Children At Reception

Be very specific on your invitations on whom you are inviting. Also, it may help that the bride or groom personally invite the couple and explain that it is an wedding for adults only.

Even this may offend some parents. The Bride and groom must then be prepared for their response.

The bride and groom have no responsiblity towards providing childcare. The only people invited are those named specifically on the invitation. No children`s names or no "and family" means they are not invited. Invited adults wanting to attend who will need a babysitter for the evening are obligated to find and fund one themselves.

My Husbands Brother is getting married and we have to travel 3 hours to the wedding. Our 3 children are not invited to the Church nor Reception.
We are expected to stay over night (my husband is a grooms man, ceremony is at 4pm) and no childcare is available at the hotel.
I cannot leave my kids alone in a hotel nor can I leave them for 2 nights with a sitter. It would cost us a fortune.
I believe that if they truely wanted us at this wedding the children should have been invited.
We will not be attending and many people are amazed by our decision.

It is not WRONG to not want children at your wedding. I will be addressing the envelopes to only those invited but I will also be putting Adult Reception to follow on the invite. You will more then likely offend some but you can`t keep everybody happy. I do not blame the other poster for not attending the wedding in which she couldn`t get a sitter. You may have some people in the same situation so be prepared.

Childcare is never the responsibilty of the couple, it is a problem for whomever the children belong to. There is also nothing wrong with not wanting kids at your wedding, just like the fact of the which adults made it on to your guest list was your choice, so it the choice for children or not. Although children don`t usually eat much, they do take up space at tables, and can get bored or hyped up on the free Cokes and get out of hand.
The proper rules are, you are not supposed to include it on your invite and only address the invites to the invited adults.
But I do not agree with this. I assumed everyone would get it by the addressed envelopes, their children weren`t invited, nor were token dates (not part of a couple, just someone used for one occasion). We do not have a large space for tables or a ton of $$ to provide food and beverages for people we don`t know.
Out of the 100 invites that included either parents or a single guest, only 2 people followed the rules and replied correctly. I had to make over 50 phone calls concerning to disinvite the uninvited (does that make sense?) Not very many of them were nice about it either. Many declined to come at all (I assume from embarassment of knowing they were jerks), and almost every one of them said it should have been printed on the invite or RSVP card. Considereing travel arrangements had already beenmade and so on.

I think you may offend a small amount of people by printing in on the invite, but it will still be a smaller amount than if you have to speak personally to these people and tell them their dates/children weren`t invited and therefore aren`t welcome and can`t come.

But if you have the room, you could set up a kids table with activities and such for them, it will keep them busy and out of your hair.

I am allowing children at our wedding. It`s only fair I think since I`m having the little flower girls and ring bearer. I would have to have them at the reception also, besides I have two children of my own, 3 and 8 and my fiance has an 8 year old son as well, so if we have ours we would have to allow other`s to bring their kids as well. I think most people will not bring their kids anyways, since weddings are like dates for many where it`s time they can have away from their kids.

We are getting married this October and we are not inviting any children, except those in the wedding. I had the reception cards printed to say "Adult Reception Immediatley Following Ceremony". We have gotten a few unhappy parents, but we have stood our ground. You`ll need to do the same, so be prepared. Hope this helps! :)

Do reception halls charge the same for kids meals? If so, that could be a very costly invitation: If you`re paying $100 a person, one couple with 2 kids will cost you $400. Ouch!

In our case yes the hall charges the same for children as adults. We are also having an open bar and would have to pay that charge for children also.

Well, that helps make my decision re. Kids at the reception. Surely married couples with Kids remember back when they planned a wedding.. Hey, it`s your party... If they can`t make it, you`re still going to have a great time with all your other "adult" guests (boy do i sound mean? HA!) thanks for the input!

