Son`s Wedding

My, that`s rather forward of your future daughter in law! Anyway, there is no rule on who pays for what. Nowadays it`s quite common for the couple to pay for part, half, or all of the wedding, so feel free to point that out! As the parents of the groom you are usually expected to pay for something, but what that is depends on you, and sometime where you live. Since you have no idea what wedding run in your area, tell both your children to get together what things cost in your area. For example, go around and get quotes on wedding cakes, banquet facilities and caterers, wedding dresses . . . The works. (A good spot to get a list of what you have to purchase is in a Bridal magazine- the checklists are very handy. My hands down favorite is Martha Stewart Weddings). That will give you an idea of what weddings cost in your area.
My personal advice would be for you to tell your future daughter in law to ask her parents what they are giving fist. What I did was ask my dad for a budget. When he came up with one, I started planning and got everything figured out. I was $2000 "over budget" when I showed his parents our wedding plans. They gave us more than we needed, which was very generous of them. It was a little over half of what my parents gave, but as parents of the groom I didn`t expect as much from them.

Traditions are different everywhere and they change all the time. Weddings can cost whatever you want them to. They can be cheap, or very expensive. It depends on what kind of wedding you want to have and how many people you are going to invite. If you want say, over 100 people, you will be shelling out quite a bit of money. If you keep it under 50, it could be very affordable.

I know this is going to be sticky situation for you. :-(
First thing you need to do is figure out how much you can afford, without going into debt!
Then ask each couple or bride to sit down and get a pretty good idea of how much their wedding will cost.
I would also feel out or just plain out talk to your son`s fiance`s parents and see what they are planning to contribute.
I know that you want both of your children to have the most beautiful weddings in the world, but remember that forking out the dough is not the only way to have a wonderful wedding.
I could help you with a budget if you like, I took wedding planning courses.
Kayteekt2001@yahoo.com

My parents sat down with us and said, "we will give you $xxx...use it as you want." FI and I had to decide how to make it work and what to add to it.

You are NOT responsible to pay for all of anything. Talk to your kids and be honest about money (the hardest conversation we had!).

I couldn`t even imagine telling my FMIL that she was responsible for half of the wedding. She is so financially challenged that there is no way she could give anything. My parents aren`t paying for anything either. My FH and I are paying for every bit of it ourselves.
Wow and to have two kids getting married around the same time. I would ask the vendors if you could get some sort of discount for being a repeated customer.
I would not go out of my way to offer more than you can afford for either wedding.

Good luck

My fiancé and I are getting married in May 05. My mom is paying for my dress, caterer & invitations. My fiancé’s mom has not offered to pay for anything and we have not asked. We originally planned to pay for the entire wedding ourselves but my mother offered to help. I think your soon to be daughter in law has overstepped her bounds. I think you should sit down and talk to your son & daughter and give them a limit of what you are willing to spend. In my opinion it would be a mistake to ask her parents before talking to your children because this is not a competition and you might not be prepared to spend what they are especially since it looks as though you’ll be having two wedding around the same time. Find out how much you can afford to pay and let them work with that.

Just as an afterthought if this is the new tradition has your daughter’s fiancé’ contacted you about paying for part of their wedding.

Hi Carole,
I will just re-iterate what other`s have said. It is a gift that you give your son and daughter seperatly. It should not be a competition. Speak the them both seperately and let them know what you can offer them. If you want to pay more for your daughter that is totally fine. I would hope that she would have enough respect for you to not disclose that amount to her brother if you do not want her to. I`m not sure where you are from, but we are having our wedding in Alberta, Canada and we are spending about $11K total. We have left out a lot of stuff like the traditional cake, and favours at the wedding. Instead we are having a desert buffet, and will be having a family friend take photos of couples as they come into the reception and will mail them that within thier thank you cards. Your son and daughter should not "Expect" any money from you, however you can offer and they can work within the budget.

First off remember that you are not obligated to contribute anything. Anything that you offer is a gift.

Second, I personally dont think its far to give more to one kid than the other based on sex-tradition or not. I think thats a surefire way to hurt someones feelings.

My sister and I are getting married 7 months appart. My parents offered us both $4,000. This will cover my wedding and leave some left over, for my sister it barely scrapes the top. No one NEEDS an expensive wedding, offer what youre comfortable with and if they desire more they can pay for it.

I am not sure how new the engagements are but have you thought about a double wedding? We are having one later this month. My FMIL is basically footing the bill for everything and has come way under her $4000 budget. I mean especially if you can get your childrens significant others parents together on the money thing.

When we planned our wedding we asked for nothing.We lived together for 2 1/2 years so we could save for the wedding we wanted. My parents payed for college, which I am so very thankful for, I never expected a thing from them as far as our wedding goes. My parents sat us down and said they wanted to pay for my dress and assessories and would help with other things, which ended up being quite a bit. They kept track of what they spent on us and what they gave us as a gift so they can do exactly the same for my brother when he gets married. My husbands family never offered anything until about two months before and said that they were giving us XXX amount of dollars for a gift but wanted to give it to us then so if we needed it to help with the wedding we would have it. They then told us that it is the exact amount that they had given his older brother and sister. Actually that is the way both of us were raised even steven....we plan on doing the same when we have our own family. If I were you I would figure out what I can afford divide it by two, sit each couple down and say this is what we can give you! Good luck!