RIGHT OR WRONG?
Ok I quess I just need some advise or maybe just venting but... Ok so we have been planning the wedding for 8 mths now and one of my bridesmaid has know about having to pay for her own dress. Well just has been holding me back for ordering because she will not get fitted. SO I called her and told her that if the dress was not ordered by next Thursday she will have to out. See we have to order all at the same time and if we order by Friday the will not get here till September. The wedding is in Oct 15th!! So, she calls yesterday and tells me she quit her job and she no longer can afford to by the dress --oh this is his sister-- So I said unfortnaly you cant be in if thats the case bc I cant wait any longer. So his mom calls and wants me to pay for her dress, hair, shoes ect. NO WAY. The mom has not even given me a dime toward the wedding so I dont feel I just do what she says. Besides the other girls have saved on the dresses on on order--pending. I did not want her in it to begin with I was even having a friend there just to keep me calm. So since she backed out I asked the other girl and she said yes. Now the mom is pissed at me and not making my life very easy right now. Should of I done something different? I def. Cant afford one more expense. The family doesnot know that I have a back up plan--yet. Any ideas on how to handle it. And thats for listing!
Posted by s; updated 07/17/04
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Traditionally, when an attendant agrees to be your bridesmaid, bestman, usher, etc, it is an unspoken understanding that they will pay for their own wedding attire. However, if it proves difficult for for one of them to handle this expense, it`s courteous for you to offer to pay for it yourself - it is afterall, your wedding!
Saying that - it is YOUR wedding and YOU choose who you want to be part of it. If you don`t want her to be bridesmaid or if she is being unreasonably unhelpful - then dump her. Wedding plans are stressful enough without the added strain. Even if the in-laws are not happy - so what, you have every right to do it your way.
Good Luck!
Posted by Tania; updated 07/17/04
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Your future mother in law did the wrong thing by asking that you pay for the dress. She should have taken care of her own daughter`s dress if she was that concerned about it.
Posted by Leah R.; updated 07/18/04
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YOU DO NOT PAY FOR HER DRESS, if she quit her job then she obviously didnt care about being in your wedding, you dont just up and quit when there are financial obligations. YOu do not pay for any b/m hair or shoes etc. You take them out to dinner (rehersal) and generally give them a thank you gift thats it and buy their bouquets... SHe is lame and prob wont even give you a gift. You have too much to pay for and she should understand....
Posted by sara; updated 07/18/04
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Thank you so very much! I feel much better in my decision. I just feel she is VERY unreliable and it scares me to think she is in it --I can see it now--late the wedding ect. She did not even want to go with me to the bridal shower b/c its in another town but opt to drive everyone. Again thanks to all.
Posted by s; updated 07/19/04
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The bride should not be expected to pay all the wedding party`s expenses. Its not really fair. Maybe you could offer just to pay for the shoes or something. You shouldn`t have to buy this girl`s dress.
Posted by Nadia; updated 07/19/04
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I am paying for all my bridesmaids dresses, hair, etc. No, I don`t have a lot of money, but I look at it as my wedding, my expenses. My BM`s do so much for me, this is the least I can do for them.
Posted by Sarah; updated 07/19/04
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S,
I was wondering what your FH thougt about kicking his sister out of the wedding. I can`t say I blame you we brides have enough stress and adding an unreliable bridesmaid shouldn`t have to be one of them. I`m just more curious because if you FH doesn`t have a problem kicking his sister out then that should be all that matters. Who cares with your future mother-in-law thinks.
Posted by janine; updated 07/20/04
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No he is not upset at all. He even told his mom "Look you have not offer to help with anything so I feel she has every right to kick her out" He also said you know my fiance and they weddings go and she has a deadline we gave you all plenty of time for this. He is very supportive in my desision. Thanks for listing!
Posted by S; updated 07/20/04
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Be strong .... I ended up paying for three of my bridesmaids dresses, getting paid back in full for one, half of the other and none of the last. Dont let her walk over you !!! If she doesnt wear the dress she is in the wave of happy people watching you instead of standing by you. Dont be a dunce like me!
Posted by Lee; updated 07/22/04
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This is your wedding and everyone nows that the girls pay for their own dress and if the mom was so concerned she should of OFFERED TO PAY FOR IT HERSELF.....
Just dont worry about the things that are going to be said and the grutches that they will hold against you this is your special time and no one should ruin it for u....u were right asking someone else......
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS U....
Janet
Posted by janet; updated 07/22/04