Karen, we are in the same boat. To make it worse, we (as close friends) weren`t informed of the "no children" at the wedding or reception until 4 weeks before the wedding.
These are close friends and we have known them since before they were engaged. We have been openly talking about all aspects of their wedding from the beginning (including input on the ring!). The couple had tons of time ahead of time to tell us at any point over the last year or more about the "no kids" and we are bothered by them waiting til the last minute. They did only address the invite to us (not our children), but honestly, I didn`t even look (or think to look at that) since we are such close friends. Also, my husband and I have never been to a no child wedding in all 14 years we`ve been together--it wouldn`t even have occured to us that someone would do this. That bothers us too, that they wouldn`t think inviting us AND our child would be as important as attending the wedding. A wedding without children isn`t one we would want to go to--kids and family are what weddings should be about.

Angel,
You may believe that kids and family are what make a wedding and when you had your wedding that was your perogitive. But today as many couples are paying for their own weddings it can be quite expensive to add the expense of everyone`s children. Not to meniton not everybody wants to see a bunch of kids running around. What is cute to some is annoying to others. If these "friends" of yours our as close as you say they are then you should try to respect their wishes. If not then by all means do not attend.

Having children at the ceremony/reception is a touchy subject. Some folks will be very offended and probaly not talk with you for months. I am renewaling my wedding vows and thought about no children at the wedding. If I did that.... I wouldn`t be able to invite my own kids. I guess each sitituation is different and you/your future husband has to deal with all the after affects later in your life/marriage.

Much congrats as I am celebrating 20 years!

Debbie from Georgia

I am having the same problems with kids at the wedding or reception. We made our decision and then we told people (they have over a years notice) but some of them aren`t talking to me anymore and my own sister said she wouldn`t come to the wedding.
Here is my situation - I don`t live near any kids, are never around kids, and personally am not a very kid friendly person, infact I am not even sure we want kids. So it makes sense that we don`t have kids attending the wedding (by the way when I am saying kids I mean 0-7 years old) they are gonna cost more, they are gonna be messy and get things dirty, they are gonna make scenes and I am not used to that at all and personally don`t think it would be "cute"
I knew that we would upset people, but I didn`t know how stressful that it would be. I think that people should be able to respect other people. I understand that I don`t know what its like to have kids or to be a mother, but why can`t they understand what its like not to have kids and why we made this decision. Anyway so now were re-wedding planning and trying to make a compromise. I still am not having them at the church, not at the meal, but when the party starts then they will come into play. As for sitters my thoughts were we would hire a few people to be in the hotel room, gather all the kids and order them macdonalds or something, so that is something we would bring in to our budget.
Anyway thats my 2 cents worth. I would like to tell you to do what you want to do and it will be ok but I`m rethinking everything now so that advice would be useless coming from my mouth

I love kids and I`m having them in my train and at my wedding. However that is my decision to make. Its the bride n groom`s day and I dont understand why people cant respect that. U cant please everyone and u dont want to look back on your day with regret/resentment. Amanda, if your sis isnt coming, no offence but i think she`s quite inconsiderate. Not being "kid friendly" doesnt make u a bad person.
That said, if you go to a restaurant, club etc u get a baby sitter and dont expect the place to look after urs. Same as a wedding - its not the bride/groom`s responsibility, its the parents. People should realise that nobody is obliged to invite kids, just as u`re not obliged to accept all invites.

I have 24 direct cousins, siblings and nieces and nephews under the age of 12. THis is just my side as my fiance `s family does not appear to have any small children as of yet. The hotel offers a discount rate of 40% of the adult meal to feed the children, but suggests 5-6 rooms be rented with childcare people in each to care for the children. Total cost for food, rooms and 5 rental nannys is $1780. Given that we were able to put together the rest of the wedding arrangements for 85 adults for about $6200 this extra expense seems outrageous. I am planning on including those children in the wedding party (6) and providing for them only. Everyone else I will give the name of the temp nanny agency. I know this may anger some of my guests, but I am sure that they would feel as though their gift was not as nice a gift if it had to be used to cover the cost of children`s accomodations. If a couple does have children, I would like to think the gift would reflect that inclusion.