Brother`s Part In Wedding... Question

Why would your husband be opposed to having him in the wedding party? He is the brother of his bride! I guess technically your groom can do whatever he wants, but wouldn`t he have enough respect for you and your family to want to include your brother as a groomsman? I would side with your mom, but that`s me... I`m all about family.

Sorry, but I`m also not sure why it is an issue. You see siblings of either the Bride and Groom standing up all the time. It is ashame they are not close, but wouldn`t you like them to be? This could be a good start. Just because they aren`t close in age don`t mean they can`t be close. My brother who is 24 has an extremely close relationship with our 10 Y/O cousin. They talk sports, watch ESPN, my bro takes him to Cubs games and they golf sometimes. Really you can do these things at any age. So I do side with your Mom on this. Again though it is up to you and if your fiance` or you really are that opposed to it then don`t let your Mom bully you.
But besides being an usher there really isn`t much for a 19 y/o male to do. I guess he could be a reader in church if you think he would comfortable doing that. Good Luck and let us know what you decide!

Why don`t you just have him stand on your side? I was up against the same thing with my 17 year old brother. He didn`t really care to be a direct part of the ceremony but my father kept hounding me about it. In the end the wedding still happened and my brother was happy to get a front pew view. I agree that maybe he could do a reading or something or give a special toast.

I don`t think anyone should be forced into any kind of decision making when it comes time for a wedding. If your brother wasn`t in your choice as a groomsmen then so be it. There are plenty of other things to do. A toast at dinner, an usher, a prayer to be given before dinner, a reading at church. The fact is, it is not a priority in your brothers life if he is actually in the wedding or not. It is a priority in your mothers. I say talk to your brother and ask him what role he would like to play in your wedding. That way there can be no hard feelings.

Your brother SHOULD be a groomsman. Aren`t all ushers automatically groomsmen? I think they should be.

While this is your wedding, family harmony is paramount. Why risk causing an upset over something like this? Your fiance should certainly go out of his way to make your brother not only feel included, but to feel welcomed. It doesn`t matter how close your fiance is or is not toward your brother and vice versa. He is YOUR brother and therefore has a higher place in the pecking order. People have to rise above petty and superficial feelings (sorry but I think this is a little petty) and strive to bring together two families.

You`ll feel best about your wedding if this does not become a roadblock.

Good luck.

I don`t know why people are so adamant about making someone put someone in a wedding. Relax! no one SHOULD do anything. You have the wedding done the way you want it Brandi.

I`m having ushers that are not groomsmen. We are having a small wedding party with only our best friends and my FH kids. Therefore with only two on each side the ushers will help to seat people while the best man and his son can be with my groom. I`m also a firm believer to not let anyone force you into any decision. It`s not Law that siblings have to be in the wedding. If your bro is ok with not being in the wedding then you are ok. You could let him be the usher to walk your mom down the aisle or give a reading. Whatever is comfortable for the two of you.

Brandi, I hope that you don`t feel "forced" into any decision regarding your brother.

I`m not sure why your mom is so adamant about your brother being a groomsman if your brother really doesn`t care one way or another. Is your mom helping to finance the wedding and would like some say in it? Would she be hurt if her son wasn`t included? It would be a good experience for your brother but if it`s a small wedding and you honestly can`t make room for your brother than be honest with him. Maybe he doesn`t care one way or another. But I was thinking long-term. Down the road will you wish you would have included him? Would it make you feel better with him as a groomsman or not?

I think what bothers me most is that your fiance isn`t willing to take that first step to include and welcome your brother because he IS your brother if for no other reason. This could be the beginning of a closer relationship between your fiance and brother. Besides, many groomsmen aren`t best friends with the groom. Many times the groomsmen are a combination of close and not-so-close friends, cousins (close or otherwise), co-workers, and relatives of the bride.

Best of luck to you,

Ellie

I think I have decided to have him be an honor attendent. I asked him and he said that would be cool (he said as long as it doesn`t say "bridesmaid" behind his name in the wedding bulletin...lol). My mother may still pitch a fit for being "unconventional", but he will be in the wedding and it would mean more to me to have him on my side than to have him as a groomsman. I plan on paying for most or all of our wedding ourselves. Yes, my fiance can be bullheaded and there isn`t much I can do about that. I accept it as part of him, though others may think he is being selfish. Thanks to everyone for their advice and input. I really appreciate it. If anyone else has more to add, please feel free to post it. I forgot to add that I will not be getting married for a while (at least 1.5 years), so I have time to figure stuff out for sure and iron out any wrinkles in the family before it is written in stone. I have most of my wedding planned already so that I don`t have so much to do in such a short amount of time.
Thanks again!
Brandi

Brandi, sounds like you have resolved this situation and I think that`s great. I think that having your brother included in any way is a good thing. If your brother is happy I`m sure your mom will come around and be happy, too. If not, you should strive to be happy anyway because, as we all know, no one can please everyone all of the time.

Also, I think it`s great that you are trying to get the majority of the decision-making out of the way early in the planning stages. Because it`s the details that can increase stress.

Good luck on your marriage,

Ellie

I had a situation kinda like your`s, My fiance is almost 21 and my brother is almost 24, they talk more than what yours does, but my situation was pretty easy though. My fiance wanted me to pick all the guys except the best man. So he didn`t really care who was in it, which is weird..but i did a good job though!!

Hi Brandi,
We are sort of having the same situation, we had (or atleast thought we had) picked our bestman and groomsmen and then his mom got hurt that we weren`t including his brothers. So all in all I think we are now because we didnt have ushers anyway (that will be their position) but the thing that bothers me is why does everyone think that a wedding party should all be family? For me my decision was easy I am going to have the closest people with me there and that was my two best friends. If you are extremely close with your family as a lot of people are it makes sense, but for us it doesn`t. I couldn`t have all my sisters and disclude my friends, it just wasn`t an option for me. I talked to my sisters individually and told them all and they understood as well as my mom/dad understood. But his mom was all upset about it and said that his brothers would be hurt if their wasn`t a place made for them. Anyway things are smoothed out for now, just hope that when my family find out that he is having his brothers stand for him then they might be upset with me. Oh well, the stress of it all.

I don`t think Mom has a choice in this one. The decision on who stands up at your FH`s side is his choice and his choice only. If he asked you to include any of his family members on your side then it would be fair to ask the same of him. But if he has his brothers or closest childhood friends already standing up for him then it seems a little rude to ask those people to step down for someone he hardly even knows, family or not.
There are plenty of places to include your brother in everything without making him wear a tux. He can assume some of the usher roles such as lighting the candles and so on.
Don`t stress out on what Mom says. This is a decision between you and your FH. Talk to him about how he feels about it.

I just went through the same issue. My brother and fiance are not close so it didn`t make sense for him to be a groomsmen. We wanted to make him a part of the day so we have asked him to do a reading during the ceremony. It seems simple, but it worked and pleased my mom and my brother. Good luck!