Declining A Wedding Invitation

To be perfectly honest, I`d decline by tossing it right into the garbage. If your co-worker inquires if you`re attending or not, simply tell her `no`.

I would however send a wedding card to her congratulating her on her marriage - I wouldn`t give her a penny though.

Just don`t go. I wouldn`t. You don`t owe her any money, that`s for sure!

I would line out the 1 and put 0 and return it. You don`t want to stoop to her level. So return the response card. I would send a card and sign you and your husbands names, I would not send a gift. I really can`t believe these people requesting cash for their gift. It is SO tacky, and then to top it off not to include your husband that is just BAD!

I use to feel offended (and may people do) when an RSVP states "1 seat reserved". I also did not appreciate when I received an invite that asked for money. However, I have changed my view on both now that I am getting married and planning a wedding. Weddings are very expensive and people need to understand that. HOWEVER, there are polite ways to state such phrases as "1 seat reversed" or "money gifts"- its not what you say, its how you say it.

Julie,
I beg to differ with you, there is not a nice way to request money, be it in a well, in a poem, or just begging for the dough. And also if one is married or living with a significant other they should be invited with their partner. It is not your guests problem how much weddings cost, it is yours and you should plan the Wedding that you can comfortably afford. Scale back your list if you cannot afford to have spouses there. I think this crap about it is my wedding day I can do what I want is so wrong. Good etiquette=good upbringing. Thanks Mom for raising ME the right way!

Amazing how you think that`s a reflection of "good up bringing". Wow, I should really take your advise!!

I got some advice for you and others that sound just like you....loosen up a bit and don`t be so bitter- ITS ONLY A WEDDING NOT THE END OF THE WORLD- Like I told some else by the name of Alice B- your attitudes are very humorous to me, thanks for the laughs. AND thank you mom and dad for bringing me up to be a down to earth person and not bringing me up as a bitter/up-tight individual! Makes life a whole lot easier and happier :-)

Julie,
The definition of etiquette

Main Entry: et·i·quette
Pronunciation: `e-ti-k&t, -"ket
Function: noun

: the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life
Enough said!

Your Wedding is probably the largest "party" or celebration you will ever host. It is really not that difficult to do it right. I suggest you get a book of ettiqette or just do a google search for wedding ettiqette and you will find a wealth of information to help you through. Though I have to say everyone of them say you cannot request any type of gift let alone money. Sorry Julie. Hope this helps!

So , tell me...what is the definition of right?? Right, to me may not be right to you so you should learn to respect other`s opinion. I am assuming that you are not aware that giving $$ is very common in many culture. So are you going to critisize various culture just because a book or website says not to ask for money as a wedding present??? Image what life would be like if we simply "go by the book", the world would be filled with a bunch of narrow minded/up-tight individuals just like you. I got a quote for you "when you point the finger someone else is judging"- Bob Marley. Don`t bother judging myself or other`s that do request a gift because we won`t bother to listen to narrow minded people like you. If people do get offend, which I am 100% sure none of my guest will, then I would rather not have those people attend the wedding. I am done with this subject- got a wedding to plan in which we will be asking for money. Have wonderful day :-)

Julie,
Why are you so upset about this.
No one said that money is not a popular and welcome gift. Heck, who don`t want/need money. The issue is the requesting of said gift. A gift should be that, a gift that your family and friends want to share with you.You should not assume that your guests plan on bringing a gift (even thoughwe all know EVERYONE will) and so you should not say Cash only. Here in the midwest almost everyone will give you money anyway. We got money from almost all of our guests without a poem, without word of mouth, without putting it on our invitation. If these people are close enough to you, that they are invited to your wedding, they will know your situation and if they don`t they usually will ask a family member. So tell your close family members if anyone asks what you want to just tell them money. I think we only received maybe 7 or 8 gifts, which all were very nice and appreciated. So I would say save face and use word of mouth I`m sure you`ll be surprised.

Julie since I posed the original question, I feel as if I need to step in and say a few words. If someone cannot afford to have all of their friends present at their wedding then perhaps they need to elope and not try to do a sloppy job. I understand that weddings are expensive, and there is no substitiute for good manners and etiquette. If money is tight don`t try to go beyond your means, even if it means just having your family and friends over for light hors d`oeuvres. It`s a celebration and it is not fair to ask a friend to come alone (and not have someone to even dance with) especially since this person is a good friend to you and know that they are married. On the subject of asking for money, most cultures do give give money, so why would you feel that you need to ask for it. This is YOUR WEDDING and you and only you should bear the financial burden, and don`t expect compensation from your guest. I hope all goes well with you on your big day and congratulations to you.

