Maid Of Honor Is Totaly Dissing The Bride!!!!

I lucked out. I got married on 9/4 and my MOH was incredible, but I know how stressful things can get, and think that you should NOT be putting up with this. Her behavior is completely unacceptable, and it`s not fair to your bridesmaids. They are having the sole responsibility of helping you plan everything, while she should be responsible for much of it herself. She should be honored to be your MOH and I don`t understand why she is making things so difficult for you. There is no excuse for her leaving you to have to guess her size just so you can order your gown.
I wouldn`t wait till the day before your wedding (when she doesn`t show up to your rehersal) to discover that she wants out. I would call her on it NOW! Since she won`t return your calls, I would leave her one last message and simply say..."Since you have had no contact with me, I have to asume you don`t want to be a part of my wedding. If I don`t here from you by (list a SPECIFIC time) I will be forced to replace you."The fact that she will not return ANY of your calls is rediculous. Even if she all of a sudden says she does still want to be in the wedding, I would still rethink her as being you MOH.You could easily have one of the other girls who have been helping you be your MOH. After all, they would DESEVE the honor that position holds. Think about it....a real friend wouldn`t be doing this to you.

Emily, I envy you for having such a great friend. I am now questioning our "friendship" because of her neglectful and inconsiderate behavior. I would sometime think to myself maybe I did something wrong or managed to piss her off since July (even though I haven`t spoken to her since then), but in the end, I realize she`s the one who is wrong for keeping me at a distance. I am her friend, and her family are extremely close friends of my parents and I just don`t want to cause a problem. I thank you for the good advice; I will probably go forward and leave her my LAST message on her phone.

After reading these messages I think I can see why she avoids your calls.

Tiffany,
I think you definitely have to take her out of the Wedding Party.
You are more patient than I would have ever been.
I would have dropped her when you couldn`t get it touch with her to get her measurements. I wouldn`t have ordered the dress for her.
I understand what a difficult position your in but it doesn`t sound like she`s going to show, so I would just give up on her.
As mentioned before, I`d give leave her a message telling her you`ve been trying to get up with her and never have been able to, so you want to know if she`s really going to be in the wedding. Tell her to call you back if she does want to be in the wedding.
Good luck

Thanks Kaytee for the advice. As for the "Ayayayaya" person, I don`t understand why you would post something so negative on a message board for brides seeking some good advice. And how dare you imply that I`m the one to blame for distancing my MOH.

I completely understand how you feel. Your MOH is supposed to be there to help and support you through the entire thing. I would seriously consider replacing her.
If you don`t mind let me vent for a minute. My wedding was palnned for the spring and we postponed until fall. We weren`t sure if we were going to have a wedding party or not or just have a simple family only ceremony and a reception for everyone later. I chose my MOH 3 months before the wedding, a few weeks later she finds out she is pregnant. I told her to find a dress she will fit into and be comfy in in my color choice. 1 month before the wedding she still hadn`t had the time to find one. Keep in mind that she doesn`t work except for 1 day a week, if that, her husband is home with her during the day. Literally, she is alone 1 hour a day with her 1.5 yr old before her 8 year old gets home from school to take care of the baby. Also keep in mind that because of financial issues, to have her and her daughter in my wedding, I had to pay for both dresses and shoes.
She told me she was going to throw me a bachelorette party on tha same day as my Fh to make it easier on both of us. She went on vacation the weekend before and I never heard from her until 5 days after the party date to apologize, and gave me attitude when I had hurt feelings about it. She told me that I was inconsiderate to not understand that she doesn`t have a ton of $$ to throw a party and what was she suppossed to do, give up a family vacation for me? I never asked her to throw it, she volunteered. 3 weeks before the wedding, she still had not found the time to look for a dress so I spent every free minute, which isn`t much when I am working f/t, school f/t, and planning the wedding f/t, looking online to get an idea of what she wanted. She was "too busy" to even check her email. We finally found one, she did not pick up the dress from me to try it on and have it pressed until the day before the wedding. And through the entire ordeal before the wedding she told me i was inconsiderate and selfish for not considering her schedule while planning things like the rehearsal (also my FH`s Bday). At this point she was not working at all, one child is back in school after summer. Her schedule consisted of being home at 3 to pick up her kid from school.I was to schedule to rehearsal earlier for her, even though it would inconvience everyone else.

