My Perfect Wedding Ruined…

No matter what, you are with the man that you chose. You should not have allowed these people to upset you on the "happiest" day of your life. As for presents, guests have up to a year to give you something and even if they don`t, that is no reason to invite people to a wedding, no matter the tradition. No one has to buy you a wedding gift, it is nice for brides to receive one but no one has to give you one. As for the seating and other things, your maid of honor and/or coordinator should have handled that. The officiant, you can let them know your feelings but truth be told, the day is over and no matter what, if you came from your wedding day with terrible memories, then you missed the point and reason for that day. I know that it is very frustrating and it is probably hard for you to see this because you had this "perfect" day planned and it didn`t turn out the way you had hoped. You have your husband and that is the best thing that happened on that day so it could not have been that bad. I am really sorry that your day did not go as planned but I pray that you do have a happily ever after.

I guess the real reason I got upset was that my husband and myself spent endless hours everyday preparing for our wedding with little or no help. I married in Brazil with just a handful of my family the majority of guests being of my husband. I didn`t have a grand or expensive wedding - granted, it WAS expensive getting married in a foreign country - I had to hire a notary to sort out the legal stuff and each document cost £££. It was difficult and stressful enough before we even started on the details. I followed examples of other people on the site and read endless books to cut corners. My husband and I are far from loaded, but we still wanted to create the perfect wedding (or at least perfect in our eyes). I guess a wedding co-ordinator would have ensured everything went as planned, but we just couldn`t afford one so planned everything ourselves. We discussed every little detail with our families and assigned roles to everyone. It was very simple and everything should have gone as planned.

Both myself and my husband was upset becuase of all the hard work, late nights and expense we`d put into ensuring our wedding day was perfect - not just for our guests - but for us too. We wanted to create the right atmosphere - not just another `party`. This was our special day, one we wanted everyone to take very seriously. The band, buffett woman and waiters sympathised with us and helped rectify the problems. If it wasn`t for them I would have already left. I`m sure in time I will look back and laugh. I`m certainly looking forward to seeing our video - I`m sure there are lots to laugh about. I`ll say this for sure I AIN`t GETTING MARRIED AGAIN (much to the relief of my husband!!!).

In the end we DID created the perfect wedding - just unfortunately, we didn`t create the perfect guests...

For all those still planning your weddings - do it for yourselves and not your guests. In the end it is you who will remember the day most (not your guests).

I completely understand what you are saying.
Your day WAS ruined. I don`t think people understand unless they`ve been through something similar.
These other posters think they`re giving compforting advice when saying..."the only thing that matters is the marrying the one you love."
They have to know that that`s not the only thing that matters or else they would be running down to the local courthouse instead of using this site to help plan their wedding.
It is true that`s the point of marriage but that`s not the point of a wedding! The wedding is the celebration of marriage and we all want that day to be perfect even though we understand it probably won`t be.
However, you`re right you`re day was far from perfect. I feel very sorry for you and I understand what you`re saying let me tell you what happened at my wedding.
I spent days writing the perfect cermony..I love to write so I wrote some parts and pieced others together so our entire ceremony/vows would be unique. The preacher obviously only read through the 10 pg. Script once or twice he botched the whole thing, he couldn`t even pronounce some of the words!! That wasn`t the worst part though. We provided a nursery for children 5 and under, even put that in the invites. However, there were more babies in the audience than in the nursery. One cried during the entire ceremony. My husband and I were so angry. I swear I was getting ready to come down the aisle and snatch that kid. I cried during the majority of the ceremony for that reason!! It made me so mad. I knew there would be things that would go wrong beyond my control. But I thought I could control babies during the ceremony, obviously not!!
Ok, so then we head over to the reception after taking pictures. EVERYONE HAS ALREADY EATEN!! UGH! My MIL told the DJ to announce that dinner was ready. So by the time we get there people are telling us goodbye instead of greeting us. When we entered the room and were announced noone even paid attention. We immediately went into our "1st dance" and noone seemed to notice besides the dj and photographer. Long story short, it turned out to be the shortest reception EVER! I think the wedding lasted longer than the reception! I mean we got there around 8pm and were out of there by 9:00pm.
So what I`m trying to say is yes you do have a reason to be upset. I`m so sorry this happened. Who knows maybe you can renew your vows in 10yrs or so and have a re-do!

You`re right I`d rather have a "disaster" wedding than no marriage at all.

