Don`t Want Father Walking Me Down The Isle

Jen,
We are in the exact same situation. My parents divorced when I was around nine and my father and I do not have a close relationship. I see him periodically for family functions but that is about it. I never had any intention of asking my father to walk me down the aisle. I always thought my brother would do it but he does not approve of my FH so that is out also. I do not have any other man in my life that I feel deserves that precious and to me very personnel moment of walking me down the aisle. Many have suggested that my mother do it but I (and this is just me) don`t like that idea. I have decided to walk myself down the aisle and I`m going to meet my mother at her pew and she is going to then "give" me away.

I told my father that I wasn`t planning on asking him to walk me down the aisle but would still like him to come and have some participation. His answer to me was "I`ll have to think about it, but I wish you all the happiness". I`m sure I hurt my father but he has hurt me many times over the years and this is my moment, my wedding, and I have to do what I feel is right for me.

Don`t feel guilty but you must be able to live with the repercussions. Your father may chose not to attend at all or others in your family may feel you are being selfish. Good luck and I say do what is in your heart!!!

Thanks for the responses....my Mom passed away 12 years ago..I am 33. My Father choose not to come to my Mom`s funeral --they were married 20 some years. I never got over the fact that he didn`t come to my Moms funeral to support me and my brother....so that just adds full to the fire. Plus he is on his 3rd marriage.....I guess my boss has been there for me for 8 years now and is also a great friend of my family. Thats why I asked my boss instead of my Dad. Thanks again for all the input.

Hi Jen! My parents aren`t showing up to my wedding, because I`ve decided to get married in a Protestant church. I was born and raised Catholic, but after entering college, I decided to shift directions and converted to the Wesleyan faith (Methodist.) My parents said they will never forgive me for this. In addition, my father said that after my unblessed marriage to this "heathen" (my fiance), he will never acknowledge me as his daughter, as if I am already dead to him. That is fine with me. To be honest, I never had a great relationship with him, because he used to physcially abuse me when I was young and up till high school. I can even remember the time when he beat me up so bad one night that I couldn`t even walk that I had to be out of school for a few days. I was so relieved after graduation to finally get out of that house. I am asking my professor/mentor to walk me down aisle. And I know that my marriage will be blessed by God. Good luck!

If your father hasn`t lived up to the role of being a father then the position of giving you away isn`t his. Would you want someone you don`t like to bless and accept, on behalf of your family, your union to your husband? I wouldn`t.

I can`t get over it when people tell you to think twice and he`s your father blah blah blah you might regret it blah blah blah. If he hasn`t earned the privlege then he doesn`t get to walk you down the aisle.

If you feel that your boss has been a fatherly role, a mentor, protector, a masculine image that you can look up to then go for it. What about your brother? I would think he could be a better representative of your family. Or, walk down the aisle alone or with your FH...a sign of your first act of your union.

The tradition of having a father walk his daughter down the aisle is for him to "give her away" to her new husband. Basically to give up the duties of taking care of her and loving her.
If a father gave that up years ago or never did it to begin with then why should he be walking her down the aisle and what right does he have to get so damn upset about it?
Or if a girl doesn`t believe that the man in her life (father or husband) takes care of her or owns her then she shouldn`t have to have anyone walk her down the aisle... And people shouldn`t get offended.
Anyway, my point is... It`s your day and you should do what you like and what feels right to you. If anyone gets upset or offended by it or doesn`t come because of it that`s their problem and their immaturity that they should deal with. I definately don`t think you should give that honor to a father who doesn`t deserve it.

Thanks to everyone for all the great advice. I gave my Father the option of coming to my wedding. After all the BS from him about my boss walking me down the isle .....I don`t think I am going to send him an invite now. I can`t deal with the BS anymore. He can`t move on....thats his problem.

I am going to write this little post and probably hear a lot of heck about it but before I begin let me tell everybody this is not advice in any way or telling you what to do this is from experience. Ok, Jen about your dad not being at the funeral I know that it is hard to accept but some people can`t handle that kind of stuff. My aunt passed away 3 years ago and she was my role model and everything well her own daughter who loved her more than life did not cry ANY and didn`t want to go to the funeral. Come to find out that is just how she handles things. She loved her mom with all her heart but at that time it just wasn`t REAL to her. And I guess seeing her mom like that would have made it FINAL in her eyes.
About your dad being married 3 times. I am not making excuses for him. But my parents had divorced years ago. My dad quickly jumped into a new relationship. Well come to find out he told me the other day when I asked him why he was with her he said " I don`t want te alone or to die alone". In his own way staying married just like my mom who is on her 3rd marriage (who also doesn`t want to be alone) they want to find somebody who is there for them because the kids are no longer in the house and with nobody to live with them and being married for 20 years is a big change. Some people REALLY don`t like change. I mean I am not saying ot forgive your dad but I am saying to try and let it pass or talk to him about it. YES, he will get defensive my parents always do. They don`t like me questioning or advising their lives since they are supposed to be the parents advising the kids. I mean I am also not saying to have him walk you down the aisle but you need to think if in the future like when he passes away and no longer is here will you ever regret it? If not, and you can honestly say that then you are making the right decision. If deep down inside you arent sure you really need to think it over. I had problems with my dad about 2 years ago he disowned me and now I am daddy`s little girl again, it is possible to get along but both need to be trying. I had realized I just had to prove a few things to my dad and I have. I am 18 with a 6 month old working full time and attending college full time. We had bouts back in the day over school adn everything which is not the same situation as you but trust me if me and my dad overcame everything than you can but if either one of you doesn`t want to it won`t work. It`s also hard if you guys are like me and my dad and stubborn. I wish you all the luck with your upcoming weddding!!! Whens your date anyways? :)

I think you should be able to have who ever you want walk you down the isle. Afterall, its your wedding and hopefully you will only do it once....so do it your way. I am getting married in July and my best friend is walking me down the isle. He has been there for me through everything. I haven`t spoken to my parents in 8 years. I have 2 kids they don`t even know.... So why should either of them have the honor of walking me down the isle? Its OUR wedding and we`re going to do things OUR way. Nothing else about our 3 year relationship has been normal... Why start now? Good Luck.