Etiquette -- Hosting Houseguest-- How To Hand

I will say this, if you are "hosting" their stay at your house, then you put yourself out there to pay for things and be the designated tour guide. It is like hosting a party, you pay for everything and do everything (with or without help). Even though you explained to them your money situation, they are still coming to your house. You would probably do better to tell them to come at a later date as you cannot play host right at this moment . Simply put, if you invited them to stay, then that opened the door to your being their host.

Wow, I would never in a million years EXPECT that from someone I was staying with. If anything I insist on being as independent as possible and paying for the host whenever possible. But to expect someone else to cart me around? It` still seems off to me.

I really thought that offering people to stay at my house, was just that: offering them a place to say.

Anyone else? Or, does Mika have the right idea?

I apologize for the many posts but I want to clarify....

I`ve have several houseguests in the past two years and they are still coming. While I am happy to offer them a comfortable place to stay, some homecooked meals, and get them set up so they can explore my city through the public transit system or car rental, I am becoming more and more relunctant to devote all my time/energy/money/vacation time to showing people around. Is there a polite way to ask that my guests explore the city on their own?

As I mentioned above, I have been asked to take mini-vacation to villages 2-5 hours away. I feel that if a guest would like to do this, than are more than welcome to rent a car and go right ahead. However, it seem a bit pressumptious for them set this up and expect me to drive without asking me first. After all, 5 hours away is no longer showing my hometown, it`s showing them another area altogether.

What are my responsibilities and at what point is it considered rude to bow out of certain activities?

Honestly, I`m starting to feeled used.

Thank you so much!

Soapy,
I would think that providing someone a nice, comfortable place to stay for free with nice home cooked meals is more than enough.
When I visit people and they offer me a place to stay I don`t expect anything more. In fact I don`t even expect them to do all the cooking.
I`m sure if your guests care about you they`d understand if you explained that you can`t take time off work to drive 5 hours to show them around. I think that providing them with directions or brochures and information to help them out would be plenty.
If someone opens their house to me I`d never expect them to inconvenience themself, just to help me with the information about the place that I don`t have.

Seems to me Hostess and Tour Guide are 2 different things...you are not running a B & B...YOU are NOT on vacation...I would simply explain to the upcoming guests and ALL future guests that while they are welcome to stay at your home you are quite busy (this is not your vacation) and they will be left to their own devices....for heaven`s sake, if I am a guest in someone`s home I take THEM to dinner. They should be grateful for free lodging..I would make myself less accommodating to these folks (after all.. YOU did NOT invite them, they invited themselves)..it sounds as though this is becoming a real problem..maybe cook one or two dinners..then let them be on their own. Get together maps, ideas etc. And hand them the packet when they walk in..the rest is up to them..let them know "the Cruise DIrector" has retired to live her own life ;0)

Actually, Mika is correct because you used the word host. When you are the host of a baby shower, party or hosting a trip, you pay for some if not all of the things needed for the party, see to it that you guests are taken care of, having a good time and comfortable. Sad to say when you state that you are a host, you are just that. You host their stay, however, you do not have to take a mini vacation to do that. As a host, you provide them with a place to stay, warm meals you can offer to tell them nice places to go during their stay but you do not have to go with them. As a host, they should in turn not expect you to do things for them. You did it for one so the rest are expecting it as well. Stop it now. Don`t allow them to overrun your finances and your generous offer. If you look up etiquette for hosting, you will see that it states almost close to what Mika is saying but as I said, don`t let it go overboard. You stop it now.

I agree with Jane, you asked about the etiquette of the host and that is the answer that Mika gave to you. The host does see to it that the guests have a good time and a comfortable stay. You kind of set yourself up for an "I want that too" situation when you went the extra step and took time off to become tour guide. You didn`t have to do that. You did that because you felt you had to do it so now they feel like you are host of the year. They went back and told others what you did for them and now you set yourself up for all of your family to want that type of treatment. I agree with Jane, STOP IT NOW!!!! These family members really shouldn`t expect you to do this. I have been host to family members who came to visit but here is the difference, they came from London. I took them around because they were not from the states and I wanted to show them places that they didn`t have a chance to see. They did it for me when I went to visit with them so I returned the favor. I took them to New York to the towers ground, stature of liberty, and shopping and lunch with a show at night. I took them to the Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross house and Ben Franklins house and the Spirit of Philadelphia dinner cruise in Philadelphia but this was what I wanted to do for them. I had this planned for months and I asked them where they wanted to go. I didn`t do this because I felt that I had to, they had shown me a great deal of kindness when I visited them and I wanted to do the same for them. When my family comes from out of town and they live in the states, I offer them maps, brochures and tell them how to get to different things. Also, my family members were kind enough to know my finances. They didn`t expect me to do everything. I am glad for family who knows and are sincere to my feelings. It seems a little selfish of your family to expect you to do this just because you did it for one. You have to stop that before your house becomes a vacation home for your family. It isn`t fair for them to expect you to do that.

Hello-- Wanted you to know that the weekend was survived but it`s definitely strained some relationships. The whole time I felt so rude for opting out of stuff. One person in this group will never be invited back. I`m shocked--completely shocked at how stressful this was for me when a few kind words a different attitude could have prevented all of it.

Think twice before allowing people to stay at your house.