Thank You Etiquette

I think two months should give the bride enough time. If it`s done sooner, that`s even better. I got mine out within two weeks. It was a good feeling to have it done and out of the way.

I went to a wedding and never got a thank-you. It`s been almost a year so I guess I`m not getting one. And it was a check that had been cashed so I know the gift was received. Makes me feel bad. (Maybe $50.00 wasn`t enough?)

I agree, the sooner the better. If you leave it too long then people will think you`ve forgotten...

Emily Post says that 3 months is the maximum time frame as many go on a long honeymoon and move into a new home after the wedding. But I agree, the sooner the better.

Actually, you really do have a full year, according to the etiquette books...but I don`t agree with it. I feel no more than several months. I did mine as soon as we got home from our Honey moon, it wasn`t bad I would do about 10 every night when I got home from work.But etiquette also says any gifts you receive before the wedding day ( mailed to you from registry etc) need to be mailed BEFORE the wedding day. Actually this isn`t bad as it cuts down on the amount you have to do afterward. These I did as soon as we received them.

I was just wondering how many people got their new husbands to help with the thankyous. One of my friends and her husband did the thankyous for each others family. So she did the thankyous for gifts from his family and he did the thankyous for the gifts for her family. I thought that was nice. I just don`t think that my fiance will want to do very many and I don`t want to make it into a big thing if you know what I mean. Besides that he doesn`t have the best handwriting...Any thoughts?

If you are printing them yourselves you could set up a template and cleverly word it so you just need to change the giver`s name and the gift you are thanking them for. Print it off and then both of you just sign them together...

Thank you`s should not be printed off a computer. Wedding thank you`s should be handwritten and personalized.

Is that the Etiquette thing again?? Printing is sometimes the perfect option for those whose handwriting is not the neatest or for those with (as in my case) 160 thank-you`s to write!

Cleverly worded, printed as an insert which is then `loosely` stuck inside blank note cards or co-ordinating wedding stationery can produce just an effective alternative to handwriting them. It doesn`t look cheap nor does it look tacky and at the end of the day no matter what you write at least you can be sure it can be read...

All thank you notes must be handwritten.

I know it takes considerably more effort to handwrite a note than to print it off of a computer. However, since effort is put forth in giving, then effort must be put forth in thanking.

Neatness of penmanship, or lack thereof, is never the issue. And rudeness is never an option. If a wedding is so large-scale that the bride and groom can`t reply politely, then they should down-scale the event to a size that they can manage properly.

Anyone who makes a special trip to purchase, pay for, wrap and deliver a gift; as well as anyone who takes the time to write a check, place it in a card (which they also had to purchase), then hand deliver or mail, deserves the effort of a four- or five-line thank-you note.

If the bride/groom were to write ten thank-you notes a day, within one month`s time they will have written 300 thank-yous. This is always do-able.

Recentbride, I think you are mistaken. You have a full year to GIVE a gift to a couple for their wedding. Thank you notes should be written right away, ideally. But you can take up to two to three months without any guilt.

Linda,
Your right, I guess that is what I was thinking about. I would of never waited though anyway. My Mom was a Mom that made us sit down after Christmas and Birthdays and write out invitations to everyone....I`m afraid though that too is getting "old fashion". We attended a Wedding about 9 months ago and never got a Thank you card, though her Mom told my Mom that the Bride and Groom made sure they said thank you to everyone at the reception. I`m sure that these are the same people who feel it is ok to put on your invitations,,,ONLY MONEY GIFTS. I will be that dying breed that will make my kids sit down and send out those cards (if and when we have them)!

I agree with RecentBride. I, too, was raised to thank someone for a gift. As a child, I hated writing thank-you notes. But the more I did it, the easier it got. And I`ve taught my own children the same thing. Now, that some of them are adults, they take the initiative to write their own. Sometimes I remind them. But there`s no coercing on my part. They do it with ease because they`ve always been taught the importance of it.

What gets me is that brides/grooms who have large weddings somehow feel they`ve they`re off the hook when it comes to writing personal thank you notes. They conclude that since they`ve received so many gifts, they are under no obligation to personalize a thank you. My theory is that for those to whom much has been given, more is expected. If you receive 100 gifts, you are obligated to write 100 thank-you notes. It`s just the small price that must be paid for getting a lot of stuff for free.

I agree. Regardless of the size of wedding or amount of gifts received, thank you notes must always be sent and the sooner the better.