What your co-worker did was quite rude! The most awkward of situations is being at a wedding reception sitting at the "miscellaneous table". I agree with whoever said it first, get some white-out and send her the respond card back. The card with you and your husband`s signatures would be a nice touch as well. But oh my, asking for money? Tacky. A guest should never feel obligated to buy a gift (although they probably will) and I`m sure when we were younger and we received a sweater for a birthday, our mothers would have popped us on the bottom if we weren`t grateful. Be gracious people, with everything. But never feel suckered into a situation.

Julie, your ignorance is evident in your poor grammar and spelling. I wouldn`t expect a person who portrays herself as poorly as you to understand what good upbringing entails.

For those of us who were brought up correctly and wouldn`t dream of asking for gifts, money, or excluding significant others, it`s a waste of time to argue with someone like Julie. She`s ignorant and will never `get it.`

Remember, there`s two groups of people -- classy and trashy.

Let’s all try to remember what makes this message board so great. It’s the fact that we all have different views. I do not agree with Julie what so ever, but that’s fine. I still feel that she should be able to make a point without any personal attacks (on grammar, etc.)

Plainly stated:
Julie,
I see why you would want to ask for money but a marriage is the union of two people and an officiant happens to be present as well. Anybody else who attends is there because you want them there without strings attached. Anybody who you don’t feel would be worth spending the money on, don’t invite. If those who you didn’t invite are offended, have a Welcome Back (from the honeymoon) party just to show how important everyone still is.

If you feel that nobody is an asset that you would invest in then try this, people who LOVE you will recognize your needs and respond accordingly if they feel that you have handled the situation correctly. You are a better judge of your friends and family than any of us and if they don’t have a problem with you saying "Money Gifts Please" or however you’d like to say it, then go for it. Just keep in mind that the consensus here (so far) is that some may not be comfortable with it.

Respectful responses are appreciated.

I understand why people write in the # of guests invited on the response cards. I have had a co-worker who got married and one of the people she invited right here from work invited her daughter and husband along. More money spent on a meal for folks that she didn`t even know! I have no idea why anyone would invite someone that the bride doesn`t know, to the wedding but so many people do which is why so many people are writing in the number of who is invited. The bride may know you but not your husband. Usually in situations like this, the bride sits all co-workers at a table together. I guess I am saying I don`t think the bride meant to hurt you by only inviting you but she wanted you (whom she knows and works with) to see her get married. I was thinking of doing the same for my co-workers because I can`t afford to pay for their family members to be at the reception. So I would just return the response with a "0" in the space. As for the Money gift, I was always told that ettique states that you don`t tell people what to buy you. So send her a card and wish her well.

For those who to ask for money on their wedding, why not go the whole way and advertise your wedding? Try something like this: Public Invitation: "Mr & Mrs Smith would like to invite members of the public to their wedding of their beautiful daughter Sara, to be joined in holy matrimoney to Mr Bart Simpson. All welcome - Admission only US$200; 15% discount for those who arrive before the Bride!"

Hi everyone,

While most of you are correct, it is not very "etiquette-like" to request cash; some things that are considered to be in poor taste are very old fashioned and changing whether anyone likes it or not.

I personally am putting ___ Seats are reserved in your honor. There are a few reasons…
1. Many people in my family will assume to bring their entire families, children and all.
2. We only have so many seats at the reception hall and would much rather invite more people that WE want there then random “and guest(s)”. Of course we aren’t doing that to anyone that we even remotely think would be uncomfortable if they didn’t bring someone, but to a few family members and a couple of people from work that aren’t dating seriously. I’m sorry, but we are not spending over sixty dollars a plate and these people know at-least 10 people that will be there, the rules are definitely bendable.

We are also putting *Adults Only* on the bottom of my shower invitations. If we don’t, a large portion of my family will assume to bring their children. I am not going to be a babysitter at my own shower. If they can’t come, then that is fine too.

That said, all message boards are for people to post their own opinions and ask whatever questions they want without being attacked. If you can not understand, or deal with that; then you should not be posting on any message boards. You can take your opinions elsewhere.

You show her how polite peole communicate. Toss the response card in the garbage. Send the proper response -- a handwritten response card on your stationery -- Mrs. Smith regrets she cannot attend.