I also had asked her to help me with the shower invites and RSVP`s. I know I am not supposed to do my own, but my Aunt who was throwing it for me was out of state until 1 week before the party. I waited a week and did them myself. I even set up an email to collect RSVP`s to lighten her load. MY MIL and Aunt tried to get her involved several times with details and she only returned 1 out of 3 calls and then told me after the shower that they were rude to her and never let her help and she didn`t appreciate being the "RSVP Girl"

She told me to let her know if I needed help with anything like favors and such. Everytime I asked her she gave me an excuse, she isn`t coordinated enough for glue and she can`t paint anything either.

She didn`t show up on wedding day until literally 1/2 hour before printed start time.

Needless to say, we have not really talked very much since the wedding. I don`t think we will anytime soon. I have never heard of a MOH expecting a wedding to be scheduled around her. Have you?

Dear Finally Hitched,

I am sorry to hear that you had to "work through" the MOH`s schedule as I currently have to do. I left a msg. On her phone this morning and specifically said that if she did not return my call by Monday evening, I will have to re-consider naming one of the other bridesmaids my MOH and she will not be a part of the wedding party. I`ve already made the mistake of ordering the bridesmaid dress for her (I mean, I`m making it easy for the bridesmaids by buying their dresses & shoes, but it`s still difficult for her not responding to simply give me a dress size) and if turns out that she`s no longer my MOH, I will go ahead and send her the gown, with a simple note stating that I was really disappointed that she could not be my MOH and that I guess she was too busy to be assisting me on the most important day of my life. And no, I have never heard of a MOH who acts like a diva/goddess, especially to the bride.

Wait until she starts planning a wedding....Then, maybe she will understand your frustration and heartache. Don`t let her ruin your fun in planning your special day. Best wishes and good luck:)

Tiffany,
You did the right thing leaving her that message. Though I would not send her anything, sell that dress. Try to get something back for it, or donate it to someone who can use it.
You deserve more. My MOH was wonderful, I was so very lucky. It is almost a year (going to have to change my signature-not so recent anymore) and I still marval at what she did for me! We were best friends in H.S., and since we both went away to college 8 years ago have not lived in the same State, but have managed to stay as close as we were at Graduation. Good Luck to you, and pick someone who will be there for YOU, they should be making this process easier for you not causing you more stress! Good Luck, and let us know if she responds to you. You say your parents are all close, has her Mom mentioned anything to your Mom? It just seems so strange to me!

Hi Recent-Bride! Yes, I believe I did the right thing and you`re right, she doesn`t deserve a freebee gown. I will take up your suggestions and probably donate it. I`ve spoke to her parents and siblings on several occasions, asking why she is not picking up her calls. I mean, she changed her number and didn`t even notify me! I had to get the new # from her family. Her family would tell me that she`s not responding to any of their calls either, but I don`t know what`s really up with her in these past few months. I don`t want to bother my parents with this either, b/c it`s really not their problem. What really confuses me is that my friend and I grew up on the same street togther and were best buds all the way throughout high school. We still kept in touch in our first 2 years of college, up until last summer. Well, I should stop venting.....but thanks again, all of you, for giving me such wonderful advice and I wish you much warmth and happiness in the near and far future with your new husbands!

Is your friend married? Is it a possibility that she is jealous of your happiness? Maybe she is jealous because you are getting married. I don`t know why, but some women who are single and have not had a proposal themselves, get a little jealous of their friends because they want that. I am not making excuses for her, I just think that is why she is avoiding you. Maybe she doesn`t want to be in the wedding because she wishes it were her.

Someone once said to me that our friends are with us during certian moments of our lives, and some may stay with us until we`re ninety years old. And others may fade into the background with time.
Sometimes the best of friends will dissapear over time. I won`t offer advice, but just focus on your future life with your husband and everything else will fade into the background. :)

I can`t believe I`m reading this post! This sounds EXACTLY like what I`m going through. I`m getting married in April and I haven`t talked to my "MOH" since August. I have called and e-mailed her and she doesn`t respond. I know she is getting the e-mail because she has sent me one or two e-mails replying to me about something other then the wedding. So I invited her out to do something that had nothing to do with the wedding and she said she could go at first and then said she just got a second job and wasn`t sure if she could go but would let me know and she never got back to me. I know exactly how you feel. I am going to ask someone else to be in the wedding. Now I just have to find a way to ask my other friend.