Invitation Ettiquette-Please Help Me!!!

It isnt rude in the least to want an adult only wedding. Simply put on the invitation to Mr. And Mrs. So and So.... Don`t put `and family`. Most people will get the hint, also word of mouth helps...

I know I had the same problem. The way I handled it was to get out by word of mouth that if you had a small child they would need to be seated in a lap to preserve space. Most of the older children prefered to go outside and play during the ceremony. A couple of adults offered to stay with them. It helped alot!!

Sarah, your guests should understand that their children are not invited when you simply put the parents names on the inner envelope. However, there will be people who assume their children are invited regardless. I would recommend having "An Adult Affair" printed on both the invitation and the reception card - there should be no confusion for any guests then that children are not invited.

Best wishes!

Every book that I have read states that you should not put “no children”. You should just address the invitations to Mr. & Mrs. Jones. By putting only their names they are the only ones invited. And yes, some parents will not get the point.

You might set up an alternative location for the children to be watched. Get some responsible college girls and maybe an older woman to watch after the children. They could have their own celebration with a small cake and make cards for the bride and groom. Some churches have attendants for their nursery at the church buildings. Maybe someone like that could take charge of organizing this and maybe even use their building. Then send an invitation to the children for just this.

Best wishes for YOUR day!

On a different point, since we will have a few children at our wedding, we are setting up a children’s table. It will be covered with white butcher paper, have crayons, paper, stickers, color books and things like that. We will recommend that they make a card for the new couple.

Thank you all so much, you`re really helping me out!! I guess I`m going to go with just writing the adults` names on the envelops because I am too afraid that people will be insulted by the "Adult Affair" idea. If I didn`t have a toddler of my own it would be different.

I`m also definitely considering the kids table idea, so thank you Connie for that!!!

I decided against printing "adult reception" on my invites, because I expected people to see who the invites were addressed to. Most parents don`t get it or choose to ignore it when you address it to the parents only. It is better to have someone get a little offended by the printed invite than it is to have to go back and explain to them that their children weren`t invited after you receive the RSVP cards. That`s where I am right now. The only child we wanted at our reception was our flower girl, but we aren`t even close to that.
Not one parent took notice of who the invite was addressed to.
We also have a limited space, the wedding /reception are both in the same place in a private garden where there isn`t room to set up an extra kids table nor is there room for them to go play somewhere else either.
When I spoke to my F in laws about how to handle this, she told me it was too late, that if I didn`t want children I should have said so on the invite.
If you print it, you will save yourself alot of awkward phone calls later.

Lots of people are putting "Adult Reception" on their invitations, but that doesn`t mean it`s acceptable. The reasoning that "everyone is doing it" doesn`t wash. The right way is to address the invitation to the people who are invited and leave off the names of the children. If anyone responds that their children will be attending, you simply have to call them and explain that children are not included.

I don`t know what book you are reading but the ones I have all say that it is acceptable to put Adults only reception on the invite. Most brides are handling the RSVP`s themselves and have more than enough to do besides calling those who ignore who the invite is addressed to. I agree with Lost. I didn`t print it and had to make 30 phone calls regarding the uninvited children. Some were okay with it, some told me that they wouldn`t be coming at all if their kids couldn`t come, and more than 1/2 told me that it should have been printed in the invite/reception card.
Too many people will be defensive about their own ignorance at not paying attention to the addressing. It`s supposed to be a joyous occasion. You don`t want to start out offending anyone with a phone call telling them that they are basically a jerk for not paying attention.
Also, not everyone under the age of 30 knows the "rules" about the addressing issue. I received a few RSVP`s with a guest attending where there wasn`t one invited. All 5 of those people chose not to come at all without a date to keep them occupied.
I say, talk to you Mother and In Laws and see how they feel about the printing on the invite. They have a bteer idea of who may be offended by this. If they seem to think it`s okay then go ahead. Or just do the addressing and hoope for the best, just set aside a large chunk of time to make the phone calls and expect attitudes and declines due to embarrassment

Nor do I know what books you are reading that tell you this is acceptable. I`ve never seen it in any book.

In any case, I do not disagree with you that these guests are rude and inconsiderate and make life inconvenient for the hosts of the wedding. Unfortunately, when hosting an event you run into these types of problem people. However, it still doesn`t mean two wrongs make a right.

Linda, I`ve never heard that indicating a reception is An Adult Affair is not acceptable. To me, it seems to be comparable to printing "Black Tie Affair" on an invitation. I certainly agree with you that people should understand how is invited by the inner envelope but the reality is many people opt to bring their children regardless. Many times, they do not even RSVP with a number to indicate they are bringing their children and suddenly on the day of the event there are 15 little people at the event.

I`m not trying to be argumentative about this subject, I just don`t see the reasoning for indicating an adult affair is not acceptable.

Please elaborate.

Get this!
I got an invitation from a girl I work with today. On the invitation bottom it is printed "Adult Reception" and then on a handwritten piece of paper they placed inside the invite it says
NO CHILDREN PLEASE!!!!
I was a bit taken back and never saw this before (thank goodness!)