5 , 10, or 30 years from now. Communication, talk about everything, rent the video series "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus",
It`s funny, but very right on. Never stop encouraging each other. Grow spiritually together. You will never know everything about each other. Do little things for each other. Try and say "I love you" every day. It really is important, especially for women, to hear their spouse tell them those 3 little words. It will feel at times that you are being taken for granted, and you probably are. Buy a funny card or do something special, so that you remind your husband why you got married in the first place. Life gets in the way most of the time, hang in there, make it work. Don`t become a statistic. Don`t let the doomsdayers win.

Good Luck!

I am 18 years old, my boyfriend is 21 and we both want to get married as well. Fortunately, my family has supported us. His family, does not as much. His father did, but he recently passed away. My boyfriend is in the military so we are in a long distance relationship. We have been through a lot for our ages, and we know that life will throw some more unexpected turns in the future. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and he is coming home from a long trip with the military in two weeks and we are planning on getting engaged then. I say to you Bubs, You are not too young!! Age is just a number and it does not determine whether or not you are ready to be married!! Only your heart can tell you that. I wish you the best of luck to you and your new fiance!!

Congratulations on your upcoming 28th anniversary, Denise!!! I hope my marriage lasts as long, and longer. My 10th will be coming up in March. I`m so excited. And they said it wouldn`t last. As I said before, I`ve been with my husband since I was 15. Nobody thought we`d stay together. My feeling is, even if we split up tomorrow, we`ve already had the best 14 years of our lives. And I`m thankful for that. Again, congratulations, best wishes, and many more.

I would not go to a guru and spend money.

I know that everyone is different. I consider myself pretty average, though. I can assure you that you and he will change ~drastically~ in the next few years. You are in love now, yes, but as you change, you will likely grow apart. It`s true that women mature much faster than men do! You may end up babysitting him for a few years!

I was married at 17. Deep down, my husband resented being `tied down` and not being able to sleep around as he chose. So, being young and stupid, he chose to do it after we were married. Needless to say, after many, many nights wondering where the heck prince charming had been all night, we divorced. I was 20 years old with a 2 year old child to support on my own.

Fast forward a few years. I met a *nice* guy in a chat room. I have since learned that it`s dangerous out there to say the least! I realize alot of people reading this are thinking "but I met the greatest guy in the world on the internet." That may be the case, but I strongly advise anyone who meets someone on the net to get them checked out. It will save alot of heartache. I didn`t do it, and I ended up marrying a real life psycho. He was 36, I was 24. We divorced after I caught him downloading child porn on our computer. This seeminly innocent guy has broken my nose, my arm, and bruised me so badly I could barely walk. Now he`s sitting in a prison doing 15 to life for trafficking child porn. He deserves to be where he is, and I hope he never sees daylight again.

He was utterly perfect in the beginning. I made several visits to his hometown before I moved there. We married two years after I moved to his hometown. Within days of our wedding, the torture began. We were divorced a year and 3 months later.

So here I am, older and wiser, hoping another young lady doesn`t repeat my mistakes. Please listen. If you love him, wait. You may discover that it was meant to be, and I promise you will discover a world of things about yourself.

God Bless Gals!

Avalie

My DH and I will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary on Sept.8th 2002. We dated for a couple of weeks and were engaged for 6 months before we were married..He was 19 ..I was 26. Marriage is alot of hard work, you just have to be willing to roll with the punches life throws at you. ALOT of people said we wouldn`t last 6 months. Well they are eating them words now..11 years later. I wish you a wonderful married life........

This is a very difficult debate to get into without putting someone offside. BUT... In my opinion there is no such thing as too young, only not ready or too immature. I am 19 and I am getting engaged to my boyfriend early next year. From previous experience with horrible boyfriends (abusive, possessive etc) I believe that when you find the right one, you have to hold onto it, and be brave enough to look the world in the face and stand by your decision. And quite frankly, it`s nobody elses business. But don`t kid yourself and think that nobody will give you their opinion, because they sure will. Be polite but firm. Good luck with your wedding Bubs. If you follow your heart then you`ll definately make the right decision.

