More Then You Bargin For....

Maybe the weekend you are having your wedding is a weekend he is scheduled to have his child. Apparently you are having children at your wedding so why is one more that big of a deal? They don`t eat much and don`t take up alot of room. Don`t make a huge issue out of this .

I totally understand that point, but its the way that she wrote it on the response card. Also, they have already asked a lot from us that we have done. She boldly came out and asked if her child could be in my wedding! I was floored - so, we did that and now its this. The other problem, is that we don`t have any where to sit her. The reception site only allows a max of 10 at a table having her makes 11.

Patricia, the best thing would be for you to accomodate this extra child. It`s awful to exclude a child from a family event, this child, although from a previous marriage is not to be seen as an intruder. It`s your fiance`s sister, not a cousin or a friend! They are family! Don`t you think this child would feel sad knowing that the other kids are attending, but he/she can`t? I`m sure they can find ONE extra place! If you didn`t want this child in your wedding, you could have given a polite decline. Instead of being upset now. Think about it, if you were ever in that situation would you like your child, whether your own or not be excluded? probably not

It was wrong for you to invite their whole family and exclude one child. That`s very insulting and hurtful. Just because it`s not her biological child, it`s still her stepdaughter and she is still one of the children in the family. You can`t invite two of the children and leave out their third sibling. And like someone else says, this is your groom`s sister, not some distant cousing. You want to start out making family feuds even before the wedding? You have the opportunity to make it right and just accomodate the one child. I don`t really buy an excuse that you can`t make one extra seat. Just apologize to them and tell them it was an awful oversight but of course she is invited too!

Its more then just, letting ONE more person come to the wedding. We went from wanting no kids at the wedding to 11 of them. This one more child will be flown up from North Carolina (we live in PA) just to attend this wedding. She comes 1 time to visit, every other year. Thats it.
My fiancés parents made a the choice to not have her attend the wedding, not me.

We are 105 per person and we are 167 people. My parents are paying for it all, his parents have not once offered a dime. We are both so upset with having to accommodate his family. My fiancés is just as upset as I am about this. The other thing is that his sisters have not once called and asked us if there was anything they could do for us with the wedding, not once. They both got married by the justice of the piece and we both feel like that they are trying to have the wedding they never had at our wedding. They have both came out and asked us bluntly is their children could be in our wedding. I thought that was rude. My response was that we did not want to have children in our wedding, and they said well we think that you have our children in the wedding. Again, I am thinking is all so rude.

Whether or not a child comes to visit 1 time a year or 100 times a year, the child should still have been invited in the first place if the others were invited. I understand that you wanted no children to begin with, but since you did invite the other children then you really should have invited this child as well. In today`s world of blended families kids have it hard enough as it is, they need people to be adults about things and welcome them into their families as if they are their biological relatives. It was flat out rude of you to not include the child`s name on the invitation (even if the child couldn`t come and you knew that, the name still should have been included). As far as complaining about the price per person and having to add another head to that count, that is really your own choosing, no one forced you to pay a rediculous amount of money on your wedding. As far as the grooms parents not offering to help, while i find it to be in bad taste to not offer to help if they can, it is really not their responsibility (etiquitte wise), it is viewed more as a very generous gift if they do offer to help. You do have one valid reason to be upset and that is the rude manner in which your future sisters-in-law asked you to have their kids in your wedding, that was rather inappropriate, but really you should just let it go, it`s not that big a deal and not worth letting yourself get upset or stressed about it. If nothing else it will add a touch of cuteness to your wedding. It`s your day and you should enjoy it. Don`t let things that aren`t disastrous ruin it for you.

Image how you would feel if you got the response back the way I did. Why did she pick up the phone and call us and talk to us about it??? WHY? I would have been more okay with it rather then reading it. I got the response on a Monday and that Saturday before was my wedding shower. She was there -- why didn`t she say anything then!

And to Traci - I do not know where you are getting married by in PA where I am from 105 is a cheap price for a wedding. I shopped around, trust me.

Thank you! I feel that same way -- I would never ask for the money from his faimly but it wouls have been nice ot offer!

A$$ out, you sound pretty ghetto to me. Anyways, Patricia, why are you complaining about money for an extra plate, when it`s not coming out of your own pocket. If I were your parents I wouldn`t have paid for any of it with your attitude, you sound like a spoiled woman that needs to grow up! Why isn`t your fiance the one speaking to his sister regarding this issue! If he`s so upset, why doesn`t he just outright come out and tell her that he`s sorry but you can`t afford the extra plate. And if they want to bring the child they have to pay for it. I wonder who will be more embarrassed at the end?????

I guess you could say I was "spoiled" if that makes you happy.....I dont care for your opinion. Thanks for the offer but you can keep it!

Anyway....My fiancé does not get along with his sisters - they do not have a relationship. He even said to me, before this happened, that he does not think that they will even speak after the wedding. We have been together now for 9 years and ever since we started going out, I have "made" him go to all the family gathers - we even buy present for all 11 children on b-days and holidays. I have been hearing now for the past 9 years, that my b-day card from his sisters is in the mail. I have NEVER gotten one.
On the other side, his family completely adores me as I adore them. But this did not start with me, my fiancés parents were the ones who did not want this child there - not me. And yes, it could have been much easier resolved if his sister picked up the phone and called us and asked.

