Mother/Step-Mother Battles
I`m wondering if anyone else is in the same (or similar) situation as me regarding family members.
My father and mother divorced 13 years ago and he has since married a lady who has been my step-mother for 10 years. My mother, who I consider one of my best friends, has said that she won`t come to my wedding if I invite my step-mother. But i really like my step-mother, she`s a good friend to me and she`s been a part of my life for 10 years (I`m 20 now) I really want her there too. I love my Mum, but I think she`s being selfish. She has been telling me this since I was 12 years old, and it has really made planning my guest list a nightmare. My FH says to invite my step-mum anyway, because it`s our wedding and we want her there, and that leaves the choice to my Mum, but I don`t know what to do. I love them both, and I want them both there. (the situations surrounding my parents divorce were quite messy)
Posted by Gret; updated 06/17/04
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My father is also saying now, that if I don`t invite my step-mother then he won`t come either... Why are my parents being so selfish, can`t they see how this is ruining it for me??? I shouldn`t have to worry about this when i`m planning the happiest day of my life. Is it too much to ask them to push aside their differences for one day?
I wish I had eloped.............
Posted by Gret; updated 06/17/04
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Your mother needs to put her differences aside. This is YOUR day and about you and your FH, not about her. My parents are not together and they don`t talk to each other. But when it comes to things like weddings and parties for us kids. They show up and are civil; and that is what your mom needs to do.
My opinion is invite everyone and anyone you choose. (like your stepmom). I think deep down your mom will go, she knows if she doesn`t she will regret it. Hope everything works our for you.
Mel
Posted by mel; updated 06/17/04
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I a firm believer with invite who you want to invite. Not to mention if someone feels the need to give you and ultimation they should lose out. If they care about and love you they should not put you on the spot like that. My brother and I recently had a fall out and are no longer speaking. I have no intention of inviting him to my wedding much to my mothers disappointment. On your wedding you should be able to surrounded with people who love, respect and are happy with you.
Posted by Janine; updated 06/18/04
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This also happened to me in a different situation. My mother was not speaking to my sister, who lived 5 hours away. The occassion was my daughter`s Bat Mitzvah. To make a long story short....Mom wanted me to choose between her and my sister. This had me torn up for months. I finally said...I am inviting you both. If you choose to come it is your decision...I am not asking you to sit with her, speak to her, etc. They both came and avoided each other. It turned out just fine. My mother thought she could control everything. Now....13 years later...she is now speaking to my sister. Invite BOTH...let them choose what they will do. My family really felt bad about what my mom put me through...since it was no secret. Do what is right...both these women will be in your life forever.
Posted by Marcia; updated 06/18/04
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I agree with Marcia on this one Gret..invite all of the above..just keep them separated (your mother in the first pew, the step mom and your dad in the third) and place them at tables across the room from one another during the reception. Let your Mother know that you cannot exclude your father and his wife ( and absolutely can`t invite your father w/o his wife) so while you love her oh so much, you are NOT going to choose between them..period. Leave the ball in her court, make sure she understands how much her being there means to you and then DROP IT..don`t let her chip away at you..make your point then move on and forget about it. Usually these things end with the party giving the ultimatum still coming..they just want to wield a little power for a while. It may be best not to give her too much attention on this.
Posted by DSH; updated 06/18/04
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Thanks guys.
That`s what I thought too.
In the end it`s my mothers decision. This day is about me and as long as the most importnat person is there (my FH) I`m sure it will be fine.
Posted by Gret; updated 06/19/04
