Cash Wedding Gifts
Sabrina and Elizabeth, congratulations on your impending nuptials.
As you plan your weddings, you both may consider availing yourselves of at least one of the many books available that can guide you through the accepted customs and ettiquette that surround the planning and execution of the most important social event and rite of passage of your lives. The fact that this question even arose leads me to believe that neither of you yet have such a book.
Hopefully, nobody will sneer or feel that observing accepted conventions is old-fashioned or in any way optional. Ettiquette is not optional, and it is also not in any way arbitrary. The purpose of etiquette is to make everyone comfortable. That`s all.
Let`s look at how it applies to this specific situation. First of all, you both need to understand that NO one, invited wedding guest or not, is obligated to give you a wedding present. Wedding presents are a nice gesture, given out of love or esteem but NEVER out of obligation. The second thing you need to know derives from the first: you must NEVER make any mention of a gift, gift registry, or gift preference on a wedding invitation or on any enclosure mailed with the wedding invitation. To do so would make those you invite feel obligated or pressured to give you a gift. You do not want your guests to be uncomfortable (etiquette is all about making people comfortable, remember?). In addition, if you do mention anything about a gift on your invitations, you will appear to be greedy, and very, very, very tacky. Which I am sure that you are not.
So, if you are fortunate enough to have people who care about you, and who will most likely want to give you gifts, how do you make your preferences known? Guess what- YOU don`t. Your FAMILY and WEDDING PARTY MEMBERS can let people know but ONLY
IF ASKED. Normally they would let people know where you are registered, but as you have not registered, they can explain that you are not registered because you are saving towards whatever.
And what if some poor misguided soul has the temerity to present you with a gift of his or her own choosing? Accept it with graciousness. As for all of the toaster comments, THAT is the point of registering. You won`t receive three toasters unless you register for three toasters (I don`t think people really even give them, any way- and if you did get three toasters, just return two). And just to get you thinking outside of the box, you can register at a home improvement store, a sporting goods store, or some other non-traditional vendor. You can also open a mutual fund account and have people buy shares, or a honeymoon account with a travel company. You can register for far more than housewares, it is for whatever you want as you start your marriage (but once again, nobody is obligated to buy you anything). Remember always, that registering at any store is primarily for the convenience of the people who want to give you a gift. I know you don`t plan to register- I just wanted you to know your options. Good luck.
As you plan your weddings, you both may consider availing yourselves of at least one of the many books available that can guide you through the accepted customs and ettiquette that surround the planning and execution of the most important social event and rite of passage of your lives. The fact that this question even arose leads me to believe that neither of you yet have such a book.
Hopefully, nobody will sneer or feel that observing accepted conventions is old-fashioned or in any way optional. Ettiquette is not optional, and it is also not in any way arbitrary. The purpose of etiquette is to make everyone comfortable. That`s all.
Let`s look at how it applies to this specific situation. First of all, you both need to understand that NO one, invited wedding guest or not, is obligated to give you a wedding present. Wedding presents are a nice gesture, given out of love or esteem but NEVER out of obligation. The second thing you need to know derives from the first: you must NEVER make any mention of a gift, gift registry, or gift preference on a wedding invitation or on any enclosure mailed with the wedding invitation. To do so would make those you invite feel obligated or pressured to give you a gift. You do not want your guests to be uncomfortable (etiquette is all about making people comfortable, remember?). In addition, if you do mention anything about a gift on your invitations, you will appear to be greedy, and very, very, very tacky. Which I am sure that you are not.
So, if you are fortunate enough to have people who care about you, and who will most likely want to give you gifts, how do you make your preferences known? Guess what- YOU don`t. Your FAMILY and WEDDING PARTY MEMBERS can let people know but ONLY
IF ASKED. Normally they would let people know where you are registered, but as you have not registered, they can explain that you are not registered because you are saving towards whatever.
And what if some poor misguided soul has the temerity to present you with a gift of his or her own choosing? Accept it with graciousness. As for all of the toaster comments, THAT is the point of registering. You won`t receive three toasters unless you register for three toasters (I don`t think people really even give them, any way- and if you did get three toasters, just return two). And just to get you thinking outside of the box, you can register at a home improvement store, a sporting goods store, or some other non-traditional vendor. You can also open a mutual fund account and have people buy shares, or a honeymoon account with a travel company. You can register for far more than housewares, it is for whatever you want as you start your marriage (but once again, nobody is obligated to buy you anything). Remember always, that registering at any store is primarily for the convenience of the people who want to give you a gift. I know you don`t plan to register- I just wanted you to know your options. Good luck.
Posted by A.T.; updated 06/13/04
Reply
Yes, money is a popular gift these days, and I`m sure appreciated by all. No one will argue that fact with anyone. The arguments start when everyone is trying to figure out a way to "ask" for monetary gifts. If your family and friends know your situation then they will give you money without any prompting. I cut and pasted this from The Knot.....
Cash: How Do We Ask for Gifts of Money?
Q. How do you ask for gifts of money only?
A. Well, you can`t ask for any specific gifts from your guests, monetary or otherwise. What you can do is let them know *if they ask* that you would prefer cash gifts. Let your parents, siblings, wedding party, and close friends know too, and have them tell guests the same thing if they`re asked. But *don`t* announce it in a formal way to your guests (whatever you do, don`t put a card in the invitation!). If guests are curious, they`ll ask someone close to you what you would most like to receive. Some guests are going to want to buy you material gifts, so it`s a good idea to register somewhere, at least for some stuff. And of course, be sure to accept and acknowledge (that means thank-you notes) *every* gift gracefully. As for money gifts: Let the giver know how you intend to spend their gift in your thank-you card.
Cash: How Do We Ask for Gifts of Money?
Q. How do you ask for gifts of money only?
A. Well, you can`t ask for any specific gifts from your guests, monetary or otherwise. What you can do is let them know *if they ask* that you would prefer cash gifts. Let your parents, siblings, wedding party, and close friends know too, and have them tell guests the same thing if they`re asked. But *don`t* announce it in a formal way to your guests (whatever you do, don`t put a card in the invitation!). If guests are curious, they`ll ask someone close to you what you would most like to receive. Some guests are going to want to buy you material gifts, so it`s a good idea to register somewhere, at least for some stuff. And of course, be sure to accept and acknowledge (that means thank-you notes) *every* gift gracefully. As for money gifts: Let the giver know how you intend to spend their gift in your thank-you card.
Posted by AliceB; updated 06/26/04
Reply
Hi There, I`m planning a shower for my step daughter. Since they are flying in from out of town and having a destination wedding, We felt that money was the best gift to offer them.
I was under the impression that it was totally normal to write "presentation requested" on the invitations, which I thought everyone understood meant please give monetary gifts. I seemed to grow up with this notion and had it on my own wedding invitations. Am I totally wrong? If so, where did I get this idea??
Thanks!
I was under the impression that it was totally normal to write "presentation requested" on the invitations, which I thought everyone understood meant please give monetary gifts. I seemed to grow up with this notion and had it on my own wedding invitations. Am I totally wrong? If so, where did I get this idea??
Thanks!
Posted by Arlette; updated 09/23/09