Patricia or Peggy, I think you`re the same person. Now you`re getting pretty petty about stuff. First of all no one forces you to buy gifts for anyone, and I believe that you should always give without expecting something in return. You don`t seem to like your future sister in law, so why are you making a big deal about not getting a b-day card from her???? Since she didn`t pick up the phone to ask if it was ok to bring an extra person, then you should take the initiative and call her or have your fiance call her and explain the situation, tell her that you just can`t accomodate an extra person! I think you`re mad at the comments made because you yourself feel that you`re making a big deal over one small child! Imagine if you would of had a child from a previous relationship, how about if you wanted that child in your wedding but your fiance was dead against it? how would you feel? It doesn`t matter that this child doesn`t share the same blood as your fiance`s sister, she sees this child as her own, so you should accept it as well. Good luck and God bless you!

Peggy, you seem to come up with any excuse that you possibly can not to include this child. As much as you don`t want to do the right thing, do it anyway. By constantly trying to justify reasons for not including this child, you`re just creating more stress for yourself and the rest of the people involved. Take the high road and be done with it.

What is your address, I will send the money for the child to attend and maybe you can just move one person from that table to another and allow the child to sit with her family. You obviously have your reasons for not wanting to do this and I will not try to figure it out but I believe that the child is apart of her family so you should have her there. Please give me your e-mail address and you can send me your address and I will fund that child`s plate. Although I really dislike when people do that on an invitation, this is someone who is apart of that family and should have been included on the invitation. It isn`t like inviting a co-worker to a wedding or a friend and they bring 1 or 2 extra people with them. This is a child who is apart of the "and family" so I am guessing they included the child because of that. I don`t judge you in the least but I will help you pay for the child.

Its not about the money -- my parents have the money.

Its about the lack of respect that his sister did not show us. I guess I should have been more specific in a little bit of a background on his sister. She is not a good person and everyone, even the my future mother and father in-law feel the same way. She is rude and would rather go out and have drink then pay her electric bill and get her power shut off! And then at that point, she goes back to her moms and statys there until she can get the billed payed.

So now I guess at this point, its more personal then anything. But we are having this child at the wedding.

Patricia,

I know you are frustrated...I think I would be, too. You are not in the wrong for not wanting children at your wedding, you were probably trying to keep things elegant and formal. And you are entitled to want your wedding to be the way you have dreamed it would be. I know, I am in the same boat right now. We didn`t want any children there at all, but 2 of my 4 brothers are married with children (8 in all) and that`s not including the children of the siblings on hubby`s side of the family! BUT - after thinking it through, the most important things in life are not found in the details, so let this one go. I promise you, you will regret it if you hang on to this....it will be a thorn in your side and a blemish on your beautiful day! Just embrace the change in plans and welcome this child with open arms. You will be the bigger and better person for it. And more than that, your conscience will be clear. Is you future SIL tacky??? You bet! And rude to boot! She handled the whole situation in an infantile manner. But think of it this way, if she`s like that in her relationship w/ you and her brother, she`s like that with other people, too. Now, is that something you want to be associated with in any way? NO! Your wedding is so close, and alot of what you`re feeling is just being overwhelmed with all that`s going on. From the outside looking in, it`s not worth a second thought. You have much more important things to focus on. So, crowd 1 more chair around that table for ten, no one will mind...who cares if they do...call your sister in law and let her know how happy you are that all the children will be able to attend and celebrate your maturity with a nice massage! Happy wedding, girl...good luck!

More and more excuses. Now your justification for only inviting 2 out of the 3 children is that your sister doesn`t pay her bills. Stop it already.

And if you really want to talk about rudeness, then you should at least acknowledge the fact that your decision to omit one of her children and include the rest was the first rude act.

I don`t thing Peggy is rude at all. Since her FH agreed that this child wasn`t to be invited and the child only visits every other year and this isn`t the year, I wouldn`t have included them on the invite either. The way the sister handled this is ridiculous. Because she is family and not just a distant friend, it does require a phone call or even saying something at the shower. The way I see it is that she knew better, but didn`t care which is why she kept her mouth shut when she was at your shower and chose to mail it in. But one question, if she can`t afford to pay her bills, how is the child being flown in? And if your future inlaws agree, why aren`t they doing more to help you out with this?
But regardless of how rude she is, it doesn`t even matter. You won`t be spending much time with either of them on your day, so it will be easier to pretend it isnt even happening. We all have those family members that we wish we didn`t have to include, but to keep peace we have to grin and bear it. Be happy this is only one day and you will never have to go through it again. If it makes you feel better, tell her off after the wedding. Call her up and let her have it, I would. Good luck and congrats.

That above is terrible advice I think. Why do people always want to make mountains of molehills. Why not just let it go because it really wasnt such a big deal to begin with. In the end this is one small thing that doesn`t matter. I just can`t belive how people actually turn something so small into such a big messy thing. To the bride, there are more important things to concentrate for your wedding, I think you should just move on.