I sympathize with these horror stories to the best of my ability. However, believe me that is very far from what my post was discussing.

I was just saying that getting married and having a wedding have two different connotations.

Basically, I only posted to give this message....
It really aggrivates me when people argue that the only thing that matters on your wedding day was whether or not you married the love of your life.
That`s NOT TRUE or everyone would just run down to the JP. Right?
We had a wedding to commemorate and celebrate our marriage. Our parents as well as ourselves shelled out $$$ to ensure everything went well. It didn`t...we didn`t get our monies worth! I didn`t spend endless hours planning to have everything ruined by a screaming kid, blubbering minister, or rude guests. But it happened and I have the right to be upset.
It`s not like I think about it everyday.
It`s just that this post rang a cord with me. I know what the original poster is going through.
It bothers me that I can barely look back on my wedding day without being sad.

That said, PLEASE don`t think I`m trying to dishonor any other couples who have had worse weddings or terrible circumstances that have led to no wedding at all. I`m sorry for your troubles and know that these terrible circumstances are much worse than mine.

I just wanted to let the original poster know that it is ok to be upset by her wedding`s mishaps, just don`t dwell on it...like I said maybe you can make up for it later.

Been There - thank you so much for your post, I`m glad someone understands what I mean. You`re right, unless people have been there no-one can sympathise. And it makes me mad too when people say I should be grateful I `married` my husband...

Mika - I AM truely grateful that I married my husband - that part was perfect. Seeing him standing there in his tux smiling at me as I came down the isle was the happiest moment of my life. Believe me, I know I am lucky - I nearly lost him in a bike accident so I know when I am lucky. I was just letting off steam - I was extremely upset, dissapointed and angry that months of planning and stressing was ruined by mindless guests who treated our day as nothing. Unfortunately, I am only human and I can`t help how I felt on that day. I am sure if your sister`s fiance hadn`t been tragically killed, she too would have been upset if her wedding had been ruined. Unfortunately, she will never know how I felt - likewise I will never know how she is feeling now, and for that I am also grateful.

Please, my post is for others who are stressing over their planning to relax and think of themselves. As I said: it will only be you who will remember that day forever - your guests wont...

I stressed over my wedding to the last detail. I wanted this day to go uneventful and what do you know, someone brought their children there and I was livid. I stated Adult Reception, didn`t include "& Family", I did everything that etiquette stated. For heaven`s sake the wedding was at night so I figured that these idiots would keep their babies home in the bed. Candle light wedding & Adult Reception was in bold print. They still brought their children. My wedding coordinator informed me before the ceremony (I thank her to this day) about the person bringing their children (note that means more than 1). I told her that I was not pleased. She went to the family member and told them nicely, "the bride & groom loves your children but they are not invited to the ceremony..." Granted, they were pissed off and had the nerve to ask to see me?!?!? Are they kidding? I didn`t care that she was family and the children are family that I love, when I say no I do not want your children there, then I mean just that. Why should my parents pay $125 per person for a kid who was not going to eat passed the first course or just waste the food? Why should I sacrifice a well planned day for a kid screaming his head off having a tantrum (as her twins always do)? They are allowed to walk around and terrorize patrons at restaurants when we have family dinners after church at restaurants because they are expressing themselves and you shouldn`t keep them caged up in the highchairs. It is a bother. We were already late getting started, the florist was still not finished decorating the church and 1 bridesmaid was late due to the seamstress last minute mess up. I didn`t want to hear a dam thing from anyone regarding their children when I told them no in the first place. (Can you tell that I can feel the rage coming back just thinking about it?) I was very grateful marrying my husband and am thankful that nothing drastic happened where I did not have my wedding but I was still very upset and I had a right to be. Just as your sister (Mika) had a right to be upset as her day did not happen. But this is like comparing apples and oranges, it`s all fruit but different. Yes every bride is happy to marry their fiance, they look to this being their dream day (the start to better things so to speak) but no bride looks forward to the guests ruining their day much less the MIL or their own parents. Yes you have a right to be upset as I did and no matter what, I am thankful every day for marrying my husband but I was still pissed off beyond all recognition. Your sister`s situation as well as the others that you mentioned was not ruined because of the guest, MIL or anyone else at the wedding or during the wedding so please understand (I think you did because you kind of told her yes you have a right to be upset but it could have been worse). That is like me telling your sister right at that moment, it was his time to go, no matter how true, no one wants to hear those words while they are going through something.