Short and Sweet. Been there done that. Married at 19, mother of 13 yr. Foster son, moved, housewife, college student, and worked 40 hours a week.
That didn`t split us up. DIFFERENT VIEWS on religion, and child rearing caused the divorce 3 years later.
If you know him, KNOW YOURSELF, and it isn`t anything to do with the physical stuff, go for it.
I know only now that I really didn`t know what I wanted then. I am 24 and getting remarried to a man who treats me wonderfully, and agrees with all my basic views/philosophies of life. The huge difference is we will have God at the center of this marriage.

Marriage is something that you KNOW. Not plan. I ALWAYS thought I would know the man I was going to marry for 10 years before we got married. We met in 1999 and started dating in 2001. Go figure. Keep smiling and have an awesome wedding.

My finace graduated from college this past May and I am graduating from college this semester (Dec. 13th). Then I am marrying, my finace Ryan on February 22nd, 2003.

You arent to young if you have the right information behind you. My wife and I used to scrap like cats and dogs but after going through a few things and getting what id consider the best guide out there we have had a stress free relationship for 2 years now. Everything flows. I liked it so much I put it up on my site for others to have a look at . Http://www.axeman.co.nz reigniting relationships is the link . All the best....Aaron

My parents were married at 17 & 19 years old and 38 years later there still going strong. I got married when I was 17 and it was a disater! After 10 years we fianlly divorced. I look at my oldest daughter who is now 17 herself and I say "My God look at how young she is! What was I thinking by getting married at that age?" I would recommend a long engagement. And get out there and see the world. That is the thing I regret most, not doing anything with my life.

Jodi-
We are having a long engagement! 16 MONTHS! I would not recommend it to anyone!!!!!!!!! :-) We have passed 10 that have gone quickly, so another 6 to go....

Thanks everyone for all your comments-- I can`t believe I`m still getting replies!!!

:-)

Believe me those last 6 months will go by even faster than the first 10. My engagement wasn`t quite as long as yours but it was over a year, and now I`ve been married a little over 2 months. Don`t let yourself get overly stressed in those last few months, the little details of the wedding day aren`t that important it`ll be special no matter what if you`re marrying the person you love and feel God is saying you should spend the rest of your life with. Enjoy the rest of your engegement, you`re only engaged once..you`ll be married the rest of your life.=)

JUST MAKE SURE YOU KNOW YOU LOVE HIM, I WAS ENGAGED FOR 3 1/2 YEARS. AND WE BROKE UP, BECAUSE I NEEDED SOMETIME TO MAKE SURE I LOVED HIM LIKE I NEEDED TO AND I AM SO GLAD THAT WE DIDN`T GET MARRIED, BECAUSE I FOUND TRUE LOVE DURING THAT TIME WE WERE A PART AND NOW I AM SO HAPPY AND I AM GETTING MARRIED NOV. 2002; SO JUST MAKE SURE AND IF YOU DO LOVE HIM I WISH YOU TWO THE BEST GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

Congratulations! Only 6 more months! I recently got engaged to the man I have been exclusive with since 8th grade!!! (Yes, we have been together a long time. Alomst nine years. )Although you are emotionally ready for marriage, are you finacially prepared? If you are both still living at home, you should probably simulate an atmosphere of living by yourself. Young adults don`t realize the strain lack of money can have on a relationship. I don`t know your living situation, but I am almost sure your parents aren`t going to finacially support you once you are married. Just make sure you and your fiance are prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. The little trivial things build up to become huge issues when you are living with each other.(He wants a new CD player and you want to use that money to pay down the credit card bill.) Money seems like such a materialistic issue, and something that shouldn`t even be considered in a marriage. I thought the same thing when I was younger, but as you grow up, you realize that you want a nice house, and a reliable car. You are going to want furniture that doesn`t poke you in the back everytime you sit down. Make sure that you and he are prepared to sacrafice for the same goals, and you will be fine. Good Luck to you!