Out Of Town Guests With Baby

Well to me it looks like you have two choices. #1-Forego the whole event or #2 Leave the baby with a sitter, possibly an inlaw or brother/sister, for the wedding.
I knew this would be a problem at my wedding, many out-of-town family members have young children, so I decided to provide a nursery for children 5 and under. This way there will be no crying babies or anxious toddlers running the pews. This also, accommodates out of town guests with young children and makes them more apt to show.

How close are the cousins in this case would be the question for me? I am having “an adult affair” as well but I have made exceptions for my nieces & nephews and the people traveling from out of town. I know many are against making exception because of hurt feelings by other family members but I think for someone that cared enough to travel from out of town an exception should be made.

Thanks for the response - there is no one to leave the baby with here in WI - my son-in-law has no living relatives and my husband and I are also going (all of our relatives are going to the wedding) - relatives on my husband`s side do not live where the wedding is taking place.

Also--my father (the baby`s great-grandfather) will be attending the wedding and it would have been an opportunity for him to meet his great-grandson -

I think that is awesome that you are providing a service for children 5 and under - what a great way to let everyone join in the celebration.

All of you people responding are awesome...everything you are saying is exactly what I need to hear - I would like to provide my brother with "other people`s opinions" to let him know that children are invited to weddings everyday (both of my daughters got married within the last 3 yrs - he attended both and there were children & babies at both - when he heard my daughter was bringing the baby - he thought that this was the first time this had ever been done....

My reception hall has a seperate room for children. I am going to have it set up so that they can have a reception of theri own so that they will not be in the adults way. We are going to have a cotton candy maker and ice cream maker for them as well as other things. I am getting married in October so we will probably have a little Halloween party for them. I think the oldest kid will be about 12 and the youngest one will be about 2, unless my family decides more kids, let`s hope not, so the oldest ones will be able to watch the youngest ones

I am getting married in September and while there will be children there(My neices) I have decided not to invite any of my cousin`s children. The resaon is very simple. I have 28 first cousins most of whom are married and have 2 or 3 children. This would increase my guest list significantly as if I allowed one cousin to bring their children they all would want to. I would work on getting a sitter or politely decline going. If you are an extremely close cousins exceptions I`m sure might be made if the reason for not going was one child.

To anyone trying to decide whether or not to have an "adult affair" or to include children.
Nix the children!!!
I`ll tell you why I would.....
You see I thought there was no harm in having children at my wedding. We weren`t having a reception with alcohol and it wouldn`t last late into the evening. However, I knew I didn`t want children at the actual wedding. I had been to a friend`s wedding where a baby let out a wail in the middle of their vows. To avoid this, I decided to provide a nursery for children 5 and under. I even went as far as to put this on the invitations. It didn`t work out so well for me. There were only 3 young children in the nursery and tons in the church. Crazy. I don`t understand why people would have brought their children if they weren`t going to let them go in the nursery!!!
So anyway....A kid, my cousin, hit her head on the pew right before my trip down the aisle, and cried most of the ceremony!!! My husband and I were furious!!
I love kids, but sometimes they cry or have a tantrum. This is why if I had to do it all over again, I would have an "adult affair" and guard the door for young children!!
Good luck to all of you!

That`s really a shame "Just Married" that parent should have quickly gotten up when the child started crying and left the ceremony and took it somewhere else in the church or wherever so it could not be heard. I LOVE children too but, there are times when it`s just not appropriate to have them there. I think I would have been upset also. I would have probably said something to that parent afterwards about sitting there while the child was crying.
I hope everything else worked out well! ;)

I love all the responses - thank you so much - I did talk to my brother (the groom`s father) and he really is in the dark ages -- I mentioned that it would have been great if the hotel had some sort of sitter arrangements and he said - oh I`m sure they do - (which begs the question why didn`t they check on that so when they were saying "no kids" but.... But you`ll all enjoy this one - he said - We have no problem with the baby coming to the church -- now that totally floored me -- that is the one place that we didn`t even consider bringing the baby - to me the ceremony is the wedding - attention is on the couple and taking their vows......at the reception - there is so much hoopla going on - if one baby was crying - I don`t think anyone would notice or care (unless it happened during a "quiet moment" - like toasts or whatever....but again - the church....come on now - I think my brother needs to readjust what is more important - the vows or the party!!

I chose to allow children at my wedding. After all, my own children were going to be there! There was noise during my vows, and a cry or two. But it was all music to my ears because I was reminded of how beautiful my growing extended family really is! However, if someone specifically states that they don`t want children, then their wishes should be respected without question. Parents are responsible to abide by social guidelines regardless of their babysitting situation.

Maybe it`s just me, but I feel if it`s an adult affair and your daughter could not get a sitter, then the right thing to do would have been for her to send her regrets. I`m sure I`m the only one that thinks this way but . . . The bride and the groom are the ones getting married. They are the ones throwing the reception and in most cases paying for it also. If you get an invitation for an adult affair it means just that. There is nothing that says you MUST attend. If the idea of an adult affair offends your or inconveinces you they by all means don`t go. You can probably tell that I`m having and adult affair for my wedding also and I`m sure some people may not come due to that but I do not want crying babies or unruly toddlers on my wedding day and that is my perogative. Just as it is anyones to not come. Another option is to discuss the situation with the bride and groom and see if they can make an exception.

My brother is getting married in LA. My family lives in CT. I am in the wedding. I am traveling to LA with my husband and 3 children (6, 4, 18 mo). My brother and his fiancee decided to have a no children wedding, but when I voiced my disappointment that his nieces and nephew wouldn`t get to share in his celebration, they changed their mind, and decided to invite my older two children. I was thrilled by this. I decided to leave my 18 mo old with my cousin`s nanny. Turns out that is no longer an option. Now, I have to leave my 18 mo old in a strange place with a strange person for over 8 hours. She will never go to sleep, and will be completely freaked out. Clearly, my not attending the wedding is not an option. And, since this is immediate family, it is important that we stick together (not to mention our father has died, and there are no other kids in our family--- this is supposed to be special).

So, my husband has decided to skip the ceremony to stay with the baby... Then I will leave the reception early to give him a chance to have dinner... Sort of damned if you do, damned if you don`t.... I see both sides, but truly believe that when it is your own sibling`s children, traveling across the country, paying lots of $$$ to be in the wedding, acceptions could be considered... Provided the husband agrees to remove any child creating noise... Does anyone else agree with me? or am I out on my own on this. Would love some suggestions on how to enjoy this wedding... Thank you very much!!!

Amen to the last response - I truly feel your pain - family comes first - but whose family - the one you grew up with or the one you created. There is no easy answer - but I believe that all of you attending and then taking turns returning to the reception is about as solid as a choice as it gets. As a matter of fact - before my brother announced "no children" - my daughter and her husband were planning to take and age - with couples living together before marriage, second, third and so-on marriages; parents of the bride and groom being married to other people, etc. I would say the days of Emily Post are out the window. I married 2 daughters in the past 4 years - lots of work and it was their choice to allow children - which I thought was wonderful - most chose not to bring them b/c they wanted to enjoy themselves without worrying about them; but there were some that came b/c my daughters had never seen their baby (some were out of town guests) -- some incorporated the wedding as a chance for a mini-family vacation - however, the bottom line is -- you will never please everyone.