However, I also agree with Tania that, if done properly, they CAN be printed and personalised (signed) by the couple. My husband and I spent a considerable amount of time personalising each of our thank you messages (not just for the gift, but also for our guests` presence on that day), which we had printed on special cards, showing a picture of ourselves on our wedding day (similar to that of a postcard). These were posted with a stamp specially designed, again with a picture of our wedding. We had many complements to the unique idea and as far as I remember no-one complained.

Everyone talks about etiquette, which is changing all the time - what applies in one country differs in another. There is no right or wrong - just comon sense. The real importance is that the giver of a gift receives recognition for his/her efforts in good time. I`m sure, whether written or printed, the same amount of effort goes into choosing the words and sending it out. So just do whatever is viable for you.

Mary, are you saying that each of your guests got the same printed card?

Etiquette does change in some circumstances, but the etiquette of thank you notes has not. It`s remained the same for generation after generation. The fact that computers and home printing are prevalent in most households doesn`t mean etiquette has changed. The only decent way to thank your wedding guests is to handwrite each note individually, thanking each guest for their specific gift.

It is 1 year to give a wedding gift, 3 months for a thank you unless it was recevived before the wedding which then has to be done right away and mailed before the wedding.
It is never acceptable to print a thank you. NEVER!!!!!!!!
If you didn`t want so many thank you`s to write, then you should have trimmed the guest list or sent the presents back. 160 thank you`s, give me a break. That is 160 people who thought enough of you to buy you a gift and you can`t take 5 minutes to thank them? Do you realize how selfish and ungrateful you sound?

Ok someone here said something about we cant print the notes because we need to make an effort as our guests did. What effort in there in looking at a list, picking up a gift, typically having the store wrap it, and setting it on a table? How about the effort we put into the wedding already (especially those of us doing it ourselves and not relying on planners)? My fiance`s mom and mine are helping me make my outfit. We`re making our OWN daisy arch for the wedding. We`ll be doing our own cooking for most of it. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. I`m making at least 3 cross country trips for planning issues. The only reason our thank yous will be hand written is because our invitations are to be hand written as well, since we can`t afford to go have things printed.

Where and how YOU choose to have your wedding is your problem only, not the guests. It is wonderful that you have so many people helping you out with everything. Unfortunately, I don`t have the luxury of people who are good at making clothes and such. I wish I did, it sounds lovely.
But by making an assumption such as Jorie did about how the gifts are picked, wrapped, and given to you is ridiculous.
As a guest at a wedding last week, I had to drive 5 hours, get a motel room, and drive back. I also purchased a gift from the registry. But I don`t feel that it is a relection on the couple. They chose to have THEIR wedding where it would make them happy. I chose to be a guest and attend. I also drove myself to the nearest Macy`s (1.5 hours away) to purchase something from the registry. I drove it home, wrapped it myself in homemade paper with homemade bows, then carefully packed it for shipping. I didn`t want the couple or their attendants to have to worry about carrying it home after such a long stressful day. Let them open it up at home where they can be relaxed.
And some people don`t purchase from the "list", they make something or buy something more personal than a baking pan.
Are you really saying that these people that went out of their way for you don`t deserve a handwritten note of thanks? There may be alot of them, so what. Doesn`t that just show you how lucky you are to have so many generous people around you?

Wow....Jorie, do you realize how you sound? Are any of your issues your guests fault? Or should be their concern? You are a host of a celebration, it can be as simple or eleborate, as budget conscious or extravagant as you choose. But it is your choice. You invite your closest family and friends to celebrate with you. They in turn bring you a gift. (which I need to point out is not a requirement to attend.) And weather or not they simply choose to order from a registry or they build you a house from the foundation up, they deserve a thank you. With your attitude and the tone of your post, I`m glad I`m not your friend.

I never once said that how I was handling my budget was a problem, or that it was the guests problem. What I did say was that the Wedding Party already goes through at least twice the trouble to give the wedding as the guests do to pick out a gift. I was merely pointing out a fact of life. Personally I would be more insulted with a note with handwriting i could barely read, that looked like it had been dashed off in a hurry while trying to get off all the other notes (Which is what bad handwriting would imply to some people. They may not know that the bride or groom has generally poor handwriting and it wasnt that they weren`t taking time) than a typed note that was still personalized. What is so bad about that? Even my grandmother who swore by Emily Post most of the time thought it was BRILLIANT when I printed out thank you notes for her and grandpas 50th aniversery party for them. Each note was still personalized, it just wasnt hand written.

How were the thank you notes for your grandmother`s party personalized if you did them?