Gifts
I know this will be a touchy subject for many people on this site. But I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings...
Having just married a few weeks ago, I was totally surprised that hardly any guests from my husbands side brought a gift - even more surpisingly was that most of the guests were members of his family. Even his parents presented us with NOTHING!!!
I wasn`t expecting to feast my eyes on a mountain of presents - I just didn`t expect ALL the guests to turn up empty handed. I know a wedding isn`t about receiving gifts - but then receiving gifts IS part of a celebration. It`s like celebrating Christmas, somebody`s birthday or even excepting a dinner invitaton without presenting something (a bottle of wine is even considered a gift).
It didn`t bother me at the time, but as I now reflect on it I feel disappointed and wonder why people such as my husbands parents couldn`t find the time to buy us something (no matter how small or cheap). As they say: it`s the thought that counts... I have just finished working out how much money the wedding cost us and though I was fortunate to have my parents helping out - it was still a huge expense for us. It now upsets me to realised now how much money my parents paid out for our wedding and for my husbands parents not contributing to a thing - even though the majority of guests were theirs.
Though no-one is obliged to give a gift - remember that it`s not a matter of expense or greed, but a gift of kindness. Even a congratulation card - an inexpensive piece of celebrational gift that could be presented as a mental reminder of those who came with words of kind wishes. For those who come to ANY type of celebration empty handed, I consider rude and thoughtless. You are not there just for the free food and booze , you are there to take part in a celebration. I`m not selfish or greedy - I`m just a human being with feelings - and now with a thousand questions on why my husbands parents never bothered....
Posted by Tania; updated 10/03/04
Reply
Tania,
Just curious what part of the country are his family from. Honestly I have never heard of NOT giving gifts. I am the first on here to preach you can`t ask for money or any gift, but we all know at least until I read your post that EVERYONE brings a gift to a wedding. What does you husband say? I`m sure growing up he has been to weddings with these people before....were there gifts? And for his parents not to give anything is also strang, I don`t care, anyone can sit down and write a heartfelt note to the couple. STRANGE STRANGE STRANGE.....If you find anything out please share because I am so surprised. There are also etiquette rules concerning gift giving. You can`t ask, but on the other hand if your invited to a wedding weather attending or not you are suppose to send a gift. Don`t dwell on it though, be thankful for your parents and family.
Posted by RecentBride; updated 10/03/04
Reply
RecentBride
My husband is Brazilian so we decided to marry in his country as he came from a large family and had more friends than I to invite... I have been told that this is NOT the Brazilian way and my husband is equally surprise and extremely embarressed. He knows my parents contributed a lot of time and money to ensure our day was how we wanted it. And the majority of the gift-givers were my family members.
I guess I`m more upset for my husband - he feels like he wasn`t important to anyone (especially to his parents and his grandparents!!). Incidently, please if you get time read: MY PERFECT WEDDING - RUINED (28/09). I felt guests never respected my day and ruined it.
If I could have my day again - I would certainly have kept the whole day a low affair and saved my money. I will rememeber this for years to come - it`s just another day to my guests...
Posted by Tania; updated 10/03/04
Reply
Mika
Thank you for your reply. No I didn`t have a bridal shower and no I didn`t register for gifts. We decided to accept graciously whatever our guests chose to give us, as we figured it would be more from the heart...
My husband and I arrived in Brazil bearing gifts for all the family. We also bought gifts to be presented during the speaches. Each gift carefully chosen to reflect our appreciation and love. Just days before our wedding we gave my husbands sister-in-law a gift for her unborn baby and a birthday present for his mother. So they are fully aware of the significance of gift-giving. If I`d known no-one was going to make any effort with gifts, I guess I wouldn`t have spent so much time and effort trapsing around the shops looking for the perfect gifts for them...
I doubt we have anything waiting to be shipped over - there`s been no hint that there is anything to follow. They all seem to be pre-occupied with my new sister-in-laws baby which she had just a few days ago. Besides, my husband is still currently in Brazil and it now seems that our wedding was yesterdays news.
Posted by Tania; updated 10/04/04
Reply
Maggie
Thank you for your reply. No it wasn`t a big or expensive wedding - granted we wanted the perfect wedding, but we skinted and saved, budgeted and cut corners to achieve the style and atmosphere we wanted. As far as I know, everyone was pleased for us and genuinely happy to have been invited. My husbands GREAT granddad, a frail 95 year old - who wasn`t very well, came a long way to be with us. So it was a great honour to have him at the wedding.
My husband can`t understand it either, especially as he`s the first to get married. He was very upset and embarressed. I can only think that his parents had the old fashion view that the brides parents paid for everything, as for the gifts.... That one remains a mystery.
As I conclude, I`d just like to say (in the end) the best gift I could possibly have hoped for was my husband standing there in his tux, smiling at me as I walked down the isle and my family flying out to join us. They were the GENUINE gifts given from the heart and those are the memories I will never forget.
I wish you all good things, if anything - I hope something can be learned from all of this. God Bless.
Posted by Tania; updated 10/04/04
