Two Needy People

If you can`t afford a wedding then perhaps you should go down to the courthouse and get married. I find it inappropriate for couples to ask for people to `sponsor` their weddings when most people on this board are either paying for their upcoming wedding, or paying off their recent wedding.

Ms. Lambert,

It is inappropriate to ask for sponsors. Most people do know this, so when people ask for help it is usually because they really, really need it. With that many children, money probably is very scarce, some of us understand that, some don`t. But still, there are lots of people who will be willing to donate items from their wedding so you can have something nice on a limited budget. Many brides let their gowns literally rot in their closets year after year when donated fairly early, they could be of great use to someone else. If you post your email, hopefully people who are willing to help will respond favorably. If nothing else, people not in your situation could be thankful they have more rather than making you feel worse. There are plenty of kind people in the world, hopefully that is who will respond to your needs.

If you truly want nothing more than to be husband and wife, why not go to a justice of the peace? Don`t take this the wrong way, but if you`ve been together five years and the only thing keeping you from being married is the money to throw a wedding, no matter how "small and cozy" you say you want it to be, it sounds a little like you want the wedding more than you want the marriage. I wish you both the best and I hope you are able to have the wedding you want, but if that`s not possible, and you guys truly love each other, just get married in the simplest, cheapest way possible, and don`t let money stand in your way. Just my two cents...
Best wishes,
Heidi

I hate when people ask this.
I think it`s the most rudest thing to ask . (I`m sorry I do)

It`s like welfare weddings! Free hand outs to people who can`t afford to do it on there own.

Just my opinion I could be wrong.

I agree, this is pathetic. Just go to the justice of the peace and get married. Then have a small gathering at ur home and serve cake and punch...if you make the cake urself, it probably wont cost u $20 for the whole thing....

Plus, how can u have a 10 year old if you have only been together for 5 years?

This must be a joke!

Super tacky.

One of the reasons that we can afford to have a decent wedding is, we decided to get married before having kids. If you have kids first, often its difficult to finance a wedding, since your priorities must be spending that money on your children. So, I do sympathize, however I feel that if you want a nice wedding, do it the old-fashioned way: get married first, then have kids.

They probably have a 10 year old after a 5 year relationship because one of them already had a child or children before they met. As the other postings say, it is inappropriate to ask for handouts. But they did. There must be some people out there who can make a donation (not monetary) such as a gown and other things they`ve used and can donate. In an ideal world, a guy meets a virgin, they date for awhile and he marries a pure woman with no children or other baggage. However, it`s not an ideal world, and this couple can`t reverse the decisions they made. It must be hard to ask for donations, even if it is inappropriate. Waiting to "do things right" is not the only way to have a wedding. It`s too bad others are too busy being judgmental than to take just a moment and be thankful you`re more fortunate instead of just being mean spirited and bashing others. If you have a wedding item to donate, offer it. Also as for the couple, check with your church or local churches. There are lots of married Christian women who will help, not bash.

Just as a footnote, as far as people letting things sit in their closet that could be donated, look at the post in this section about the preserved wedding gown. How much good can it be to anyone now?

I think if you have already been together that long, and have all those kids, why bother with a wedding? Why not just go to the Justice of the Peace. Its the same thing anyway.

Yes, in fact I have some minor wedding stuff. Not sure if you would like it or not. I have a storage unit full of stuff that I have had for almost 7 yrs, and I am cleaning it out!
Email me at sandersbride2b@yahoo.com if you are interested.

That is nice of you people to offer to donate your used wedding items. However, I think this couple is basically asking for cash. At least it seems that way to me. I think that is what they mean by "sponsor", which means "finance".

My stuff is actually brand new. We changed our minds and have all of the stuff we had bought orginally brand new in the packages. It has sat in a storage unit in boxes for about 6 yrs!

What is wrong with having a nice wedding even though you have kids? My FH and I have 2 kids and we are sill going to have a formal wedding, which we are paying for ourselves.
I found a site that sponsors weddings, from new companies trying to promote business but PartyPop took it off of one other thread.
I am one final exam away from being a certified wedding consultant and I would either sponsor or give a generous discount to the first 20 customers, just so I could get my name out and the experience, it all depends on the personal preference of the person or vendor sponsoring.

I know most women want to have a wedding but after 5 years and 6 children the more important issue would be setting an example for your kids. If you can not afford a small at home wedding (many beaches and parks are free with limited people) go to the justice of the peace. This is not a need but a want, a need would be clothes, shoes or winter coats for the kids. If this is the case we all are in need, most of us do not have spare money lying around waiting for the wedding day. We’ve saved, worked overtime and sacrificed.

As far as “getting married first” or “doing things right” many of us that have children still manage to have weddings. Life would be great if everything went exactly as planned but congratulations to those of you that waited but unfortunately in the real world nobody cares but obviously you. I’m sure quiet as it’s kept many of you waited on the “children” but had plenty of fun having the “sex

Nodia, I think you are right, most couples were having sex before the wedding. However, lots of them don`t believe in having children out of wedlock, so they don`t do it. There is a difference. I think its fine if someone wants to have a wedding, no matter what their circumstances. However, I find it weird that two people who have lived together for years already, or have 3 or 4 kids together already, or have 3, 4 or 5 ex-wives and ex-husbands between them, would want to dress up and play like Sir Galahad and Lady Guinevere for a day. Who are they fooling? Nobody.

Nodia and the response to Nodia,

I agree, but to a point. Most people, men and women from the time we are really small have fantasies of Cinderella, Prince Charming, the Glass Slipper, etc. Just because life did not turn out "traditionally" doesn`t mean those dreams die. Many 60-70 year olds will tell you they wish they`d had the trimmings, the trimmings doesn`t mean extravagant, but a nice gown, cake, limo and some friends, does not mean a fortune. Like some of you said, most DO have sex before marriage, but not kids, and no one tells those that DIDN`T have kids yet lived together years and years ""who are they kidding..."...well, who said anyone is trying to kid anybody? No one is. To say that two people don`t deserve a wedding because they had several kids first is not right, remember the couples who live together and didn`t have kids but all the sex in the world....does it make those two better because they used birth control? It is true nobody owes this couple financial handouts, but if there are some out there who can donate used bridal items, why not help them out rather than let good things go to waste? They want something special because they feel special, it`s hard for us to put ourselves in anothers` shoes. If the only women ENTITLED to a traditional wedding were the ones who waited and did everything by the book, we wouldnt` need bridal manufacturers at all. They know they can go to the JOP, but they want something special and want to merge the families in aspecial ceremony, but obviously don`t have the money. I`m not rich either. If I were recently married, I would ask her size and gladly send her my gown if it fit her. Even if they can`t get that something special, dont` make them feel bad for wanting it.

Let me just add I don`t think it is wrong of her to want a wedding no matter how many children are involved but if they can not afford it I don’t believe marriage should be sacrificed for the sake of a wedding (especially when children are involved). If you love each other go for it. Yes people always say they wish they had all the trimming but she could also one day say she wish she would have just did it. There are always what if’s.

Is this a joke?

Chante, the fact is, when you have kids you really have to make a lot of sacrifices. That means sometimes you have to forego certain luxuries (like a huge wedding). And its tacky to ask strangers to give you money to finance one. This is a message board, we are all strangers, why are we asking each other for money? I don`t get it.